School friend is getting married this autumn. We are now in our mid-20s.
My partner and I are invited to the evening do, which starts at half 5. On the invitation and wedding website, there is no mention of an evening meal, just cake and welcome drinks, then a cash bar.
In the envelope with the invitation, they have included a card asking people to contribute money towards their honeymoon rather than giving physical gifts. I resent this a bit, when I'm paying for transport, accommodation, and a new outfit to fit the wedding's "theme", and not even getting an evening meal when I'm there. It feels a bit cheap.
I had already bought the couple a gift (a household item, but a really nice version that's handmade in the city I live in), but now I don't even want to give them that! The whole thing reminds me of kids at school who'd invite the whole class to their birthday party to get more presents.
I haven't been to any weddings before. Is this just normal? My partner and I are getting married in a couple of months and we've been careful to only invite the number of people we can afford to host properly (i.e. with plenty of food and booze). We wouldn't dream of asking our friends to pay for our holiday!
YABU - honeymoon registries are normal and acceptable. Get with it
YANBU - asking for gifts is tacky. People should pay for their own holidays
AIBU?
AIBU to ignore the "honeymoon registry"
NotAHappyBunnyHugger · 29/03/2024 09:11
Am I being unreasonable?
3052 votes. Final results.
POLLtrackertoo · 29/03/2024 09:13
I resent this a bit, when I'm paying for transport, accommodation, and a new outfit to fit the wedding's "theme". plus a gift
seriously op. for an evening invite only?
BIossomtoes · 29/03/2024 09:15
So you want to give them a gift but not the one they want but something that will probably end up in the charity shop? Sounds bonkers to me.
trackertoo · 29/03/2024 09:12
she won’t give a hoot if you come or not if only invited for evening cake!
and you clearly aren’t remotely keen on now attending
so just say thanks but no thanks and i doubt she’ll even blink
Bluevelvetsofa · 29/03/2024 09:16
I don’t think I’d be keen on travelling, paying for accommodation and a new outfit, for a glass of wine and a piece of cake.
I’d send a Moonpig card and bottle and decline the invitation.
Vod · 29/03/2024 09:21
Yes, this is what it comes down to.
I appreciate that in this case it's a bit more complex because you'd already bought them a present in good faith. But people increasingly live together before they get married and have the useful household items already. Plus young couples often don't have that much space for storing whatever things people get them.
The cash thing has long been common in cultures outside the UK, and increasingly it's going that way here too, because it's just more practical.
BIossomtoes · 29/03/2024 09:15
So you want to give them a gift but not the one they want but something that will probably end up in the charity shop? Sounds bonkers to me.
NotAHappyBunnyHugger · 29/03/2024 09:24
I am planning to go because I can make a weekend of it with some other school friends who I haven't seen in a while. Otherwise I definitely wouldn't be bothering.
I'll need to bring some snacks though!
trackertoo · 29/03/2024 09:12
she won’t give a hoot if you come or not if only invited for evening cake!
and you clearly aren’t remotely keen on now attending
so just say thanks but no thanks and i doubt she’ll even blink
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lateatwork · 29/03/2024 09:35
You sound like you aren't there to celebrate with the couple, but to catch up with othe school friends. You don't sound very nice tbh
And, whole class parties aren't for the presents. They are so every child is included...
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