Annoyed with partner finances AIBU

[Rockdaylia44]

So bit of background been together 13 year's living together in my home for 7years whilst he rents out his house in our early 40's.
No kids together but 1 daughter each at University's from previous marriages.now my issue is DP earns double what I earn and insists everything financially is halves on bill's everything. He's a good partner caring,loyal, thoughtful but I'm from a traditional background where the husband ( my father) takes care and pays for his wife as the main breadwinner. I've recently had a work contract end and am earning less whilst looking for a new job in sales. Really want to go on a overseas vacation I told him I'm strapped for cash currently for him to reply that's tough we won't be able to go and give it a miss this yr. AIBU to expect my life partner to not offer to pay for me? Really disappointed with his reaction. He said a vacation isn't essential and he'd help more with bills.

until we had a child i was happy paying half for things as why should i end up worse off because i have a partner??

I think you can't claim you're the old fashioned values type while you're not married, unfortunately.

My take (which may not be how he is thinking, but it might be):

At the moment, you are boyfriend & girlfriend/ roommates. Legally, he's doing exactly the right thing. I think either you marry & merge your financial situation & go for it, or you keep things separate.

If you keep financial life separate & don't want to marry, that says to me (only my perspective) you both aren't 100% sure you'll be together long term, so you want a "get out" as it were & to be able to walk away unscathed. In that scenario, he's protecting himself.

You need a chat about your relationship, what you want, where it's going etc.

As said, that's how I personally view relationships & if I had to guess, how he sees things. Perhaps not, though!!

Good luck x

but I'm from a traditional background where the husband ( my father) takes care and pays for his wife as the main breadwinner

YABVU with this ^

I think the rest of it has all sorts of "it depends" about it, and none of the answers are right or wrong, just different opinions, which you need to talk about seriously.

You say you are traditional, and yet, you are living with someone, without getting married, and without forming a partnership.
Which is fine as long as that is what you both want.
But, as you both get older, what are both of your feelings on supporting each other through thick and thin. What about if one of you wants to retire early ? Or go part time ? How are your assets split when one of you dies ? Or if you separate ? (Get complicated if he has been paying half the mortgage for years).
Wanting to live beyond your means only works if you are in a place where you both have savings / income other than salary.

In terms of how you split the day to day expenses, sometimes the decision on if it is 50:50 or if it is in proportion to your income, becomes much more important if you are living hand to mouth, or on a tight budget. If you are both on relatively good money, then discrepancies might not matter so much.
However, If I'd been with someone 13 years, 7 of which I'd been living with them, I would like to think that if they did have a lot of savings, they would treat me to a holiday. Of course, difficult to know, if this is a reasonable holiday or a really expensive one, and if you don't have money because you are in a job that pays poorly or if it is because you are a bit of a spendthrift.

So much of this is "it depends" for me.

Really want to go on a overseas vacation I told him I'm strapped for cash currently for him to reply that's tough we won't be able to go

Is there is a ‘he’ missing at the start of that sentence, and it’s him really pushing a holiday? That would be a bit odd to push it knowing you had no money. .

If it’s you saying you want a foreign holiday knowing you can’t afford it and expecting him to pay, then that’s cheeky!