Annoyed with partner finances AIBU

[Rockdaylia44]

So bit of background been together 13 year's living together in my home for 7years whilst he rents out his house in our early 40's.
No kids together but 1 daughter each at University's from previous marriages.now my issue is DP earns double what I earn and insists everything financially is halves on bill's everything. He's a good partner caring,loyal, thoughtful but I'm from a traditional background where the husband ( my father) takes care and pays for his wife as the main breadwinner. I've recently had a work contract end and am earning less whilst looking for a new job in sales. Really want to go on a overseas vacation I told him I'm strapped for cash currently for him to reply that's tough we won't be able to go and give it a miss this yr. AIBU to expect my life partner to not offer to pay for me? Really disappointed with his reaction. He said a vacation isn't essential and he'd help more with bills.

Yes YABU and I hope you’re not passing your “traditional values” to your daughter

We have our own bank accounts none together

Bills should be split in proportion to earnings, not 50/50.

However YABU to expect him to pay for a holiday for you, just because you came from a traditional background doesn't mean everyone thinks the same way, he clearly doesn't and that's OK.

We live in a different world
Now to years agonwhen women couldn't vote and mortgage applications were based on a husbands wage

Women are equal and have equal
rights

I have never and would never expect a man to keep me op.

It's a pretty big thing to not agree on and I don't understand why this conversation wasn't had when he moved into yours

I have in laws and parents that did not the old school way and the women tag along to whatever decision is made on finances by the man.

YABU he's only making £150 off his rental, the rest he's saving so you can both benefit from a nicer area.
When I first read this I thought he was making a fair bit more, sounds like your both only breaking even.

You want a traditional relationship

He doesn't

Neither of you is unreasonable. You just have different expectations. You need to decide if you are happy with what he is offering.

(Please note, if you and he had joint kids and you had spent time at home bringing them up it would be different).

As it’s not a necessity, I’m tempted to say YABU. No one has to have a foreign holidays.

However it doesn’t sound much like you are partners. More girlfriend and boyfriend who live in the same house. Surely it was understood what the set up when you moved in together?

He sounds very sensible tbh. You are between jobs and he’s offered to pay extra towards the bills
Yet you expect him to use that money to buy you a holiday instead?
YABU

Course he is, a man who has shown he he doesn’t share anything with you, is absolutely saving for both of you…

He has no obligation to share his money with you, but it doesn’t strike me as very loving that he’d never treats you. I think you need to decide if this relationship is for you or not.

Hang on a minute, he's renting his house out and earning money from that.
Then living in yours and paying half so you are enabling him to make a stash of money for himself?
Sorry I don't have any respect for stingy and sponging men who make money off you.

He won't be sharing any of that money with you.

But he’s paying half the OP’s mortgage too without being on the deeds!
She can’t have her cake and eat it to be fair to him.

Just to add, he’s an idiot for paying half the mortgage while having no stake in the OP’s house too.

As for splitting bills 50/50, that’s always divisive on here. Half seem to think it should be 50/50 regardless of income whereas the other half reckon it should be proportional - I’m usually a fan of 50/50 (as long as one partner doing lots of childcare etc isn’t involved)

You are in a precarious situation. He can have a claim on half your house. You have no claim on his savings.

No one has to support any other adult in this world. Some people choose too, but that is entirely their prerogative. It sounds like you have found a nice, pleasant, man who looks for equality and independence in a relationship.

This isn’t what you want from a relationship, there are men out there who will financially support you- but you need to pick one of those- you can’t just demand that.

I can't see why you would suggest a holiday abroad, knowing that you can't afford to pay for one, and expect him to pay?

Agree with previous posters who says that it isn't the 50's anymore and I don't think we are in the days where a man is expected to pay for everything just because he's a male.

He is mean.
costs should be proportional to income.
he should be helping you out in your time of need.
he doesn’t see you as his life partner

I don’t think costs should be proportional to income in this case, half and half is fair. There is no marriage or shared DC. OP when you get another job save up for your holiday, if he doesn’t fancy going anywhere then go with a friend or on your own.

It sounds like he's saving up for his future as I'm guessing that the savings are not joint. He's got a great deal.

He’s already paying half the mortgage on a property he has no stake in!!! Typically if the situations are reversed mumsnet would advise the woman that he shouldn’t be profiting off her living with him, or she should go on the deeds.

He doesn’t want a financially dependent partner- he’s well within his rights to want that. Provided his choices arent costing the OP more - wanting a more expensive TV package, or choosing a more expensive supermarket then she isn’t being financially disadvantaged. In fact she is better off being with him!

You mean if you were a man or if you earned more than him?

You're not married and he's paying half your marriage. YABU and grabby to expect him to pay for your holidays too.

He's taking the mick!

What the fuck. He's paying half of OP's mortgage (on a house he doesn't own) and ALL her bills.

This thread is making women look like gold diggers.

How?

Why aren’t you married? If you want a traditional dynamic at least pretend to adhere to traditions.