Friend pressurising me to rent a car

[norfolkgirl88]

I used to date a guy and now we are just friends. I am disabled and need a fair bit of help. For the last 2 years the two of us rented a car every so often when it was cheap to get about. From last autumn, his daughter came in with us to rent the car so we were paying thirds. After christmas, I assessed my finances and have depleted my savings quite a bit so decided this year I would cut back on lots of things, the car being one of them. Friend keeps going on about having a car again even though I have explained my financial position. He tries to guilt trip me by saying he does lots of things to help me even though he gets carer's allowance and my money went down. He now hardly helps me with anything, popping round a couple of times a week. I am struggling but the cost of a private carer is too much. Friend said if we revert back to having the car often, he will help me again. I feel like I have to have the car now just to get out of the house and medical appointments. I feel trapped in this situation.

I will do that, thank you.

Thank you. I will and be financially better off.

It wasn’t clear from your first post that he was claiming carers allowance for you.

Cancel the whole arrangement.

I am going to look into this, thank you.

He’s abusing you! Call DWP! He sounds disgusting.

Blackmailing someone who can't afford something and withholding the care he is being paid to give you until you agree is abuse. He needs reporting and you need to get rid of him.
So many things can be done online and delivered. There will be somewhere locally that can offer support for other things. You may be entitled to free hospital transport.

The onus is not on the op to let dwp know that he isn't caring anymore. She isn't the one claiming carers allowance

@Flopsythebunny sure but as he’s claiming carers allowance OP has had her benefits reduced (severe disability premium) so not only is she not getting care she’s also not receiving the extra help for being a disabled person not having a carer.

OP make sure to advise the DWP of this and please please distance yourself from this person they are not a friend xx

If he's not providing 35 hours a week care, he shouldn't be claiming carer's allowance. You need to put a stop to that as it's fraudulent. He doesn't sound like a good friend OP and he shouldn't be blackmailing you to rent a car which presumably he will get more use out of than you. It sounds like he is taking advantage of you. Do you have any family who can help you deal with this? Or a social worker?

Off topic but if you get pip you can possibly lease a car from motabilty using some of the pip. Agree with others that this guy is not your carer.

He's no friend and no carer so I'd end both relationships and cut him off from the carers allowance

Is carers allowance supposed to cover 35 hours per week? £76 per week - 2 pounds an hour?

Yep 😩 and most parents of severely disabled children or adult children do considerably more than 35 hours a week!

That's what I was going to say re the pitiful amount of carers allowance. Absolutely he shouldn't get it as he's not OP's carer and popping in twice a week doesn't cut it, so she should tell dwp to cancel his payments. However the allowance relies on someone like a parent or partner doing that 35hours a week for a token amount. It's not the kind of thing that an ex/friend can get and be expected to do 35 hours of care. V few friends would do that. So I'd set the carer issue aside from the car issue and not muddy the two of them up.

As for the car, if you can't afford it, that's how it is. You can't magic money that doesn't exist no matter what he wants.

I receive enhanced rates of PIP so I understand carers allowance
Inform DWP he is no longer your carer as soon as you manage to get through(!)
Your payment will then be reinstated
You then need to think about what you need He is manipulating under the disguise of " helping you because he still cares"
No, I'm afraid he's taking advantage of
You could use the reinstated pip to pay for taxis/ cleaners or a PA if you need more ongoing support
Request an Occupational Therapy assessment too, as they can supply aids for daily living and even a wet room!( I have one
Do you have other support around you?

“he gets carer's allowance and my money went down. “

Woah - stop this immediately. You need that money back. He’s taking advantage of you.

I really hope you can get this sorted. I am so sorry that this person is abusing you financially and blackmailing you, that is not what friends, or carers do.

Good luck.

You do realize that what he is doing is a form of extortion?

Call whomever you need to call and get him removed as a carer, since he isn't doing the job, he is cheating and stealing from the system.

Get a new carer who actually cares about you and not what they can get from you.

I’m so sorry to read this OP (and the bonkers first response on here!!)

You are being terribly abused by this man.

This is criminal behaviour and this absolute scumbag should be reported to the police.

He is committing benefit fraud but much worse, he is blackmailing and extorting you, a vulnerable person, to get the benefit money.

I think this is going to be a really difficult thing for you to do, but I wonder if there is a charity you can get support from? You need to cut contact with this man. He is behaving so horribly towards you that I wonder about the relationship in the first place. 💐

He’s told you he will help you more if you rent the car. He is blackmailing you.

he isn’t your friends.

report him to the relevant place and get his careers allowance stoped and end the friendship. He isn’t your friend and isn’t helping you.

FYI
Someone can claim carers allowance
They don't need to live with the person that they care for
The person that they care for, must receive certain benefits
The carer can work, but needs to earn under a certain amount per week.

OP
You can complain to DWP & advise that you are not receiving enough care from your carer.

Is there a car share scheme in your area that you can use, for only the times that you need ?
Or taxis
Or volunteers in your area that take local people to appointments, shopping etc

https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance-unit

He sounds like as
Much as he was a friend, now he's only interested in the money (over £300 a month) and the car.

He can either use the carers for the car and keep helping you (35 hours per week, some of that doesn't actually need to be with you)

Or

You inform DWP and cancel the carers

To be honest, you're vulnerable and he's taking advantage, I think you should cancel carers and cut ties. Contact SS for an assessment and to see what help they can offer.

This friendship is over.

She's being unreasonable?? He gets carers allowance. You need to be providing at least 35 hours of care a week to get that.