To leave a good marriage to potentially adopt

[WhatCouodveBeen]

I’ve name changed as I know family are on here. I’m mostly a lurker who occasionally replies but have been around a long time.

I have always loved children and wanted them, but due to a medical issue, cannot naturally have a child. I was very open about this and my desire to potentially adopt in future, something he said he wanted to.

Unfortunately, a while after we had married DH told me he didn’t actually want children, that he never really had but had just gone along with it for my sake but he had realised he couldn’t continue the lie.

I felt deeply hurt, angry and betrayed. I can’t truthfully say that I wouldn’t of entered the relationship or married if I’d been told the truth
because I honestly don’t know if I would have, but what I do know is I would’ve made a much more informed decision

Our marriage and relationship is generally good
hes kind
lovivg
Supportive of other things I want
We have a good life and I am mostly happy

I have a fantastic relationship with my nieces and nephews and work with chikdren

but the desire to be a parent hasn’t dimmed and if anything it’s getting stronger

I am aware that there are no guarantees that I or DH would be approved to adopt anyway
and I feel I’d have much less change as a single person because I have a much smaller support network

But there are times when I am consumed by the thought of leaving DH with a view to applying to adopt as a single person

AIBU to consider doing this?
has anyone else either stayed and resigned themselves to no children, or left because the desire was too strong?

Two years after we married my dh was diagnosed with cancer and had to have chemo which left him infertile. We hadn't made any definite plans about kids, I always just assumed we'd have them one day but we'd never really talked about it (crazy I know) we probably thought we had all the time in the world, but it suddenly made me realise how much I wanted them. When dh was eventually well again, I told him that I had a desperate need to become a mother (it was almost a physical ache) and that I wanted to start the adoption process. He didn't really say much (he is a man of few words) but I laid my cards on the table and told him that if he didn't want to adopt, then the marriage was over and I'd do it alone. He then made it clear that he wanted that too and we eventually adopted a 4 year old. The process wasn't easy, you really have to want to do it and it proved to me that my dh genuinely did. Raising dc has been hard at times and Iooking back now I think I would have struggled alone. I think dh would have remained childless if I hadn't pushed for adoption but he didn't want to lose me and he adores dc.

With respect @RoseMartha for lots of adopters it IS akin to parenting a birth child.
I'm not disputing your own experience, however your post is awful in it's tone. The way you've spoken in generalised terms about adopted people as a group is discriminatory and unacceptable.

In answer to your question, I would have left him but knowing what I now know about adoption, I think I would have struggled to adopt alone. I was just lucky he accepted the idea.