Friend pressurising me to rent a car

[norfolkgirl88]

I used to date a guy and now we are just friends. I am disabled and need a fair bit of help. For the last 2 years the two of us rented a car every so often when it was cheap to get about. From last autumn, his daughter came in with us to rent the car so we were paying thirds. After christmas, I assessed my finances and have depleted my savings quite a bit so decided this year I would cut back on lots of things, the car being one of them. Friend keeps going on about having a car again even though I have explained my financial position. He tries to guilt trip me by saying he does lots of things to help me even though he gets carer's allowance and my money went down. He now hardly helps me with anything, popping round a couple of times a week. I am struggling but the cost of a private carer is too much. Friend said if we revert back to having the car often, he will help me again. I feel like I have to have the car now just to get out of the house and medical appointments. I feel trapped in this situation.

YABU to say he hardly does anything. Do you pay him? He's not obligated to help you at all so popping round twice a week is very generous for an ex, even if he does more with the car it's all very generous.

While he is wrong for trying to guilt trip you, you are perfectly find to say no thanks to the car but you shouldn't expect anything from him.

Does he get carers allowance for looking after you?

Is he getting carers allowance for you?

He is absolutely obligated to help her if he’s getting carers allowance. To get that you need to be providing over 35 hours care to the disabled person a week.

OP do you get mobility payments? Surely it’s cheaper to get a hire purchase? Or a lease?

Sorry why is he getting a carer allowance for you? Is he a carer for you?
Helping from.time to time is not caring

Also renting a car is your decision and if he was expecting this from caring for you. That's awful

Ditch him. He's not your friend

@Mummame2222 I didn't interpret it as carers allowance for her but that would change everything

I've already explained he gets carers allowance for helping me, he gets paid to do it!

'He tries to guilt trip me by saying he does lots of things to help me even though he gets carer's allowance and my money went down'

Sounds linked?

Yes, i've stated that in my question.

Then you tell the dwp he's not your carer anymore. He's abusing you and the system, I'm really sorry, that's an awful way to treat you

Carers allowance is only for 35 hours a week care I thought? He is being awful to you. I’m sorry.

He is getting carers allowance and did help a lot but since not having a car this year he stopped most of it.

hes blackmailing you to be your carer? Wtf(

Also, have you checked voluntary services in your area for medical appointments - or medical transport?

Call the benefits people and tell them he has stopped helping you and they must cancel the carer’s allowance.

He is taking advantage of you.

In your haste to put the OP down and be contrary, you've told a vulnerable woman that the man taking financial advantage of her and depriving her of help she needs is in the right.

Well done, I hope the status of getting the first reply was worth it.

This is abusive behaviour from him OP.

Do you have a social worker? Talk to them or the GP, there are variety of charities and Hospt support services that can drive you to medical appointments and for other local appts it would be cheaper to get a taxi than rent a car?

I think you need to have him removed as your carer, abusive relationships tend to get worse.

Consider stopping the arrangement with this person.
Can someone else have the carer's allowance and assist you?
You should not be coerced into anything or be put under pressure.
If you rent a car it is for your use/ to benefit you.
If someone receives carers allowance to care for you that is what they should do - you are not required to provide them with transportation to do so.

He's a blackmailer. What a scumbag. Imagine taking money from a disabled woman like that?

Personally I would grass him up to the DWP, because he's being given money to be your carer, but he's not being your carer. Is there an option for you to have a personal budget and hire a carer / PA?

As others have said, he is not acting as a carer and should not be receiving carer's allowance. This is abuse. Call DWP straight away and tell them he has stopped providing care to you, then find actual help/services.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Please please please do not let him continue to take advantage of you

He is committing fraud - claiming money to which he is not entitled. Carers allowance is for someone who is pretty much a full time carer for someone, at least 35 hours a week, usually much more. You could also potentially be accused of fraud as you have not reported to DWP that he is no longer your carer.
If you need carers but unable to pay, you can ask social care to do an assessment of your needs and they will provide carers as appropriate

How many hours a week is he actually caring for you?

This is really concerning.

Personally I would amend your claim and remove him as your carer.

the extra you get back from removing him could go to potentially getting the occasional taxi or if available using a service for vulnerable/disabled persons transport. Obviously I don’t know your circumstances and am not asking as it’s nothing to do with me so ignore this if it’s not viable.

I understand he may think he needs a car to take you place's/appointments and feels unable or unwilling to help without access to one but the end result is he can’t of won’t be your carer without one therefore he shouldn’t be being paid to be one.

Yes... Was it 35 when he was at his best or has it always been less and on his terms?

Hi OP I was the first post on this thread and I misunderstood that he was YOUR carer as he wasn't caring for you! YADNBU.