17 year old boys driving a car-full of mates

[95percentcocoa]

It’s dark and pouring with rain and past 9 pm. My 17 year old son is mad that I don’t want him getting picked up and getting driven around all evening by his 17 year old friend who has just passed his test this week in a car full of their mates.

It just seems like a recipe for disaster to me and would prefer he waits for a few weeks / drives him in daylight etc. He says I’m over anxious and paranoid. AIBU?

[ConstitutionHill]

You are not BU. Thinking of that awful tragedy in Wales just after Christmas.

[Margaritavillee]

He’s 17 so I think yabu. God forbid he could cross the road tomorrow and get hit by a bus. Daylight/lack of rain doesn’t guarantee safety. Plus you saying no makes him look a bit sad

[Mummyratbag]

There is a reason 17 year olds pay huge insurance premiums.

[Aquamarine1029]

You're not being unreasonable at all. Many states in the US have laws about how many people, aside from immediate family members, can be in the car with new drivers, and the number can increase over time. Young people are not experienced enough, and often not mature enough, to have mates who will invariably distract them from driving safely.

Stick to your guns.

[DiveBombingSeagull]

Absolutely no way!

When my two first passed their tests, the rule was no friends in the car for the first month to give them time to get over the giddiness of passing.

Sadly so many young drivers get killed on the road after being egged on to go faster / showing off to friends.

I myself was almost one of those casualties for doing similar - it was sheer luck that I was in a big sturdy car and happened to be slowed down by a fence that I ploughed through..

[KidsandKindness]

You're definitely not being unreasonable OP, a friend of my granddaughters recently went out on a wet miserable night with 2 of 3 mates in the car, he's normally a careful driver, but chatting away, and messing around, led to him having a small accident. However, it could just have easily been a big one, so I wouldn't be happy to let my DS go out under the circumstances you've described. Ask him why young men are so expensive to insure, and then tell him, that it's because of just these sort of circumstances. I hope you're able to keep him safe, but his mate needs more experience on the roads before going out driving in awful conditions with his friends in the car putting him off.

[nocoolnamesleft]

YANBU. We had that situation when I was at college. Five 17 year olds driving round in a car, raining, playing music, chatting, distracted, probably going a bit fast. No drink or drugs involved. Only one of them survived the crash.

[Justkeepswiimming]

Absolutely not out of order. How you address it without him being angry I have no idea. But a car full of young men poses a significantly higher risk of accident. In 2022 a fifth of all serious or fatal crashes involved young people. Young male drivers aged 17 - 24 are 4 times more likely to be killed or seriously injured than over 25s. This risk increases when the car is carrying passengers. There has been a lot on the news about this recently after some high profile crashes.

[Nomorecoconutboosts]

I do sometimes think wonder when people think this is ok, if they have experience of their teens recently passing a driving test. (A bit like with any teen type thread you get parents of toddlers giving quite unrealistic advice)

fwiw my oldest is almost 20, passed her test a year ago (delays with lessons due to Covid). I am still aware that although she is sensible she is relatively inexperienced and could be distracted by friends but obviously I keep this to myself as she is over 18. I did worry for a while and I think this is a justifiable worry. Even if they aren’t blatantly showing off they are potentially distracted by friends and music etc.

[Haanaah]

A parents nightmare. I stopped my DS in similar situations.

Youngsters think they are invincible. Cars are lethal.

Sadly, very local to me.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-68568125

[Knitgoodwoman]

At my school there was a big crash where 3 people died, showing off to his mates at 17. Otherwise a sensible guy who was getting good grades. YANBU.

[Nomorecoconutboosts]

And I am aware of a colleague whose child died in similar circumstances - car full of 17/18 year old lads. Absolutely tragic can’t imagine what the parents have been through.

[Haanaah]

There is a campaign running. Write to your MP.

https://news.sky.com/story/new-drivers-under-25-could-face-young-passenger-ban-under-graduated-driving-licence-scheme-12864069

[ScarlettOBan]

When I was 17 and a passenger in a car with 3 friends, the driver was distracted as we were all laughing about something and pulled out without looking looking properly - I’ll spare you the gory details but I ended up with a fractured skull.

On a dark rainy night with a newly qualified driver involved, I don’t think you’re being over cautious.

[Møøse]

@Haanaah

A parents nightmare. I stopped my DS in similar situations.

Youngsters think they are invincible. Cars are lethal.

Sadly, very local to me.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-68568125

Local to me too.
So many lives affected by this.
OP stick to your guns, it’s not worth it.

[Ossoduro2]

Well done for not letting him go. The more parents step in to protect their young lads from these situations the better. At this age their brains have not developed enough to recognise risks in the same way a 25 year old would. When you’re the only parent saying no it makes it so much harder.

[AGodawfulsmallaffair]

A 17 yr old where I live has just crashed head on into another car causing serious life changing injury to the other occupants. He had a car full of his mates and also tested positive for drugs. They really are too young to be driving with passengers, if at all.

[Abouttimeforanamechange]

Definitely not being unreasonable.

Every time you read of a vehicle smash with 4-5 fatalities, you know it will turn out to be a carload of 17-18 yos.

There's always a number of them in the summer, post A Levels.

[Allfleshisgrass]

YANBU, the stats speak for themselves.

https://www.brake.org.uk/get-involved/take-action/mybrake/knowledge-centre/young-drivers

I’d want him to wait a few weeks.

[redalex261]

Definitely not unreasonable. They are inexperienced idiots at this age. Adding friends just makes it worse. TBH, wound be more worried about driving with friends a few weeks down the line when the cockiness sets in. They are careful first few weeks. It’s terrifying.

[Nomorecoconutboosts]

@95percentcocoa you've done the right thing but it can be thankless making the right decision and sticking to it

[colouredball]

You are absolutely right of course I think perhaps this is something people need to tell their kids about as fact from the mid teen years so there is no big surprise when the time comes

[sleepyscientist]

Depends what he is driving and what they are generally like. Ie sensible vs reckless.

We all got sturdy cars as 1st cars (Mini, golf, A3 etc) and it usually involved a McDonald's run on the most boring roads that you would struggle to hit 40 on and if you hit anything it would be a shit mams going to kill me (no trees to collide with) as you were in someone's front garden or the farmers field. I personally took out a farmers hedge at 10mph was more embarrassing confessing my sins so he would pull me out.

Just bought an SUV that will likely become DS 1st car in 5 years, part of picking it for me was the safety rating and that it's cheap to insure third party for a 17 year old!!

[95percentcocoa]

Thanks for the replies and sorry for anyone who's been involved in these horrible accidents. I am always checking myself to not let unreasonably anxious thoughts interfere with him having fun and being independent. However it seems my instincts are justified in this instance.

[DrMadelineMaxwell]

I was grateful that DD seemed to be making her own judgements on the safety of other teen drivers who were happy to offer her lifts to places when they had just passed.

When I asked whether she was going on a trip somewhere, where a Harry had offered to give her a lift she told me she'd replied "No Harry - I choose life!" because she deemed him too risky.