How rude is waving / summoning waiting staff?

[Passionfruitsoda]

In a busy cafe, staff are not actually attentive, they are polite though, but friend/colleague is also impatient.

She waves people over but in a friendly, smiling way. So not aggressive or intentionally rude.

I feel it's rude and I find it embarrassing. But I'm quite sensitive to these things.

Not rude at all. Are you going to sit there all day?

I used to work in a cafe and I felt irritated when people got up from their table and came to the counter to get me - it just feels a bit OTT

If you're in a cafe with more snippy/moody staff and go up to the counter I find they actually give you a moody look and tell you to sit down!

This poster is a prime example of why service in UK hospitality is crap.
Serve people, it is your job to notice and be attentive.
The rest of the world manages just fine-just the UK seems to have staff who are blind and tbh not capable of doing the job.

Also, possibly slightly controversial here, but I'd say if you have had t do the wave and smile thing, even if you're being as polite as possible, the service has already failed. The staff should be trying to keep an eye out so that you CAN just catch their eye, without any need to use movement as a way to get their attention.

But then, I spent years waitressing and working in shops and apparently those years have ingrained a certain expectation for service which I find is often not met. Perhaps I am getting old.

Sorry I don't know what you mean with your question or the implication of it.

It's ruder to get up in a restaurant and go to where the waiter is...

It’s more weird to go walking around a cafe or restaurant to speak to the staff. If it’s table service that is. If you’re in a place with tha or service and circulating staff, you don’t get up and go walk over to them. It’s socially normal to politely signal them. You’re friend is doing what you’re meant to do!

@Passionfruitsoda Can I ask what your ND is? DS has ADHD and he has the standard fear of his parents being too polite or too rude. I think part of it is just been a teenager, but I do sometimes wonder if part of it is his ADHD and an inability to understand what's appropriate.

Similarly, we suspect (now that we understand more about ADHD) that DH also has ADHD. He's much better now but in the early days of our relationship his OVER politeness used to make me cringe. Things like, in a cafe, he'd attempt to clear the table. The fact that there are staff there to clear the table and there's no where for him to clear the table to didn't seem to occur to him. He just hated the idea that people (serving staff) might think he was expecting too much from them. (those cafes where you have to take your tray to a central depository are so great for him. He LOVES those).

Or someone would be making inappropriate small talk and getting behind on the task and he'd have a meltdown if me (or the person in front) was less than dazzlingly friendly back even though it was causing chaos.

Even with driving - he's sometimes so busy letting people in that I think he disrupts traffic and he even landed up in an accident once as a result!!!!

I often wonder if these are lesser-known aspects of his probably ADHD.

Actually I was really good at my job and that’s why no one needed to smiley wave at me, catching my eye worked because I was always looking out. But thanks! I’ve experienced crap service many times too, usually from dim looking teenage boys, and quite frankly you could let off a firework and they wouldn’t notice let alone wave.

Perhaps I’m alone in finding the majority of smiley wavers are women of the “tinkly laugh” variety

But @Bristolnewcomer You said that smiley wavey is rude. Then you say that actually, no one did it to you because you were a good waitress. Perfectly fine and I 100% agree with that. I feel strongly that I shouldn't have to smile and wave.

But what about when the wait staff aren't good and aren't paying attention - then the smiley wave thing becomes necessary.

What? How else do you wave down a server? Stick up your hand with a grump on your face?

I don’t think I’ve ever been accused of tinkly laughter, but when I’m getting a server’s attention, I will wave at them and smile whilst sort of raising eyebrows and mouthing “can we get the bill” or whatever.

Yabu how else are you supposed to get their attention.

I'd say they're more likely to be in the "so FXXXing tired of always having to wait to be served and constantly being ignored" variety.

I like it when I don't have to wave a staff member over. In the perfect world, they'll be passing by or looking around and I can get their attention easily. I often prefer to go places where I can pay upfront because it is so tedious endlessly waiting to receive, and then pay, the bill.

I completely agree, no matter where in the world I’ve been served, the service is fantastic and attentive. Most places in the UK you mostly get ignored and you have to do the awkward wave or “excuse me” whilst they’re passing. I rarely tip in the UK because the service is usually poor.

Waving is ok, beckoning not so much.

Bellowing "can I get some service please" loudly across the cafe, absolute no no.

I have a longstanding theory that the issue is NOT the staff themselves, but that for whatever reason, in this country, we don't seem to provide training on service. I'm not sure if that's the fault of the hospitality industry itself, or is somehow linked to some other bigger societal issue.

But in my town, there are a few places/shops/restaurants that I have been visiting for years and have consistently found the service to be excellent. I assume therefore that these places have a system in place to recruit the right staff, and then offer them the training needed. One in particular is fascinating to me because it appears to only employ students / very young people - even the managers are all young - and yet they are consistently helpful, engaged, knowledgeable and efficient etc.

In the case of hospitality, one difference between the UK and many other countries is that it's often staffed by people who are doing it as a stopgap. In many other countries, the wait staff in a restaurant will be long-term employees, with a deep knowledge of the restaurant, the food, the processes etc as a result and a vested interest in the long-term success of the business too.

Ok I’ve been a bit unfair - the low hand in air “wave” is fine, the beckoning or exaggerated wave is the annoying thing. And totally agree it shouldn’t be necessarily.

I feel like everyone agrees that good waiting staff should be able to either preempt needs or respond to the eye contact/looking Around for a staff member thing. If they ignore you, step it up.

I think you’re right - and also young staff members just absorb the culture of where they’re working to a certain extent. If the manager/proprietor greets customers with a smile, is attentive, generally exudes politeness and helps customers have a lovely visit - it’s likely that newer staff members will learn from this even if not formally “trained”.

Do you think the reserved personality of the British is making the issue worse? In comparison, the French, Italians, Spanish and South Americans, in Northern Europe seem to move around quickly, keeping everything running like clockwork. I'm not talking about rushed service.
For instance, a table is shown to a customer, they exchange small talk and then move on. The servers have multiple tables to attend to, both inside and outside, in a similar manner.

Sometimes in the UK, you feel like you've done something wrong just booking a table.😂

Ah to live in a world where catching the eye of wait staff after waiting 5 minutes for them to vaguely look in your direction was all it took to get some service. I usually do that for ages, get fed up and raise my hand in a non waving fashion. Service has gone through the floor in so many places since COVID.

I think doing something to catch attention fine. Not clicking, shouting or being rude to them.

Yes, getting up and going to the bar is my nuclear option and is me saying your service is awful I can wait no longer. If I’m needing them to come over it’s usually because I want them to do something they should have done already so cutlery , a dessert menu being promised and not forthcoming. The bill is always a catch/eye and the universal signal for the bill of pretending to sign!

Agree, there’s a pub/restaurant in a village near me. Young waiting staff, always excellent. It must be decent training /modelling by other staff

This is so true. I always try for eye contact first, and mostly it works. It's when eye contact has been ignored for ages that I'll progress to lifting my hand a little or saying "Excuse me," to a passing waiter/waitress.

And by that point I'm quite peeved, because they've just been ignoring me. (I honestly think most random people would notice repeated, prolonged eye contact from someone in the same room, never mind a person whose job it is to pay attention to things like that.)