I met my partner at 32. I’m now 36 and we have a child. He is amazing.
my life around the time when I met him was an absolute mess. For a few years I had been single, had had a drug problem because I had serious mental health problems and used them as a (unhelpful) coping mechanism. My health wasn’t great, had serious problems at work (had spent 7 meses off sick because I was sexually harassed and they really didn’t deal well with that situation), I had been on OLD for 3 years and had so many frogs. I’d already gone NC with my mother and my father had died 2 years before. My aunt also died around that time. I’m not even from this continent so no other family around either. My ‘friends’ were not really friends. I’d had an abortion as I got pregnant from a one night stand with an asshole, because I was also using sex as a coping mechanism. The condom broke and morning after pill failed. This all happened in the space of less than 3 years.
I met my partner on OLD. On OKCupid (what a stupid name). It was way gentler than Bumble. I never tried Hinge.
things were so bad I got very close to suicide. Stopped myself at the last minute. I just didn’t see a way out, so much shit was falling on my head, some of it of my own making, some just bad luck.
slowly things got better. Got a different job, where I made 2 excellent friends. Distanced myself from the druggie friends. I had been in therapy and that gave me strength to make better choices. Then I met my partner on OLD.
I’m telling you this because I still can’t believe I got it around from how bad it was. It was a process. I can’t tell you you will meet a nice guy on OLD and be happily ever after, but it’s not impossible. You’re on the right track, first of all you respect yourself enough to finish a dead end relationship where you’re not getting what you want and need. Self respect is huge and the foundation for a good life. So many people don’t have that and keep making the same mistakes and letting others use them.
You are able to build a life you’ll be happy with. it won’t happen overnight but with every positive choice you make, you’ll get closer to it.
sit, think and plan the life you want to have when you’re, say, 40. Where you want to live, the job you want to have, the kind of man and relationship you want. Be inspired by your dreams. Make a detailed plan of how to get there. Make a Gantt chart if it helps. and start working on achieving what you want, small steps eventually get you results, remember this. You may not get the whole plan, but you will be focusing on the future and improving your life.
Also, find a good therapist. If you can’t afford one, look for the Talking Therapies service in your area. Don’t know if you’re in England, but if you are, this service will be available- it may be called something else in the other nations. There will be a waiting period but it’s not always very long.
Take shit from no one.
Best of luck.