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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help! I think I'm being PFBish. I know MN will kick my arsch if I am.

74 replies

LillyThePink · 28/03/2008 09:22

My friend has scheduled her son's christening on PFB's birthday.

We live in a very small community and have all the same friends. A group of us all have DCs of similar age, and we always tend to do something for the kids' birthdays.

PFB's birthday falls on a saturday this year and I was planning to have everyone round. At first she mentioned it a bit appologetically and said that she was having the christening on PFB's birthday but it wouldn't affect us as they weren't going to have a party, just godparents to the church. Then she said maybe we could combine somehow. Now she's just invited everyone to a big christening party.

I KNOW. Christenings are important to the religious. And it's only a toddler's birthday. I know... but in my heart of hearts I can't help feeling a bit put out.

Last weekend we all went to a lovely big birthday party to celebrate her older son's birthday.

I know she didn't do it to be mean. I'm being PFBish, aren't I. I want MY child to have a turn of being the centre of attention on his birthday, and I want a turn being told what a lovely party I've thrown and what a great cook I am and how much everyone's enjoying themselves.

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 28/03/2008 10:01

you can't expect people to organise their entire wedding around a toddler's birthday

every day is bad for somebody

princessmel · 28/03/2008 10:03

No but I'm her bridesmaid. She knows its dd's birthday. And she had a few weekends to choose from.

I can't expect people to but I thought she should have chosen another day. hey ho.

dizzydixies · 28/03/2008 10:06

thank you glaskham - was my question further up be seems to have been glossed over
maybe its a scottish thing to actually have a child christened on the sabbath?

ash6605 · 28/03/2008 10:11

If it bothers you that much then why agree to be her bridesmaid?

To the OP,I don't think you are being unreasonable and I'd feel the same but to keep the peace I'd try to compromise.Have your DCs party the day after the christening but when you go to the christening make sure he/she(sorry don't think you stated sex of your dc) wears a badge saying 'birthday boy/girl' so they still feel it's their day.

Blandmum · 28/03/2008 10:13

somewhat unreasonable. Have the party on the next day, you fb will be one and doesn't know which day it is.

posieflump · 28/03/2008 10:14

MB I don't think we've ascertained how old thw op's PFB is have we?

Blandmum · 28/03/2008 10:15

Today is ds's birthady. I don't work on a Friday, and the kids are off school, which is nice. We had eggy bread for b'fast as a treat, and the kids are plying with the Wii.

We are going out for supper tonight, to ds's choice of resturant. Part will not be for 3 weeks because organising parties in the school holidays is an utter PITA.

As long as he gets a party , he doesn't care abut the day, and is 8 and knows that todays is his birthday

princessmel · 28/03/2008 10:15

It didn't make me not want to be bridesmaid. I've been friends with her for 22 years. I was just miffed as to why she'd pick that day. Plus I felt a bit sad that I wouldn't be able to be with dd and put her to bed etc on her birthday. Silly that may be to some people. Not to me.

Blandmum · 28/03/2008 10:16

Toddler, so first or second?

Either way that don't know the date, do they?

Cappuccino · 28/03/2008 10:16

can't dd go to the wedding?

princessmel · 28/03/2008 10:17

Totally agree that the party doesn't need to be on the actual day. But you are with Ds all day MB. Thats what's important to me.

I think the op will have a lovely family day with her baby then they can have the party next day.

Blandmum · 28/03/2008 10:18

It is quite unusual for us to manage the whole day with ds on his birthday. We tend to do better with dd has hers is in the Xmas holiday most years

posieflump · 28/03/2008 10:18

princessmel - maybe other people couldn't make the other dates though - parents etc, or maybe they couldn't get the DJ they wanted, venue etc etc
there could have been any number of reasons

My sister got married on the birthday of our eldest sister's child
My mum ordered him a birthday cake and the whole reception sang him Happy Birthday, he loved it!

princessmel · 28/03/2008 10:19

Capp, yes she's coming. But I need to go early and get ready at brides house. This is all lovel; and I'm excited about wedding. Just not about not being with dd. Or her wondering why I'm going out on her birthday, She's clingy and cries when I go out.
But then she'll be with me all day at wedding. Not at bedtime as my parents are coming to collect dc when they get tired. Its not the end of the world I know.

mumeeee · 28/03/2008 10:19

YABUI. Could you change your sons birthday party to the Sunday. He won't mind when he has his birthday.

princessmel · 28/03/2008 10:21

posieflump, I mentioned doing that to a few friends and they were appalled. they said that we couldn't take the special-ness away from the wedding couple.

I just thought when they give out the gifts for the ushers etc they could have one for dd. just to mention it.

posieflump · 28/03/2008 10:29

oh that is just mean!!

totalmisfit · 28/03/2008 10:30

what is PFB?

CountessDracula · 28/03/2008 10:31

Personally I think it is a bit much for them having party on actual day of britheday

Better to have it on anothe rday

Blandmum · 28/03/2008 10:31

Precious First Born

Its more of a description of an attitude of mind really.

To use my own case dd was a PFB because at 4 months I was mad enough to lie under the baby gym with her 'playing'

Second time around you tend to be a bit more 'grounded'

branflake81 · 28/03/2008 10:33

Princess Mel - I think you're being very unreasonable.

posieflump · 28/03/2008 10:34

lol at MB under the playgym

Blandmum · 28/03/2008 10:35

God, when I think of the problems that we had getting a day that the adults could all attend for my wedding, I think if I'd had to avoid children's birthdays as well, I#'d still be waiting to get married. And we had our 20th wedding anniversary last year.

Very OTT to expect people to tailor their weddings to birthdays.

PrimulaVeris · 28/03/2008 10:43

YABU I'm afraid. Christenings aren't always that flexible - most churches round here do them in batches - either on the Sunday morning service or a group event at a set time on Sat or Sun. On top of that, there's making sure godparents, grandparents and various other key guests can attend. Weddings and christenings are nightmares to organise and if it involved birthdays ... sorry I think I'd be like MB and start to see red.

I understand it's frustrating, but believe me a toddler won't know when their birthday is. I dont think my 2 understood the difference between a birthday and party day until about 6 or 7 quite honestly. And very often I had to work on their birthday (and of course, they now often have school on their birthdays ... )

tortoiseSHELL · 28/03/2008 11:18