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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help! I think I'm being PFBish. I know MN will kick my arsch if I am.

74 replies

LillyThePink · 28/03/2008 09:22

My friend has scheduled her son's christening on PFB's birthday.

We live in a very small community and have all the same friends. A group of us all have DCs of similar age, and we always tend to do something for the kids' birthdays.

PFB's birthday falls on a saturday this year and I was planning to have everyone round. At first she mentioned it a bit appologetically and said that she was having the christening on PFB's birthday but it wouldn't affect us as they weren't going to have a party, just godparents to the church. Then she said maybe we could combine somehow. Now she's just invited everyone to a big christening party.

I KNOW. Christenings are important to the religious. And it's only a toddler's birthday. I know... but in my heart of hearts I can't help feeling a bit put out.

Last weekend we all went to a lovely big birthday party to celebrate her older son's birthday.

I know she didn't do it to be mean. I'm being PFBish, aren't I. I want MY child to have a turn of being the centre of attention on his birthday, and I want a turn being told what a lovely party I've thrown and what a great cook I am and how much everyone's enjoying themselves.

OP posts:

marina · 28/03/2008 09:24

YABU, but only a little bit, I'd feel miffed too.
Is it too late to switch PFB's party to the Sunday?

cornsilk · 28/03/2008 09:24

Actually I think she is being a bit mean - she can change the date of the christening, you can't change the date of your child's birthday!

ArcticRoll · 28/03/2008 09:24

Why don't you organise your child's party for the Sunday?

tortoiseSHELL · 28/03/2008 09:24

Have a family day on his birthday, go somewhere like a farm park or a train museum. Then have his party on the Sunday. Remember when he goes to school, 5 times out of 7 his party won't be on his birthday anyway! And that way he gets TWO treats!

tortoiseSHELL · 28/03/2008 09:25

I was very fed up when on ds2's 1st birthday he had an appointment at the local eye hospital, so we spent the whole of the afternoon of his birthday waiting to be seen....3 hours it took....!

marina · 28/03/2008 09:25

Weeeell, it might be to do with what the vicar has offered, or availability of godparents, cornsilk...but yes, christenings should be more flexible than birthdays

posieflump · 28/03/2008 09:26

Which birthday will it nbe or your little one?
I wouldn't go to the christening and instead just do smething small and family orientated. Have a party for the grandparents or any cousins?

tortoiseSHELL · 28/03/2008 09:27

That does depend on the godparents ime - for ds1 it was REALLY hard to find a date when one godparent could come from France, another was on a free weekend (doctor), the church was available....

lollipopmother · 28/03/2008 09:27

How old is your child?

DANCESwithaMuffinTop · 28/03/2008 09:27

I second the party on the sunday idea. One of my friend's husband was away on business on their son's 3rd birthday so they didn't tell him that was his birthday and just celebrated it the next day when her dh was back, her ds was none the wiser!

berolina · 28/03/2008 09:29

I have been exceptonally mean and scheduled ds2's baptism on ds1's birthday

Different situarion I know (ds1 will have all his family/friends around him to make a fuss of him and ds2 won't have a clue what's going on anyway). You are BU and NBU, I think. I'd move his party to the Sunday or indeed the following week.

marina · 28/03/2008 09:29

torty, if you can't get to the church for 12pm on a Sunday (or are willing to muck in with the proletariat actual congregation in morning service, earlier) your baby doesn't get dunked at ours! Our vicar combines Stalinist timetabling with a fantastic approach to the service...so she gets her way

mangolassi · 28/03/2008 09:31

How about an early birthday the Saturday before? That way you don't have party overload (and of course yours was first so will get all the compliments you want). Then have a special, private extra cake after the christening or something for PFBs 'real' birthday

lollipopmother · 28/03/2008 09:33

A party is a party, I don't think anyone really cares what day it's on do they? I only had one party in my childhood, and even that didn't scar me, having a party the next day would've been bliss!

PortAndLemon · 28/03/2008 09:33

Party on the Sunday, doesn't sound like an issue.

We had a naming ceremony rather than a christening, but it was on literally the only day all year that all the godparents could make. No way the date could have been changed.

dizzydixies · 28/03/2008 09:36

surely christenings are on a Sunday no? they generally are up here?

princessmel · 28/03/2008 09:39

I don't think yabu to be a little miffed.

I felt a bit like this. My friend is getting married on dd's 3rd birthday. And I'm bridesmaid so wont see dd for much of the day. And I won't be able to put her to bed on her birthday. That upsets me.
Dd, ds and dh are coming and after the ceremony we'll be together but we wont be doing birthday things for her.
And I'm staying late, well till the end, so my parents will collect the dc and take them to bed. That upsets me too.

I was annoyed as I thought she could have chosen any ohter weekend. There's no special reason for picking that date. And when she mentioned the possible dats I did remind her about dd and said please don't pick that day. Nobody else got what I was upset about.

I'm doing her party on the sunday. with a hangover!

Cappuccino · 28/03/2008 09:42

YABU

your PFB won't know to the exact day what their birthday is

you're not being PFBish, not to my mind, with that last sentence. It's not about the child, is it, it's about YOU

Twiglett · 28/03/2008 09:44

a toddler won't know

yes you're being PFB-ish

Have his party the next day

here

Bouncingturtle · 28/03/2008 09:47

Princessmel - that's a bit mean of your friend.
i moved the date of my wedding for my aunt and uncle as they would've been coming back from hols on the original date and they really wanted to come. No big deal as far as I was concerned.
Lily - you probably are being a bit U but I'd probably feel the same way about my pfb!

perpetualworrier · 28/03/2008 09:52

I'm going to be away with work for my son's 5th birthday I worried a lot about whether I should go, but his party is on the previous Sunday anyway, so we have decided to pretend that is his birthday - even at 5 he won't know or care - but he is DS2

If your boy's birthday was a Tues, you'd still have had his party at the weekend wouldn't you?

princessmel · 28/03/2008 09:52

Thats what I thought bouncing turtle. She doesn't have dc and I don't think she gets yet why I'm wanting to put her to bed on her birthday. Plus how am I going to tell dd that I'm going out on her bday.

We have thought about not mentioning that its her birthday that day but I'll be at home till mid morning.
But my 2 wake early so they'll have plenty of present opening time before I go. and I'll get her a lovely dress and shoes to wear.

We'll make the best of it.

Twiglett · 28/03/2008 09:54

streuth

do people really spend the entire day in 'celebrating birthday mode'

you get up kids get presents you get on with the day .. if they have a party that day then that's something to organise, again kid isn't getting special attention

instead on this day you'll get up, get presents, go to a lovely christening and a party that someone else is laying on and it sounds like all your friends will be there

the next day you'll have her party, if you want

I really don't get this .. Birthdays are simply not that important really are they?

princessmel · 28/03/2008 10:00

Well thats what we're going to do twig. Get up, do presents etc. Then I'll go out and they'll meet me at wedding. Lots of her friends (children and adults) will be there.

Its just a bit odd to me, not putting her to bed and me going out on her birthday.
May not bother you but will me.

glaskham · 28/03/2008 10:00

aren't christenings normally on a sunday anyway?????.......

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