To think my child is likely to have more opportunities throughout life if I send them to probs to school?

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I’m not so much talking about the morality of it. But statistically, those who go to private school end up in the best jobs, have broader experiences of life etc. And this seems to remain the case throughout life.

I work in a prestigious/competitive industry and in my team 9 out of 11 went to private school.

Of course there are exceptions. But if I wanted to do as much as possible to secure the best opportunities in future for my child, AIBU to think private school is one of the key ways to achieve that?

Edited: private school not probs!!!

There’s no right answer to this other than do your research, know your child and understand your own financial circumstances.

Why is it presented as ’artificially inflated’ at a private school, and as an indictment of private schooling, of rather than ‘children are disadvantaged a schools that fail to properly support them’?

Isn’t supporting children to achieve their full potential supposed to be desirable? On one hand it seems people want their children to have the same opportunities as private school children, while at the same time presenting those opportunities as a negative.

What is it that’s actually wanted? Educational support, or the educational hunger games?

Yes, it’s a bit like the breastfeeding and better outcomes stats. Hard to control for associated economic and educational aspects.

And while I agree with you to an extent (DH and I are both from poor families with low literacy rates, parents all left school by 13, his older siblings by 15 — first to go to university in both cases), I think it’s hard for children from affluent families to have the same sense of urgency. There was no money or help to go to university, at home, or support at school. I knew that if I wanted to get to university I was going to have to win a series of scholarships, do all the applications etc myself. One particular entrance scholarship (for my local university) I was almost the only non-private school student sitting it (we were all wearing school uniforms) and I still won one.

It’s hard for DS, who has grown up in comfortable circumstances with parents with multiple postgrad degrees, to feel he doesn’t have to fight for every chance.

True!

I’m a private school parent. It’s not “all that”. At all. Why do we send our kids there? We think it’s better than the local state alternative in terms of resources and facilities and we don’t really notice the money. But I wouldn’t sacrifice much for it, if you see what I mean? I’d far rather use that money to give my kids extra curricular opportunities on top of state provision than pay for private and have to cut those out. And I’m convinced that that’s what makes the most difference to what you’re talking about.

I only know three people who went to private school. All are unpleasant in their views on other people re race, poverty, benefits etc. Is this because of private school or wealth in general?
I think if private schools were banned we would soon see huge improvement in education for everyone because those with money and power would insist upon it if their little darlings had to attend the local comp.

I would say the nature of the child and the family environment have way more influence than school. Also you can't put all state or private school in the same bag as they are all unique and suit some children better than others. Look at your local options and your finances. Good luck!

Because you don’t want everyone to be equal. You want your child to have the edge. The private school system only exists because of the desire for preferential treatment.

No it skits just wanting to get ahead

It's also just wanting your child to achieve what they are capable of because that tends to make happier healthier people

A bright child who is neglected at a state school because they meet the minimum standard turns into an unhappy and disruptive child very quickly

The current state system is failing - the system - not individual teachers and schools

Parents generally prefer their own children, and will prioritise them over others, yes.

Basically then, if it’s not available to everyone is should be available to no one, and that parents should basically prioritise ‘equality’ over providing what they can to the children they’re actually responsible for? I’m certainly glad my parents didn’t have this mindset.

How far does this equality go? Should no parent encourage reading because not every child has parents that do? What about after schools clubs and summer clubs? Hobbies? Music lessons?

I used to think it was true about state schools being better if everyone went there.

Then I look at the state of the ambulance service and emergency medicine which everyone has to use and I am not so sure.

That’s wishful thinking. The parents that didn’t find alternatives to state schools would do the same thing they do now - buy within the catchment areas of desirable state schools (and create the knock on impact of that), essentially creating a minority of ‘private’ state schools that will flourish while others continue to fail.

@WillowRoseTile the thing is education is used by more and more frequently for longer. I believe this has worked very well in Finland.

That’s always the lazy fallback for parents who claim they were forced into private schooling by inadequacies in the state sector. Just send your kid to the local school and stop inventing hysterical scenarios about what ‘everyone’ would do — they won’t catch ‘prole’ from their classmates. Or suggesting you’re actually doing state schools a favour by freeing up a place.

It’s hardly a fallback when that is exactly what would happen, and is demonstrably the case now. The vast majority of parents use state schools, yet somehow the standards vary wildly. I’m not sure why you think private schools being banned would somehow change this instead of entrenching it.

And ‘fallback’? For what, anyway? People have given their reasons. That you don’t like their reasons, and dislike the use of private schools, a ‘you’ problem. You don’t need to like them 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would think that money brings advantages that people without money can't compete with.
Scrimping and saving to get child into a cheaper private school is not going to be a lot better than sending child to state school and using extra money for enrichment, trips, holidays.

How does it come up in workplaces that people went to private school? Do they have to say or do people google the name of their school when they mention it?
If I said I went to St Peters in Essex, would anyone know if that was private or state? (I have made that one up)
I'd be kind of hoping that after a few years my work experience and other qualifications would be more important than the name of my (average private) school.

It's been true recently (since the end of grammar school system) on average (some children are bullied or don't suit the private school they are in) but it might not be true by the time your DC hits the workforce. There might be positive discrimination to get more state school educated into top jobs, private schools might deteriorate due to cost of living crisis of middle class.

I think it’s more ‘if it’s not available to me it shouldn’t be available to anyone’. But that wouldn’t be admitted to of course. So rather than being honest, it is changed to the old socialist (or communist) argument. If it’s not available to everyone it’s available to no one. Bring everyone down rather than try and raise people up. Hence getting rid of most grammars - which gave able students from any background, a good start. No no that’s not acceptable, let’s get rid of them. Etc etc.

I was privately educated until 11, earned 4 degrees, attended the University of Cambridge and now I teach in a private school and am about to buy a home there. My sisters who were privately educated their whole lives are both lawyers. My Mum scrubbed floors to send us there and is still paying off school fees with her blood and sweat.

Three of my close friends who went to private school their entire lives are now doctors /or surgeons. My closest state school friends are mostly single mothers or otherwise not up to much.

HOWEVER, I think it's more to do with the family values on education than private education itself, in all honesty.

I certainly won't be able to afford to send my kid to private school, but I will have high standards for what I expect him to achieve.

Knowing 3 people who went to private school is hardly a representative sample. That's like saying I know 3 people who went to state school and are vile, are they all like that?

Slightly less relevant for the schools discussion, but thought I'd share the piece published recently.

You know, how the commonly shared narrative is that the UK has got ridiculous levels of inequality? As usual, people pushing the narrative do not like the stats and boring numbers. It might surprise you, but the UK is far less unequal (in wealth terms) compared to most major European economies (Gini index).

When comparing the wealth held by the top 10% (concentration of wealth), UK ranks second best (ie less concentrated) in Europe, just behind Belgium.

I bet this is not the narrative you will ever hear from politicians or media.

https://www.euronews.com/business/2024/04/01/wealth-inequality-where-in-europe-is-wealth-most-unfairly-distributed?fbclid=IwAR3MGtC5OSeOkaFtrqC_zKlG1mNX2Go_lBV98wCK-99ECq3UY5NG28_ccnc

The people I know who went to private schools are all lovely.

Do you know where everyone you know went to school?

This is the thing I always find strange about threads like this.

God there are some trite embarrassing posts on this thread. How decent a person you are or aren’t usnt linked to your income level 🙄