Sounds like an autism assessment might be useful. It was only when I watched my own DC struggle socially and filled in the questionnaire for them - it made sense to me as I could tick every single box. Up until then I had an inkling I wasn’t ‘normal’ now I’m beginning to understand that I’m normal for me.
Autism in girls presents very differently to autism in boys. The masking at work and social problems is both myself and my DC.
Things that help me:
Become more connected not less eg church, community hub etc I explained to the leaders of the nice liberal church I go to that myself is not diagnosed by that I’m probably autistic and awaiting an assessment and the DC are already diagnosed. I do explain this to people once I get to know them. So if I appear a little socially awkward it’s because I am- I come from a trauma background so I’m hypersensitive too.
counselling didn’t help me massively
exercise and mindfulness and podcasts do as does my dog - he gets me.
a common goal with others eg scouts or community garden, steam trains whatever you like and can cope with
lots of positive affirmations eg this is me I worthy
accepting socially, most people can be good but they are also very difficult - completely unpredictable. You say hi and make an effort with eye contact etc - they look up and grump oh hello it’s you / right here is this document - have a good day. Everyone is focussed on themselves / doing their best, controlling their emotions etc and this hyper focus on me means most people really only think about themselves.
Reading and podcasts - I consider these friend too.
When I’m alone I have my best friend me - I’ve only recently changed my mindset - so far it’s working. Every time I catch myself a bit lonely I go - but your fab really Liz come on let’s go and take the dog for a walk