To think life will never make sense to me.

[Confusedandexhaustedbylife]

Long term poster but name changed for this.
I want to keep this short but basically am I alone in finding life just too complicated? I am an intelligent woman working in a professional career yet I constantly feel like there is some huge aspects to life (particularly interpersonal relationships) that I just don't understand. I watch life from the sidelines but am never properly involved. I struggle to maintain friendships because I just don't understand people and the nuances of maintaining friendships. From being a teenager I've had a series of unhealthy, temporary friendships and when I look back, any that had the potential to be good have gone astray somehow 🤷 I am a kind person and always try to do considerate things but I'm obviously going wrong somewhere. I clearly mess things up but never on purpose. I don't feel like I add any value to the world and life is just going to keep baffling and exhausting me. 😔

Teacher is wrong. You're advice was spot on.
In my dd's school these deliberate put downs would never be attributed to mere personality and therefore 'just' a clash. The offending boy would have had his behaviour found wanting and your DD found to have stuck up for herself very effectively by waking the line between not accepting his crap and not retaliating, but just refusing to accept his words as fact. The school my DD is in would have applauded her and told her she'd handled it very well.

Think sadly you've got a biased/emotionally illiterate teacher there. 😢

I feel for your DD because she's been given a very memorable but entirely incorrect lesson - and that's on the teacher not you! 😢

What you will find OP is that men are more accepting of autistic males than women are accepting of autistic females. Male friendships are based around activities and interests, it’s easier for a male with autism to join in and be accepted. Female friendships are based around socialising, they will ruthlessly exclude autistic females because they can’t keep up. So it may be that you and your husband both have similar difficulties but he’s accepted by his peers much more than you are.

Re. whether you are autistic or not - have a look at this list which applies specifically to females with autism.

https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/

Sounds like you have autism, OP. It's not a death sentence and there are communities for people who have the same issue.

I would take this to the headteacher or whatever.

Mine was also put next to the mean boy and the boy who kept saying stuff eg his grandmother burnt to death, she was told to sit and ignore him and tried she really tried to follow what they wanted.

My complaint to first the teacher and then the head was why her? Why her? Because she masks and then gets home and is upset. My second argument was you sit on the same table then and every time he bullies another child you follow it up and record it. No, ok I’m going to ask my DC to write down every single mean thing he says and then at the end of each day you can talk me through it? Or is just because she isn’t being punched ok? If he just threatens to punch her a hundred times that’s just words isn’t it!? How many parents would you tolerate telling you that you are rubbish etc

m it took two complaints but then she was moved

Just wanted to say that I agree, you were right OP and the teacher was entirely wrong.

I was wondering if it's easier for neurodivergent people to find friends within their own community?

Or is it hard to find other autistic people in a practical sense, ie if people don't share their diagnoses or it might feel awkward to attend a more organised group?

My experience is that organised groups are for autistic people with an intellectual disability. Not for autistic people with normal intelligence. I’m a mum with postgraduate qualifications, so it’s not appropriate for me to attend a group for people who are non verbal and accompanied by carers etc. There aren’t any groups for people like me.