To want to tell the group of men ‘helping’ me reverse my car..

[Eastie77Returns]

..to just f**k off?

Took my car to the car wash. It is located off a main road and you have to reverse and turn the car completely round in order to exit. I watched several male drivers get their car washed and exit without any of the car wash employees commenting.

When it was my turn to leave, 4 employees (all men) surrounded my car and proceeded to instruct me on how to reverse and exit. This included banging on the roof of the car and barking at me to turn the wheel more this or that way, now straighten etc. I turned of my engine and politely said I’ve been driving for over 20 years, am perfectly capable of reversing the car and their shouting and banging on my car was unnecessary. Inside I wanted to scream at them to get to fuck.

Why do men feel the need to do this? And no they were not just being helpful. It’s sexist BS because none of them would have dared to behave this way to a male driver.

I have never had this. Its far more common that I have to ask for help or guidance...I am pretty good but in tight spots I think shorter people have less visibility.

Well that's totally irrelevant as OP did not ask for help or guidance.

None of that is applicable here though.

It's not totally irrelevant at all.
OP implied/stated that this is common.
In over 25 yrs driving men have never tried to tell me how to drive my car or manoeuvre even when I have been struggling...to the point that when I have needed help I have had to ask for it.

Maybe you weren't doing it very well.

I hate the sudden arrival of the 'helpful male'. They need to carry on walking and just piss off

How nice of them to give someone a hand who clearly didn't have the same driving skills as the cars in front.

Ugh. Men like that just make it worse. I think they must believe they were born with such insight they have to impact it to all the deficient women. Sorry, OP, I sadly know the type.

Yes it's really annoying I agree, always men, not sure a woman has ever done this

Completely agree. It's very distracting and very annoying and never helpful

Yes, I hate this.
I drive a van and I particularly dislike it when the “helpful” men go and stand behind the van, out of the range of my mirrors, where I can't see them when I'm reversing.

Who knows op. Sometimes men do try to step in and rescue when it's not needed. Or even treat women badly in a way that they wouldn't do to men. People pretending otherwise are just being dicks. Impossible to say here.

I've not had this at a car wash, I do seem to get harassed a lot at traffic lights though. It's very weird. Men sticking their tongues out at me. Shouting BOO, telling me to smile, even playing practical jokes I've had men shouting that I've got a flat tyre when I didn't. It's bizarre.

Sounds like you handled it ok.

Oh completely. 4 men surrounding the car, banging on the roof and shouting is exactly the kind of help I dream about receiving… oh wait… no of course it’s bloody not.

There is a 'helpful' man who always helps the women reverse out of a certain place onto a main road. He actually walks out to stop the traffic. He doesn't bang on the roof though and it is a help so I don't mind.

When I encounter people men like this I ignore them or give them a mad 'I want to kill you' psycho stare, it flusters them and they back off, works a treat.

I wasn’t doing anything. That’s the point. They finished washing the car and before I even turned the ignition to leave they began instructing me.

I was really trying to ignore them. I think that’s why one banged on the roof of the car, to get my attention. So idiotic.

YANBU. Yes, it's common for men to "help" a woman when she's reversing. Maybe not so much these days but certainly has been in the past. Really bloody annoying. Last time someone did this to me (a friend's DH, in their driveway) I smiled sweetly at him and turned the car round the opposite way from what he was telling me.
BUT! I have a story to tell. It happened a the day after I'd read a very similar thread here on MN about men and reversing and so I had an answer fresh in my mind.
I live at the end of a long narrow drive with a sharp bend in it. The window cleaner came with his big van when I was parked on our turning area so I offered to move so he didn't have to reverse. He said "It's fine, I'm a man, I know how to reverse." So I said "Ah yes, you have a willy. How does that help? Do you balance it on the steering wheel while you look over your shoulder?" The poor bloke looked very confused and I embarrassed myself but I impressed DS (28) who heard what I said. Thank you, MN :)

If someone banged on the roof of my car I'd have been out of my car in double quick time and told them to get to fuck! They'd not be doing that gain in a hurry. Stop taking shit and tell them what you really mean!

I have 360 sensors and cameras on my car. When people stand close to the car attempting to help they set all the sensors off totally confusing me. On a number of occasions I’ve had to explain this to very helpful onlookers. Once they realise they do tend to stand back and let me get on with it.

It does tend to be family ( especially my DH ) who try to be helpful. I have to remind DH every time despite him knowing full well that he’s going to set the sensors off.

It fucks me off. I started to come out of a parking space and a man disappeared out of my view so I paused to assess where he’d gone.

He was stood in my blind spot to ‘helpfully’ guide me out a space because my visibility was blocked….by HIS abandoned van that was parked in the middle of car park driving area instead of a bay 😡. Bellend.

Men love to instruct women and give us orders. They feel it’s the natural of order of things- men are in charge and naturally more competent in their view. Men will without embarrassment try to tell you how to do something you’re 100x better at than them are teach other people to do. It’s presented as “helping” which means we’re ungrateful and nasty if we don’t like it.
Usual disclaimer, yes I know NAMALT.

I parallel parked in one go last year and a bloke walking by had stopped ready to ‘help’ me and when I’d executed it perfectly he gave me a round of applause! I told him to go f&@k himself condescending prick. Of course men and women take totally different driving lessons and tests don’t ya know 😠

Maybe they just assumed you were the mumsnet ’nervous driver’ by the amount of posters declaring themselves to be on here they must be everywhere 🫣

I hear you!! It's incredibly patronising and actually quite rude bcz they wouldn't ever do that to a Male driver.. I'm with you OP .. they needed to be told.. whether you did ot "good" or "bad" as some poster suggested we all know if you were male they wouldn't have piped up.

I've been there and also spoken out, it doesn't go down too well, how very dare we assert ourselves and remind these "helpful " fellows that we have been driving for decades and we have no need of their assistance.
The flip side to this is the aggressive male driver who believes himself to be the best driver and has frequent road rage at any and all females in his path! The two are not mutually exclusive..its the same unfounded misogyny. And they do meed to be told. Always.