How rude is waving / summoning waiting staff?

[Passionfruitsoda]

In a busy cafe, staff are not actually attentive, they are polite though, but friend/colleague is also impatient.

She waves people over but in a friendly, smiling way. So not aggressive or intentionally rude.

I feel it's rude and I find it embarrassing. But I'm quite sensitive to these things.

How else is she supposed to get their attention? Or do you just wait like a lemon until they come over to your table?

What do you do in those circs op?

You’re massively over thinking this. I’m struggling to even see this as any kind of ‘issue’ to be honest.
Friendly and smiling waving them over no, not rude at all. She politely gaining their attention.
If she was clapping her hands at them, shouting, whistling them over etc, completely different story

So you would prefer the staff to:

Be mind readers and know when you would like to ask them something

Or

Interrupt repeatedly to keep asking if you would like something just in case

???

I'd look over or go up to the bar or where they were I'd never actively wave my arm. But I'm neurodivergent and I do think I tend to think things are rude which aren't. I think I err on the cautious side with things like this. Which is why I asked.

I'm a smiley waver. Can't be waiting about for inattentive serving staff for ever. I would consider clicking fingers or shouting rude. You're over thinking this OP.

It's interesting people are assuming I meant I'd do nothing. I mean like actively waving and calling out.

Absolutely fine and normal if done nicely.

I think getting up and approaching where they are standing is ruder. I would only ever do that as a last resort. It's quite intrusive and indicates you've been ignored from your table several times.

I wait until they’re walking past and give it the old “excuse me, when you’ve got a second could you…”

Waving, clicking etc will always be rude, even if it’s done by someone smiley.

As I say I am nd. I feel like the replies are acting like I'm the rude one / problematic to have any kind of issue with this.

This makes me think I definitely have more issues understanding social interactions than I even thought! 😂

I'd like to reassure people I absolutely have in no way communicated my thoughts! As this is also something I wouldn't do!

You'd "look over". That only works if the staff are actively keeping an eye out for people who want their attention. Which it does not sound like they are.

Or you'd "go over to the bar". NOTHING irritates me more than having to get up to ask for the bill or another drink. If I'm paying for table service I expect table service.

A friendly smiley wave and a beckon is a perfectly acceptable way to get attention in this situation. Snapping fingers, shouting, grabbing etc are not.

You say that your friend is neurotypical and you are not. That is why you're confused by it. Your friend is doing quite a mundane and socially normal thing. She's not being rude.

I think that's fine and normal, I've worked as a waitress.

Clicking fingers, shouting 'garçon!' (yes, really...) or 'service!' are likely to get soup tipped down your neck.

But eye contact with a smile and a raised hand to signify you need something, or miming signing a bill - are perfectly polite imo.

Honestly - as long as it is being done politely, I don't see anything wrong with waving or calling to the wait staff.

Obviously shouting at them "Oi, you! Come here now!" is rude, but waving and saying "Excuse me please" is perfectly acceptable.

YABU

DFil actually tapped someone on the back as they were serving another customer. That was rude!

I think a polite wave and 'excuse me' as someone is walking past is fine, if they aren't obviously mid-task.

See I disagree - I think this is rude.

Leaving your table and going over to the bar is a very visible way of implying that they are not doing a very good job and have failed to notice a customer needs something.

To do that without even having tried to (politely) get someone's attention from your table is what I would find strange.

I didn't say she was nt she is not.

I agree with this - when I was a waitress I found the smiley wavers generally quite annoying. Eye contact, turning to look for a member of staff, saying “excuse me” etc are all fine, and coming up to a staff member eg at the till and asking is also fine. Smiley wavers usually think they’re being a lot more polite than they are…

Exceptions for older people/those who are less able to move about, or those at a big table of people where you might miss them due to general chaos around them 😁

I would do a mixture. I'll try to get someone's attention by a polite wave/excuse me. But if I see someone taking payment at a till, I'll wait at a distance until they've served the customer, then I'll approach and mention that I'd like the bill/need something. I'll happily return to my table and wait.

If catching their eye wasn't cutting it, and they weren't walking past for "excuse me" then I would raise my hand along with eye catching to make sure they realised it wasn't accidental.

In certain circumstances I think calling out or waving is also fine.

What's not fine is what my in laws do. Where without making eye contact or waiting to be acknowledged they will bark requests at staff that are clearly busy.....waiter putting food on neighbouring table "3 beers please"
Waiter carrying plates back to kitchen...."I'll have the fish"

You don’t sound at all rude to me @Passionfruitsoda 🙂

The signing the bill mine is funny, I had to have that explained to me as the last time a bill was signed customarily must be at least 20-25 years ago.

What sort of wave is it?

I've just realised I've said a smile and raised hand is polite - but I'm imagining a hand raised palm out, to about shoulder height, just to signify you're smiling at the person, not just smiling generally.

If she's sticking her arm up in the air like a kid at school, that's rude.

@Passionfruitsoda

I didn't say she was nt she is not.

Ah. Well, in that case she is still engaging in the more normative social interaction regardless.

It's not rude to raise a hand, wave, even cheerfully call out to a water or waitress passing you in a restaurant. They are busy and sometimes you need to give a wave for the bill etc. As long as you are cheerful and polite about it, it isn't rude.