What would you think/say if you ILs kept saying this?

[Luckymeeeee]

Every time my in laws visit my fil likes to tell me how lucky I am to have dh.

You're lucky dh can cook, you're lucky dh can do DIY, you're lucky dh is a good dad, you're lucky dh doesn't get drunk each weekend, you're lucky dh earns good money (I have a good job too), you're lucky dh is so big and strong and good looking.

Usually followed up by how shit sister in laws dh is (he's not that bad) and how sil (dh's sister) would love to have someone like dh around.

What am I supposed to say? Of course I love dh but do I need to hear this every 5 minutes?

I'd reply on how lucky dh was to have me. And how lucky fil was to be allowed to part of my life. I wouldn't let someone flag someone else off in my presence

I would also reel of s list of reasons DH is lucky to have me . Followed by saying that as we were therefore equally lucky to have each other, perhaps he could now stop going on about it in such a tedious fashion.

My PiL tried this with me. I would always agree with them enthusiastically, and then rather childishly point out why DH is equally as lucky to have me, but always something a little bit ridiculous, like 'because I make a delicious boiled egg'.
They stopped after a while!

"Yeah, so you've said" then change the subject!

Channel your inner Magenta

Say - ''You do know dh is not your biological child?'' -
then take photo of his face immediately.
Bring it out every time he starts again - if he ever does!

My PIL are the other way around and always saying how lucky DH is to have me! I think they are just being nice.

How annoying though and what a depressing view of men. I would try reverse tatics and agree very enthusiastically. "Gosh it's so amazing to have a man who cooks. No other men ever manage that".

My pil are so traditional but if I put up some shelves or dh and I did a house project together they will tell dh what a wonderful job HE has done. When I point out that we both did it they will sort of wave it off with raised brows "oohhh is that right".

Lots of comments about me spending dhs money, asking me what I'm cooking dh for tea. Mil looks disgusted if I say it's husbands turn to cook.

I think their traditional expectations would get irritating - assuming he has done the DIY etc

But so what if they think he's great and talk so warmly and positively about him?

I think it's your parents' job to do that for you and it's a shame if they don't. But it's not a race to the bottom - they love their son and think he's great, as they should.

I reckon it is nothing to do with you. I think he feels bad that his DD has chosen a less supportive/helpful partner (perhaps your SIL has disclosed something to him). He probably sees your DH being the type of person he wishes his DD was married to as well. We all want what is best for our DC afterall. My guess is that something about his DD's situation is playing on his mind and that is why he keeps bringing it up.

YABU for not answering back.

You're lucky dh can cook,
Everyone should be able to cook

you're lucky dh can do DIY,
He's lucky I enable him to do the DIY

you're lucky dh is a good dad,
He's lucky I'm a good wife

you're lucky dh doesn't get drunk each weekend,
He's lucky I don't get drunk every weekend

you're lucky dh earns good money (I have a good job too),
He's lucky I earn so well

you're lucky dh is so big and strong and good looking.
He's lucky I'm so lovely

sil (dh's sister) would love to have someone like dh around.
Thankfully she's just his sister

Let it wash over you and become a broken record. Treat it as though they are children looking for attention. "Yes, DH is AMAZING, you did SUCH A GOOD JOB raising him. WELL DONE!" Every time. See if they get bored of it.

You can have more fun with the SIL stuff. "Yes, I've always thought the ban on incest is the height of nanny state interference. Sisters often can't find anyone as good as their brothers when they're picking a husband."

Maybe you're right. From what I know sils husband is fine and a nice guy

Fil does seem quite down on him though and is always comparing.

You should say it's just as well DH can cook or you wouldn't be invited over!

That's very irritating. I'll bet they look at your house decor or kids (if you have them) and say she did a great job with them, isn't he lucky.

OP I lived in a country where this was the prevaling attitude
Your dh looks after the kids/cooks and meal/ fixes the house. You are so lucky to have such a wonderful man.

By implication, and quite often said out loud, I was a less than perfetc wife because I needed a dh who looked after the kids/cooked a meal etc.

It got very tiring very quickly.
I used to reply that im my culture a man was not considered a man unless he knew how to look afetr his family like this. It was a bit below the belt at their culture, but it did make people shut up.

And after a while, they saw that we were a good team and they wanted a relationship like that too.

None of which helps you with your IL.

I think I would address it head on.
Yes I am lucky to have dh.
But in this day and age we expect both adults in the house to be able to pull their weight. Both of us can look after the kids. Both of us can cook. Both of us can clean the loo.
I am so glad that things are not like when you were younger and men and women had such rigid roles.
I would not have chosen a man who was not able to pull his weight in our relationship, and dhwould not have chosen a woman who was stuck in the 1950s

so basically shut up

I'd just respond with 'It works both ways', and then move on.

If they hadn’t said about your sips’ husband I’d say they were awful but I’d say they just see the two of you together and are relieved that one of their children is doing ok but yes I’d probably want them to stop saying it!!

Just say yes he's fantastic and no one could expect their DH to live up to him.

Just laugh and say "I know, the bar is so low for men isn't it, no one thinks I'm a hero when I cook a dinner/play with the DC etc".

I’d do this. They may not realise how annoying this is, eg my relative who’s autistic always used to tell me I was so lucky to have friends 😆 Didn’t quite realise the implication (especially when repeated as nauseam) is kind of that I don’t deserve friends?! Alternatively they may be trying to keep you in your place ie grateful to your paragon DH 🙄. I think the boiled egg approach above, or the “well I like him/didn’t you do well” approach mentioned by PP would be fine. Likely it’s just a habit and they don’t realise how often they’re doing it.

Personally I’d be tempted to get out the bingo card when they come over but in reality most of us want to stay on good terms with our in laws!

“Ah, he’s alright, I suppose”
or
“why? Did you not [fill in the blank]?” with disapproving look “you were very lucky mil put up with that”

I’d be curious if it’s actually a veiled commentary on changing standards, I’d leave my dh, or just not have married him, if he carried on like my fil in some of mil’s stories.

“We’re both lucky”. Every single time. They’ll get tired of it eventually.

Repeat it all back to him, with yourself in his place: 'He's lucky I don't get drunk every weekend. He's lucky I'm a good mum. He's lucky I earn a lot. He's lucky I am a good cook.'

My ILs are also v critical of the poor man who married their daughter. And keen to tell me how wonderful their 2 sons are.

Even DH thinks it's batshit as BIL was an excellent and supportive partner, an effective SAHP who ended up running the local toddler group, and has now gone back to work and is making good money.

Compared to DH and his brother who have gone from one crisis to another.

I think it is just a proud parent thing, assuming their offspring are perfect but it does get tedious.

I shut the 'you are lucky to have DH' shit down by inviting my DM and MIL out together. DM gave as good as she got and MIL has never dared try again.

I feel your pain, as I used to get this from all directions. These days I always respond with a simple “we’re lucky to have each other, actually” and I’ve spoken to DH in private about passively taking credit for my hard work (decorating etc).