Parent going on holiday without child AGAIN

[Pinkpantsplesse]

Posted on behalf of my dear friend.

My granddaughter lives between her mothers house and her and fathers
House. The parents have both have remarried and all the families and all get along .

One of the parents has taken to going on holiday a lot . Sometimes alone , sometimes with their new partner but not with my granddaughter . Parent A had 4 holidays without her last year - three of these were two weeks. One a week. Parent A has openly said they are now exploring the world and enjoying life . Parent B has no issue with Parent A traveling .

We have just been told this year that parent A is off on 3 LONG trips and our grandchild won’t be going. I know it isn’t my place to judge as she will be with her other parent where she is loved and happy but I can’t help but find myself feeling slightly uncomfortable with parent A jet setting off . AIBU .

Granddaughter is 14 . Seems to be slightly pushing boundaries and attendance has fallen at school . She is a lovely child though . I fear she will feel rejected. However it’s not my place to judge . I watch silently from afar .

Never in a million years would I have ever wanted to leave my child to explore the world whilst they weren’t with me. But then that’s just me .

You're right, don't judge. But thank goodness for Parent B. And what about you - do you live near enough to be a steady constant presence in your grandaughter's life?

I have happily left my DC with my DH to explore the world but that's just me. And vice versa.

You are right that it is not the grandparent's place to judge.

Define LONG.

Its really not your business how they choose to parent.

I’m going to take a wild guess that the parent going travelling isn’t the offspring of the “definitely not judging” grandma.

It does seem a shame not to have taken her at all; at 14, she’d be old enough to get quite a lot out of a wide range of trips and it would presumably be a really nice way for her to build a bond with that parent on a one to one basis. Is your granddaughter upset by it/ does she feel she’d like to have gone too? I suppose that’s the key here.

Seems to be slightly pushing boundaries and attendance has fallen at school

Your GD is still being cared for by parent B who may be more concerned re her schooling already.

Is Parent A my ex husband?!

How long are the trips?

Me too, at 14 it's unlikely they would want to join the parent anyhow.
I don't see a problem, everyone gets on, 2 loving parents who are able to enjoy life and still be a parent.
Imagine the alternative, ...hostile relationships and custody battles

Does she get to go on any holidays? Does she want to go?
Could parent b take her away or could you take her?

If the kid is 14 and it's a fairly recent thing that she's starting travelling alone, then I'd think that it was not that bad.

I like archaeological holidays and poking around in ruins. DC didn't. So I left them with DH and went. We still had a family holiday. Was I supposed to just do Club Med or wait until they left home? Life is too short for all that martyrdom. Carpe diem.

Why do you care? Get a hobby

can't be... cos i think its mine? 😂. when ever he had the kids.. it was classed as 'child minding' so i could go to work... definatly not spending time and building bonds with his children

Exactly @Lentilweaver
If travelling is a hobby and it's feasible then so be it.
If the parent was on a work trip then eyebrows wouldn't be raised no doubt.
I think some people think parents should drop all their interests when kids come along.

Parent B has no issue with Parent A traveling

So what's your friend's problem?

The parents have both have remarried and all the families and all get along

That's really good, and often not the case. Your friend should be really happy that her DGD is growing up in a stable and warm environment.

You sound like a very attuned grandmother, and I’m sure you’re picking up on things the parents are missing. She is very lucky to have you and I’m sure she feels your love & care. Nothing you can do about arsehole parent A unfortunately

The crucial sentence is: Parent B has no issue and doesn't think A is an arsehole for enjoying travel. Unless there is a drip feed about other issues.

OP/her friend need to keep their nose out. If the other parent doesn’t have an issue then why should they

As pp said I am guessing the traveller is the ex of their precious offspring and they want to find fault when it’s not there

If the grandchild is having issues then that’s for the parents to manage and not the grandparent

Surely the critical question is whether Parent A spends plenty of time with their daughter in between trips?

Mummy’s bored. Not particularly flattering to DD, but she can’t travel as a schoolchild anyway.

DD’s got granny, very luckily. I imagine the other family are taking up the slack, and thank goodness they’ve risen to the occasion.

People who welch a bit on family get a shock when family adapt & live happily and breezily without them. That’s the healthy way forward, and well done to the others.

I love how the sex of the travelling parent has not been specified but of course it's bad, reckless mummy who will be punished by the family managing without her! 😂 A 14 yr old doesn't need a whole phalanx of family taking up the slack.

Why on earth do you need to post "for your friend"

There is no charge to join mumsnet if you dont want to use the 'premium' service?

My eldest Dc is nearly 13 and no I wouldn’t do this. It is such an important part of their lives and they go through such changes. I like to be around to support my DC through this. It will not be long till they leave the nest. I have quite a few younger DC too but taking them out of the picture it would be a no from me.

"it's not my place to judge" - you/"friend" are judging though, aren't you. I'm also a grandparent, it's not my place to judge but obviously I do, let's be comfortable with admitting this.

Sounds like parents A and B are happy and getting along. That's fantastic. 14 year old has two happy parents and step family as well as loving grandparents. Also fantastic.