Sister dating my ex

[LookOverHere]

My younger sister bumped into my ex boyfriend at a party, said she fancies him, said I’ve moved on, so it’s no problem to date him right? I feel surprisingly upset about it and have never dealt with this before. I know it’s not a crime to date a siblings ex; it happens, many would have no problem, but it feels upsetting to me. She is criticising me for being “possessive and sad”, accused me of still having feelings for him (I don’t in that way, just fond memories) and is calling me jealous. He just wrote me an email also calling me sad and why can’t I just let her be happy. It feels like a gang up and I’m in the way, and I’m getting a lot of criticism, although I haven’t said much. I just haven’t given an enthusiastic green light. They’ll go for it anyway, I think. I’m a new relationship and fairly happy in it, I just feel ick at a guy getting a chance to compare us sexually, and feel a bit thrown under the bus by my (ultra competitive) sister. AIBU?

YANBU, that's weird. Your feelings seem normal to me.

Agree it’s so weird. There are plenty of other men she could date!

Bit weird even if things ended amicably. If they didn't then she's being a dick.

Either way, ICK!

For him to email you as well.. weird, horrible, petty

Weird! Smacks of fulfilling a fantasy (sec with both sisters) by the ex to me!

Oh god, your sister is totally out of line here. Has she no loyalty to you? That's horrible. Ask her how she would feel if you dated one of her exes?

As for him emailing you - what a wanker.

How long were you together? Did he join you in family events etc

I would find that very strange.

I find this very odd. Unless you're all about 15.

I would be fucking furious. That's just grim, and your sister has the loyalty of a slug.

She sounds like a cow and I can't believe he emailed you too! Sounds like they deserve each other, save anyone else getting stuck with them

I think your feelings are justified.
How long were you with him? Did you part on good terms? Is there a chance he could be starting something with your sister as a way to get back at you? As with PP I find it odd he felt the need to email you especially calling you sad etc.

I think it depends a lot on how long you were with him. And how long ago? I had a boyfriend before DH for 5 years I'd think that'd be very weird. One of the short term under 6 months sort of ones (that ended well no cheating etc) I think might make a bit unconformable, but OK

I don't know a single person who would be fine with their sister dating their ex, regardless or how it ended or if they've moved on or not.

Your sister is ridiculous and selfish. I'd be very clear that I would never accept their relationship.

My cousin dated my ex once, my mum said I was unreasonable for finding it odd. But then two of her sisters dated the same man, one even married him. So her opinion is completely screwed, and totally wrong!

although I haven’t said much. I just haven’t given an enthusiastic green light.

what exactly did you say?

Yanbu. But they both sound pretty unreasonable, let them get on with it and the likelihood is that it will implode once the excitement of "getting one over" you wears off, and they have to deal with the reality of a day to day relationship.

It would seem weird to me, but I could probably understand it if a relationship in early 20s ended amicably and then years later (like mid 30s) two people hit it off and start dating. It would be weird to make the transition but it could be managed respectfully.

What you describe is the two of them being very immature and awful. The comments, the email, and general attitude is oddly competitive and spiteful. YANBU.

Just put on a silly voice and say "Oh but your sister used to really like that" ...
And if she doesn't puke and run she's horrid!

She’s free to do it but it feels a bit off to me. There are some things you just don’t do. YANBU - esp as you’ve not ranted or raved about it.

Majorly ick.
Creepy creepy creepy.

It's just odd and weird, bit of an unwritten rule you don't date a friend or siblings ex. Not surprised you feel upset, especially if he's also emailing you, they are ganging up on you!

A similar thing happened with DH’s cousins, although I don’t know the full story. The sisters didn’t speak to each other for years. The guy ended up marrying the younger sister, and the older sister wasn’t at the wedding. The older sister married to someone else now too, and from what I can tell they are now back on speaking terms. (They are in a different country, so we rarely see them and DH doesn’t ask.)

Honestly, I cannot imagine any circumstances under which I’d date my sister’s ex.

Who in their right mind would want a man who's been intimate with their sister?

Offer her your unwanted clothing seeing as how she likes your cast offs.

There are lines you don't cross and this is definitely one of them.

Seems like they are both taking pleasure from it causing you difficulties. If they were really serious they would be trying to do everything they can to accommodate your blessing on the new relationship to make it last long term. Just distance from them, and throw in some ‘sloppy seconds’ comments to your sister that he wasn’t good enough for you but wish her luck with him! Hopefully she will see it isn’t a good look to be dating your sisters ex!