To think my child is likely to have more opportunities throughout life if I send them to probs to school?

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I’m not so much talking about the morality of it. But statistically, those who go to private school end up in the best jobs, have broader experiences of life etc. And this seems to remain the case throughout life.

I work in a prestigious/competitive industry and in my team 9 out of 11 went to private school.

Of course there are exceptions. But if I wanted to do as much as possible to secure the best opportunities in future for my child, AIBU to think private school is one of the key ways to achieve that?

Edited: private school not probs!!!

I also know private educated and state educated folks too and all are lovely

plus I also know of a state educated doctor and a surgeon too so going private might help but not always. Just saying

it isn’t a race to the bottom or is that the top!!

Well my eldest was home educated.. she's on 90 to 120 k
I must have done a good job.

Not all private schools are created equal. I went to one which wasn't particularly academic and would probably have done just as well at a good state school.

Dh however went to a top London one for boys and i think apart from academic achievement it gave him confidence. He has always believed he can achieve anything. He never feels overawed and can hold his own with anyone no matter who they are.

@ivee

are fluent in 2-3 languages

Are they living abroad for a couple of years?

It's an interesting conversation, and one that has come up on MN for years.
It's definitely true that not all private schools are equal, and not all state schools are equal - so it's probably impossible to draw any definitive conclusions.

I come from a family of 6 siblings, all of us state educated. We all grew up in Scotland, so state comprehensive schooling was the norm for most folk.

One of my DB's has done exceptionally well for himself, a high earner in London, as is DSiL.
My niece and nephews are roughly the same age as my 3 DCs.

DB put his 3 DCs through private school, at a cost that was eye-watering to me.

I put my 3 DCs through state school in Yorkshire - a good local school, and we didn't need to pay a house price premium.

All 3 of my DCs achieved higher academically than my brother's DCs - and my sister's DCs also achieved higher grades.

However - we all attended a family event last summer, and it was quite clear to me that my niece and nephews had an air of confidence, that my DC's didn't.
My niece and nephews had the ability to join any conversation with anyone, and were fully able to offer their opinions on any subject.
My DC's tended to hold back? They were polite when spoken to, but seemed to lack the confidence to enter themselves into conversations?

My niece and nephews are all still living at home (in Surrey), and have secured themselves professional jobs - lined up by contacts of DB and DSiL. They are earning very well, and will soon be able to afford a deposit on a London property.

My DS, with his better degree grade, is working hard, paying his rent in Newcastle. He doesn't rely upon me financially whatsoever, but is highly unlikely to be able to save up a deposit.

I don't have 'contacts', and DS doesn't have 'networks', and he definitely isn't as "polished" as his privately educated cousins.

That’s not the school though Jock that’s the parents sorry. Our state educated teens and most of those of our friends have those social skills taught and modelled by parents not teachers. School only gave them 6 hours a day. The state and private pupils undistinguishable. There are painfully shy monosyllabic teens from both sectors.

@TheaBrandt at private schools they tend to have them for 8 hours a day but yes fundamentally parents model manners etc

Literally just spent the last 2 hours with lovely group of parents and teens mix of state and private - zero difference

State is only 6 hours they are keen to see the back of them by 3.15 😀

I think a sensible way of viewing private school is as a way to enrich your child’s education at the time. There is no doubt they will have access to better facilities, better student teacher ratios, inspiring school trips, high quality school meals, a more mature / engaged class attitude when it comes to learning, etc etc. These are all good reasons for choosing private school, if you can afford it. However they don’t guarantee success in life long-term. If you are seeking that, then you may be putting large amounts of pressure on your child, which may not end well.

can you afford the school fees without it drastically affecting your lifestyle? If you scrape together the money each term and go without holidays, house upgrade etc as a family, how are you going to feel if your child doesn’t achieve high flier status as they go through school? Will you be happy enough that they are having an enriching experience?

Much success in life has to do with tenacity, determination, a clear drive in one particular area, and lack of mental health issues. Private school can’t sort any of this out long term. I have adhd and can’t stick a job for more than a year which infuriates me. But I left school with better grades than my brother (all A’s). He had a clear interest / obsession in one field and has worked away at that for over 20 years and is now very successful. We both went to state school.