What would you think/say if you ILs kept saying this?

[Luckymeeeee]

Every time my in laws visit my fil likes to tell me how lucky I am to have dh.

You're lucky dh can cook, you're lucky dh can do DIY, you're lucky dh is a good dad, you're lucky dh doesn't get drunk each weekend, you're lucky dh earns good money (I have a good job too), you're lucky dh is so big and strong and good looking.

Usually followed up by how shit sister in laws dh is (he's not that bad) and how sil (dh's sister) would love to have someone like dh around.

What am I supposed to say? Of course I love dh but do I need to hear this every 5 minutes?

DH was v good at countering shit like 'DH has such as a responsible job' with 'No I don't mum, I'm literally responsible for nothing, AnnaMagnani has a responsible job'

So your DH needs to step up too rather than basking in glory.

'It's not luck, I wouldn't have married him if he wasn't a functioning adult.'

You could reply with
« I know!!! Most men are real useless pieces of work, aren’t they? » while looking at your MIL with a knowing smile.

I wonder if FIL tells BIL how lucky he is to have SIL for a wife? I bet he says things like ‘I bet DH would like a wife more like SIL - do you know Luckymeeee makes him cook?! Isn’t SIL great that she does the cooking & looks after the kids/house/cat!!’

I feel your pain OP. I get similar from my very traditional MIL and SIL. I like them, so I just nod, smile and change the subject.

What I actually think to myself is: Yes DH can cook, clean, do DIY and hold a job down because those are basic skills needed in adult life and a bloody good thing too since he's almost 40!

And I'm not "lucky". I wouldn't have married any of the idiots I met before him who got drunk every weekend (though I've never known a man my age who can't cook or clean. It's not a superpower!)

Tbf it probably is a miracle he turned out that way though after being pampered all his life by PIL. So maybe they're just surprised.

@WitcheryDivine They may not realise how annoying this is, eg my relative who’s autistic always used to tell me I was so lucky to have friends 😆 Didn’t quite realise the implication (especially when repeated as nauseam) is kind of that I don’t deserve friends?!

Many people with autism find it hard to make or keep friends. Your relative might simply be saying that they'd love to have friends like you do?

'Well, FIL until those draconian laws on sibling marriage are overturned she'll have to stick with the man she loves and chose to marry.'

“Oh I know! To be honest, I only married him because I know you two have got pots of money and you’ve got to die eventually - but he’s actually turned out to be quite a nice bloke! So double win for me!”

🤮🤮🤮🤮

My ex MIL was like this. It's because they don't think you are good enough for him deep down.

"You're lucky I dont break your teeth" is the response I would use now.

Eh, I couldn't get too worked up about it. DM clearly thinks DP is lucky to have me even though I am definitely the lucky one. I like a PP's suggestion of sending in your own mum

In the beginning, I was thinking that they're annoying but just want to see their DS getting praise. But then you said, Lots of comments about me spending dhs money, asking me what I'm cooking dh for tea. Mil looks disgusted if I say it's husbands turn to cook.

And basically, I think the reason you're annoyed is because they're not saying, "you're so lucky to have a DH who..." what they're really saying is "OP does not deserve a DH like this" or "Why does our DS have to do these chores that SHE should do" or "She's not much of a wife is she"

And THAT is irritating because it is a de facto negative judgement on you.

I would be responding with, "Surely a man who can do basic household tasks is the bare minimum any woman should want" or "We're both lucky. He's a great husband and I am a marvellous wife".

But mostly, I'd probalby be avoiding them.

My MIL once lovely watched her son, my DP, change a lightbulb and exclaimed how amazing he was round the house.
The house I had redecorated, furnished, paid for and kept clean.

Roll your eyes. Move on.

This is one of my favourite pass times when visiting pil. Whenever they mention how lucky I am that dh...changes a nappy, cooks a meal etc I exaggerate it... "oh yes dh don't forget we have friends round tomorrow and you have a 5 course meal to prepare.....oh dh don't worry il HELP you with the children on Saturday morning......dh baby needs her nappy changed luckily you know how to do it".
When they mentioned bil "helping" sil look after his own child, before I could even open my mouth dh said "well no you mean parenting". I think he also sees it and tries to teach them it's normal.
Mil will mention how I'm working a lot and it must be sooo hard on dh having to look after dc. So I agree in a sickly sweet voice..."oh yes mil it's such a shame I need to go to work to earn a living, poor dh".
I really get joy from it and it passes the time.

I would find this irritating OP. I agree with saying "Yes, I am lucky. He's lucky too!" every time.

DH and I enjoy playing bingo when we visit his parents. We each pick a phrase and get a point each time MIL or FIL says it. So when they come out with a comment, instead of feeling annoyed I'm thinking "Yes!!" (as long as it's the one I chose obviously!).

@Luckymeeeee

Yes i totally agree 👍 mother in law how lucky i am to have met your son,

I think 🤔 he is also lucky to have met me and married me too,

Just like you are lucky to have such a daughter in law like me too
or
similar to that effect ect...

It's tedious and irritating when PIL do this, mine did a bit and I would say 'Yes I am lucky and he is too!' Next time they start, you could just say 'Yes, so you keep telling me...!' and roll your eyes 😂

And that's why I chose to build a life with him.

Over and over.

Though I would snap over being told I was spending my husband's money.

It is absolutely worth checking out with the other 'married ins' if PILs do this with all of them.

When I checked in with my SIL and BIL we discovered they were exactly the same with all of us, and we'd all been taking it personally.

Somehow the realisation that it didn't matter what our personalities were, PILs just picked anyway made it all a lot more bearable.

Firstly, my ILs would never say that. But if they did, I would roll my eyes and tell them how lucky DH is to have me. And maybe point out that some of FIL's expectations demonstrate a very low bar (not getting drunk every weekend, for example).

Turn it into a push up challenge, or similar.

Every time FIL starts talking about how lucky you are, call your DH over and say "that's two press ups we have to do", get on the floor and do two push ups.

When they inevitably ask what is going on, say you have a new fitness regime and that every time they tell you how lucky you are to have DH that you have to do two press ups, you figure that you'll both be so super fit by the end of the year as it happens so often.

Then simply do two press ups every time they start. You don't need to say or do anything else, agree with them or disagree with them. If you're in a park or car park etc all the better, just go for the two press ups and I bet they'll stop.

If they don't, you'll get fitter, win-win.

They're proud of him. DP and I are very complimentary of eachother to family though and we get equal amounts of how great we are for eachother from family.

Do you feel like they're trying to say you're not good enough?

I’d say “He can’t be that amazing if he’s had to settle for me”

I got exactly this, and as pp said the “well yeah, or I wouldn’t have married him - I have v high standards” was quite effective. Also used the “yes, my parents always say how lucky dh is to have me too. I expect I’ll feel the same about dc’s partner”

I'd be pretty humourless about this with them. I'd point out every fucking time it's not lucky to have a partner who does their fair share of parenting etc and it should be the default.

I certainly wouldn't be replying with pass agg comments about how lucky he is.

This attitude needs stamping out.