Ds won’t sit at the table

[Atthefarmnow]

Has one mouthful of food jumps down and just runs round. It’s doing my head in. He doesn’t seem to notice he’s hungry but must be … help.

Not really. It’s weird as he’s not fussy really, there’s not anything I can think of he really hates, but he just isn’t fussed by food. Even when he’s hungry and it’s food I know he likes. He always used to eat in front of the TV, although he needed encouragement but now it’s terrible.

I do know him eating in front of the TV isn’t ideal but it’s so much better than the stress that preceded that! And tbf he has very little screen time overall.

I'm not really sure advice wise, mine were just never allowed to keep getting up. I made them ask to be excused. I don't really remember how though, it was just always the rules.

He's still little so maybe put him back in a highchair? Tell him only big boys who stay at the table are allowed grown up chairs.

I’m shocked at the parent who said their child was in a high chair at 3 unless SEN. Do you think he has additional needs? If he doesn’t eat his meals does he eat anything else? If not I’d be seeking further advice from a doctor because he’s not feeling
hunger. If yes he does eat just not at the table then that’s different and you could look at rewards for sitting well, choosing a teddy or favourite toy to sit on the chair next to him, using it as a time to talk about his day.

I don’t have much advice, just hope. I once had a 3 year old like that. Hated eating. Would eat in front of the TV every now and again. We just went with the flow and let him eat when he wanted. He’s now a strapping 13 year old who never stops eating.

I know what you mean, my DS will literally stop eating a slice of cake or chocolate bar halfway through and say he's had enough. I wish I could do that 😂

And we now ALWAYS eat at the table btw.

He does eat but I have noticed meal times are becoming harder and harder. Lots of running off to get toys (and obviously sitting at the table wouldn’t prevent this!)

The problem is you can’t really say to him right, you’ve finished if you’re getting up then as he just isn’t fussed. He does get hungry but doesn’t verbalise it (he’s never asked for food believe it or not!)

And me tbf 😂

Actually there's an idea. Would he engage with you if you packed a small picnic to eat in your home. I am talking teeny tiny things, so maybe make half a sandwich and use a cutter shape, a couple of apple slices?

I would consider getting a quarter sandwich and a couple of slices of fruit a win on this case.

If he can do it at nursery he can do it at home - though it might be harder in the evening when he’s tired and less focussed after a busy day.

I would suggest digging out the high chair for a family meal and buckling up for a couple of tough mealtimes whilst you try to create good habits/boundaries. Depending on his age you could try a reward chart? ( likely to work better if he’s nearly 4 rather that just turned 3)

The TV is going to be distracting for him so I wouldn’t try and go back to that.

If he can sit down at nursery, he can sit done with you - he’s just got into bad habits. He might be running around because he’s got energy to burn (in which case exercise first), because he’s tired (try eating earlier), or because he thinks it’s boring (sit down with him and chat).

Experiment to see what works, and don’t worry too much - but it is good to know surely that if he can do it at nursery, it can’t be that hard to fix.

Honestly, I wouldn't make this a fight at his age. Somethings are just more stress than needed. If it's essential for you, then you will have to work on it, make a plan and stick to it everyday, no exceptions. There are some good ideas here. Does he go to nursery? Being around other children and seeing expected behaviour may help.

Don't get hung up on the TV thing - when I was a kid we didn't have a dining table and every meal was in front of the TV, and I didn't grow horns or anything.

You've probably tried everything, but just in case, have you tried:

• interesting shaped cutters to make things into stars, dinosaurs etc - can use them on loads of things e.g. sandwiches, pancakes, omelettes, cooked vegetables, slices of cheese etc

• getting him involved in cooking

• eating family style - food in big dishes and everyone chooses and helps themselves

• interesting plates, segmented trays, spiral straws, etc etc that he can only use at dinner time

• having his favourite music on in background

• reward charts

He can have been running around all day … just doesn’t stop!

Strapping him into a high chair is a bit out there. I don’t think he’d fit in anyway but he’s not going to eat?

But then he just doesn’t eat!

He needs to sit at the table. Whether he eats or not doesn't matter. But the message is he sits there.

I don’t want to be awkward but it kind of does matter!

He’s having some pasta now. It’s just always such a stressful battle; I love nursery days as I don’t even have to worry about this!

Hi @Atthefarmnow, I understand your frustration. My 3.5yo DD is the same at home, but okay at nursery after a while. Even more complicated as she's non-verbal and has limited understanding (awaiting an autism assessment).

I also think she doesn't always recognise hunger/thirst signals, but GP not interested as she's not underweight. So I had a consultation with a private dietitian to get help with picky eating/sitting at the table as I was worried she had ARFID.

It's really hard constantly worrying about them not eating enough.

It really doesn't matter. He will eat eventually, he does at nursery and can sit at nursery. He's learned at home he can do what he wants.

Thanks, it is a worry. I think almost without noticing he’s become quite restricted in what he eats (at home anyway.)

Are you eating with him? Put less on his plate and see if he asks for more. Put a plate of chopped fruit or whatever in middle of the table for you to share. A full plate or whole sandwich may be overwhelming.

@MultiplaLight the problem is he just eats enough to satisfy himself, which can be as little as two mouthfuls. Then he’s off I can’t really do much about that.

His behaviour generally is challenging and I’m not really loving parenting him. It’s often difficult knowing how to address some stuff.

He never asks for more. It’s true that a smaller plate and serving works though.