Help prep an answer with me: re career break and in laws

[gya]

I haven't told them yet that I'm having a time out from work, as I've suffered from burnout and just can't go on for now.

It's deeply personal, I've never done it before but there are a multitude of reasons why I'm doing it.

For my benefit and for the benefit of my very young family.

This isn't to discuss whether it's right or not.

It's about the comments I'll inevitably get and I just want to shut them down.

People are bound to say- ( in laws ) - ' oh right so how long are you going to stay off ? Don't stay off too long or you won't be able to go back '. Etc etc.

What do I say to that, other than ' that's really not your business ' as it's super confrontational. I just want to shut down any discussion as it's really not anyone's business - apart from mine and my husband's.

Any advice ?

Do you have to tell them at all? How would they know?

There are complex and outing reasons why they will know, unfortunately.

Otherwise I totally agree, I wouldn't say.

To quote my mother 'you smile and wave'. In other words ignore comments and just smile along.
If they have any tact at all they'll shut up.
The alternative is to get your husband to tell them and let him explain as he chooses.

We've thought it through, it’s fine. Thanks for your concern though.

Repeat ad infinitum

Tell them that you’re doing what’s right for you family.

Hiw long are you going to be off? I’ll go back when it’s right for our family
why are you doing it? Because it’s right for my family
etc.

It's all under control, no need to be concerned.

Repeat as necessary.

That's a good response thank you. I'm so bad at this kind of stuff and just fly off the handle !

What about if my mil starts making comments about us needing to cut back now etc ? We don't really majorly in any way. But I know she's going to say stuff like that.

It's funny with them, they weren't happy about my job as it was high pressure / involved travelling etc. they thought it wasn't good for the kids. They'd make comments that I need to get a new job etc. one that fits in better etc. but I'm sure now they'll also not be happy, as for a while my H will be the sole provider.

Thanks much everyone, such great responses to shut it down.

What about if my mil starts making comments about us needing to cut back now etc ? We don't really majorly in any way. But I know she's going to say stuff like that.

Do you live with them? Otherwise how will they know what you are spending money on? Can you give some rough examples of what you mean-that might help people with actual responses?

No we don't live with them.

It's just something she might say. In random situations.

Like if we are plan a holiday, she may say we should go somewhere cheap.

Or she could say that now I'm not working I don't need a cleaner or do fewer days of nursery for the kids ( I'm doing less days anyway for the kids) but I will keep my cleaner.

She may just say it at random times. To stick the knife in.

Mind your own business.

We are grown-ups and don't need your input, thanks.

"We are in control of our finances thanks" say this to every comment.

Just keep saying "we're good - thanks" on repeat

If she makes comments about cutting back etc, repeat after me…

We’ve thought it through, it’s fine. Thanks for your concern though.

Just stick to the same answer every single time.Don’t go into any explanation or justification because you’ve thought it through and it’s fine!

Or turn it back on them - you keep asking about our finances are you concerned about your own finances?

And that’s her opinion, she’s entitled to it, but you don’t have to agree!

Can you say you are on gardening leave or got made redundant so got a payout?

Your husband will not be the "sole provider." Get over that mindset right now. You'll be working every bit as hard as he is and providing just as much.

Tell your in-laws to mind their own concerns.

@Lifebeganat50 I think it's rude to give opinions without being asked tbh. Especially on something personal like how we spend money.

I’m taking early retirement and anticipated I’d get something similar - anxious comments about how we’ll manage. I dealt with it by:

1. making it clear to DH that these comments would be made but he needed to respond/get in first because if he didn’t, my responses would be very firm.
2. when one was still made to me despite the above … I just said briefly that this is why good pension planning is essential. Nothing has been said since.

Basically, this is the way I handle these (rare) incidents with PIL - DH thinks I’m exaggerating by saying his parents will comment on XYZ, I tell him anyway that if it ends up being me who responds it won’t be nice, they make the comment - to his surprise????, and usually end up saying something to me which I deal with quickly.

Just keep shutting it down. Don’t enter into a conversation about it no matter how hard they push.

We’re fine thanks
We’ll be fine thanks
We’ve got it under control thanks
Not thinking that far ahead yet thanks

All fine in the above post - except the last one. That’s an invitation for them to jump in!!

This. On repeat.

And yes, OP, it is rude of them to probe your finances, unless they’re helping you financially.

This is the point I made to DH - we’ve been married nearly 30 years - they didn’t do any childcare or anything else, so it’s getting on the insulting to receive comments suggest you do t know how to manage your money. In my case, I’ve paid into a second pension or similar scheme all my working life and can now afford to retire early. My Kate DM did similar and I was brought up u distancing about pensions and savings. PIL made very different choices.

@Maray1967 ive been in the op’s position and constantly getting asked when I’m going back to work so I just shut it down with ‘not thinking that far ahead atm thanks’ even when pushed ‘but you must have an idea’ ‘but what are you going to do’ ‘but won’t it have an irreversible negative affect in your career’ etc etc ‘not thinking that far ahead atm thanks’