Who is being unreasonable? Baby shower at work

[CCEE8]

Girl at work is having a baby with her wife who is pregnant.

Colleague A is arranging a baby shower to celebrate.

Colleague B thinks a baby shower doesn’t make sense because the girl isn’t pregnant. We don’t organise baby showers for dads.

The pregnant wife doesn’t work for our company and wouldn’t be at the baby shower (it would take place in our office).

Who’s being unreasonable?
YANBU - Colleague A
YABU - Colleague B

This

The options make.no sense between YABU / YANBU however your colleague is not pregnant, no baby shower for her. By all means a nice collection but if you do it for dads to be as well (which we do in our job).

If you believe workplace baby showers are a good thing, I don't know why you wouldn't hold them for fathers; by the same token, no reason not to hold them for the non-pregnant mother. It's not a 'pregnancy' shower, it's a 'baby shower'.

I don’t see any of my colleagues “as a mum”. I see them as colleagues and sometimes friends. What they do outside work and how their family is structured is not relevant.

I think it is better to buy her a present once the baby is born.
When I first left Uni, we had 3 members of staff expecting at the one time. Two ladies and their head of department's wife. All 3 went into labour on the same day. Staff sweepstake on who would deliver first.
One baby born, one dead and one spent 2 weeks in Hospital as born blue.
I have never tempted fate since.

My Brothers work place threw him a little baby shower to celebrate on his last day in the office, they had a horrible and very scary pregnancy loss the year before so I thought it was really lovely that they celebrated him becoming a Dad.

Aw that is so lovely 🥰

If you would have a little party before someone goes off on adoption leave then I'd do this for non pregnant mum to be too.

I've never known a baby shower at any place I've worked, that seems a bit much.... but we do have a collection for anyone (mum or dad) who is having a baby.

I think it’s a nice thing to do, I don’t think it matters that she isn’t carrying the baby.it’s a shame if even before baby is born she is being treated like less of a mum because she didn’t carry the baby. I think a baby shower at work is a bit full on and I think participation should be entirely optional

Every single thing you said applies to dads as well. Why does being a female non-birthing parent instead of male, make a difference?
That aside, I agree with PP that it's a made up social occasion without any rules here in the UK.
And in a professional setting personally I'd ban them. Unless you're a small team. Otherwise the 'popular' people get things organised and not others.

Nobody can stop anybody organising it outside of work but there should be ZERO pressure to attend, or spend any money.

She is a mum though. She's just not the birthing parent. If by 'treating like a mum' you think she should be treated exactly like her pregnant wife, just because she also happens to posses a vagina, then why shouldn't dads get the same treatment?

If anything, mums always get the short end of the stick. Blamed for any bad behaviour, judged no matter what they do. Refer to the endless SAHM vs WOHM here. There's never any angst about how dads working long hours damage their children.

If the argument is that women have a special connection and understand their kids on a deeper level because they gave birth to them, then this other woman who did not will have the same experience as a man.

Any excuse to have a Colin cake and I’m on board 😬

You & your colleagues don't do anything for male colleagues expecting a baby? That actually seems very weird to me. What about moms adopting?

We do some sort of gift & acknowledgement for new/expecting parents, and the specific nature just depends on the person. In general the men don't seem enthused about a real in-person celebration so it's often a joint gift certificate & card left on the desk. Moms tend to be more excited for any who wish (this is never a mandatory work function) gathering for lunch/cupcakes and opening gifts.

I don't agree with babysitters or any type of collections at work.

It csn make a lot of people uncomfortable by feeling that they have to spend money that they may not have.

I'm team B. Yes shes a mum to be, just like a dad who's partner is pregnant is a dad to be, but she isn't pregnant and carrying a baby, which to me throwing a baby shower is about.

And it does seem a bit odd to do this for her but not dads...why is she more special and deserving of more fuss than expectant dads? All are equally important.

It's unreasonable to have a baby shower at all. They are naff.

Completely inappropriate to have a baby shower at place of work.
People must turn up to work, hence u are forcing people to arrive at an event with no gift if they dont want to be part of it.
Baby showers are ridiculous anyway

By baby shower do you mean a full on party or just 10 minutes where your colleague will be given some gifts and a card?

If it’s the latter I don’t see any issue with it, it’s a nice way to celebrate a colleagues life event. We do it for mums and dads where I work.

I hope nothing like this ever happens where I work, woke nonsense is all it is.

But it's because she's a mum not a dad isn't it? She's just not the one who is actually giving birth.

For this reason I think it's a good idea.

A and B both unreasonable! I hate baby showers!

Totally agree with this

My DH's team gave him/us gifts when he broke up before I gave birth to our DD and did a bring and share lunch for him. Nothing super fancy but they like to make a fuss when important events happen for people in their team.

The baby will have two mums. So i woudl dp one (even though i hate the very idea of a baby shower )