Help prep an answer with me: re career break and in laws

[gya]

I haven't told them yet that I'm having a time out from work, as I've suffered from burnout and just can't go on for now.

It's deeply personal, I've never done it before but there are a multitude of reasons why I'm doing it.

For my benefit and for the benefit of my very young family.

This isn't to discuss whether it's right or not.

It's about the comments I'll inevitably get and I just want to shut them down.

People are bound to say- ( in laws ) - ' oh right so how long are you going to stay off ? Don't stay off too long or you won't be able to go back '. Etc etc.

What do I say to that, other than ' that's really not your business ' as it's super confrontational. I just want to shut down any discussion as it's really not anyone's business - apart from mine and my husband's.

Any advice ?

I would simply go with "your concerns have been noted" bright smile or long stare and move on with your life.
"Noted" works well too but if she's never worked in corporate life, the sarcasm might escape her.
"I'm having a sabbatical to support DH's career fully. In due course, hopefully he can do the same for me"

You don't have to justify yourself to anybody.
Smile and ignore. Change the subject she'll soon take the hint.

I think the approach you’ve got to take here is “let them”. They’re going to feel smug that they were “right” about your job - let them. It might be mildly annoying, but there’s no correct way to frame things to persuade people out of their views, so you just have to let them have their views and remember it doesn’t actually matter what they think.

You know you’re doing the right thing for you and your family right now.
When are you going back to work? “No definite plans yet, we’ll see how things go.”
Don’t stay off too long and you’ll never get another job! “Okay, thanks”

My knee jerk answer would be “WTF has it got to do with you?”, but my tolerance for this type of probing is nonexistent

Others have given excellent examples: I’d use one of those. Good luck

Taking some time out is really common and should be seen as a positive move (not negative is the sense that you can't cope at work etc even though it may feel that way now) so make sure you frame it positively to the in laws, you've decided to prioritise the family for a while, you're having a sabbatical, you're looking forward to doing something a bit different next etc.

Then avoid giving any information and give bland but positive responses. If they start questioning you definitely don't get drawn into justifying your decision, the message needs to be that you and your husband have everything under control and they don't need to concern themselves.

Reading your updates, it seems the problem isn't how to explain your career break to them, it's your whole communication with them. You sound as though you dislike them and so everything they say will annoy you? If that's the case, there's no way of responding to questions that will diffuse the conversation, you will have your back up before they ask anything, and you will be irritated after you answer. Try to think about why their thoughts and comments irritate you so much and you might reach a more comfortable place.

Beyond that, you can diffuse comments with thanks, an explanation, and perhaps a throwback question if relevant.

"Like if we are plan a holiday, she may say we should go somewhere cheap."
Thanks, we have gone through our finances and budgeted for this holiday, we are really looking forward to it. Are you booking anything this summer?

"Or she could say that now I'm not working I don't need a cleaner"
Thank for the suggestion. We did actually consider this but decided to keep the cleaner on. No one enjoys cleaning and we can afford it so why not, ha ha!

"or do fewer days of nursery for the kids"
Thanks that's a good suggestion. We are cutting down the nursery days but we're keeping some because it's good for socialisation/development/preparing for school. Do you fancy having some time with the kids when they are out of nursery? They'd love to see you.

"We told you that job was high pressure"
Yes, you were right, I was under a lot of pressure (absolutely nothing wrong with agreeing with them given your opening post!). I'm taking this break now to rest but I really enjoy my work so I'm going to work with my employer to make some changes before I return. Thanks for being concerned about me.

Just say that you saved up in your last role, which was a bit too full on, so you've got some cash saved to play with whilst you spend some time enjoying the kids and then try to find the right thing. It's hard to find the right thing whilst you're working in a really high pressure role and it's hard to argue with wanting some time with your kids when they are small.

Breathe in, breathe out.. allow yourself to let the emotions associated with your response to her comments to go without judgement, needing to fix them or to analyse them. Take a sip of water, offer a cup of tea, walk out of the room, say, sorry what was that.. I just need to grab something from the kitchen, I will be back in a minute.. keep a few stock phrases..

Thanks for your concern, it's nice that you care.

You might have to ask DH about that if you want the details..

We will work this out, it's all good, we are doing what is right for us right now.

We are fine.. you don't need to worry about us.

And then a distraction, as other people have suggested - did you see that Sainsbury's have got their summer clothes in already, are you going on holiday this year, how was your trip to see X, your garden, your new X, your visit to the doctor.. have you seen what X child did at school, will you come to watch them play football at the weekend...