Sister dating my ex

[LookOverHere]

My younger sister bumped into my ex boyfriend at a party, said she fancies him, said I’ve moved on, so it’s no problem to date him right? I feel surprisingly upset about it and have never dealt with this before. I know it’s not a crime to date a siblings ex; it happens, many would have no problem, but it feels upsetting to me. She is criticising me for being “possessive and sad”, accused me of still having feelings for him (I don’t in that way, just fond memories) and is calling me jealous. He just wrote me an email also calling me sad and why can’t I just let her be happy. It feels like a gang up and I’m in the way, and I’m getting a lot of criticism, although I haven’t said much. I just haven’t given an enthusiastic green light. They’ll go for it anyway, I think. I’m a new relationship and fairly happy in it, I just feel ick at a guy getting a chance to compare us sexually, and feel a bit thrown under the bus by my (ultra competitive) sister. AIBU?

He can be ignored by you. He just sounds like a twat and he doesn't matter.

She on the other hand is really out of order. What a weird thing to do. She obviously has no loyalty to you at all. At the very least she could ask whether you were OK with it and back off if you weren't.

Unless he was someone you dated when you were, eg, 15, then yes, it's weird for your sister to go out with your ex.

Both bang out of order. Who dates a sibling’s ex? Very Jeremy Kyle and yes, extremely ick. He’s an idiot emailing you. Are they both very young?

FOG?? what's that?

Not sure why you’re concerned about what your ex is doing. It’s not your problem. Just move on

Everyone having a go at me.. I was 17

You been deliberately goady, you know that!

What about her sister?

Honestly, what’s wrong with your sister? Calling you sad because you don’t agree for her to bed your ex boyfriend? So what if you are over him? What kind of person do that?

I don't think much of your sister, OP. This is just something that decent women don't do.

That's pretty gross, given the thousands of other people they could both have gone for instead.

… by the way, the reason people don’t get involved with siblings’ exes is not because they may have feelings about them, but because it is not nice to have a blooming ex showing up in all important family occasions. It is bad for the family dynamics.

Yeah it’s weird. Whilst I’m happily married, there are two or three people who I’d be mightedly annoyed about my sister dating.

Gross! What is wrong with her?! I can't think of anything worse than being with someone who's shagged my sister

Your stupid sister went on to tell this idiot of a man about it! And he had the hard neck to text you!
I would stay miles away from those two, even from my sister..... it is just plain thoughtless of her to tell him anything.

Regarding your feelings about the fact itself, that is normal, but unreasonable. You will soon forget all about that. The problem is that sister and ex seem to be enjoying drama, rather than really liking each other. Time will tell.
But I would drop any sister of mine, who is unable to keep a convo between us private, like a flipping lead balloon.

I completely understand how you feel and they're not handling it pleasantly. The bloke sounds a particular idiot for wading in.

However the age/ time elapsed/ length and seriousness of the relationship plus reason for breakup do matter.

In my view, the onus would be on you to wade through the feelings around a teenage fling 25 years ago, and wish them well through gritted teeth and let your feelings catch up. Whereas, a serious adult relationship ending in a fairly recent heartbreak would be truly awful for your sister to go there and it would be understandable for you to distance yourself.

I'd just say 'you just didn't strike me as a person who wanted my sloppy seconds, but if you're okay with it...good luck to you. I just thought you'd be aiming higher'.

It's all a bit vom-inducing.

That’s icky and YANBU. They seem to be trying to get a reaction out of you, particularly him emailing you. The attraction will probably wear off quite quickly when they realise you are not going to rise to it

That's fully eeeewwwww creepy!!

WTF is wrong with her that she'd even want him when he's been in your bed?!!

I’m sorry, but yuck. How selfish of her. Just distance yourself for your own good. They are an awful pair 🤮

This happened to me. My younger sister started dating the man who’d ended our relationship when I got pregnant-I terminated the pregnancy. I was furious at the time, but gave my blessing after they’d been together for a few months. They moved in together then she was diagnosed with cancer and he cared for her till she died. My deepest regret is arguing with her over it.

My auntie ended up marrying my mum's ex-boyfriend. Every Christmas he would get drunk and joke about how he'd had sex with them both. My auntie would be mortified and my cousins would be dying of cringe trying to shut him up. I think my mum was just relieved he wasn't her problem.

Oh god! I can just imagine it

Well its a bit weird but I think there would be a difference if she's dating an ex who you were with long term and was very much a partner to someone you had a bit of a fling with.

Only a year?