To think is not too nosy?

[azureazure]

My dp thinks I’m very nosy. I think I’m inquisitive. If someone tells me something and it interests me, I will do some research on the topic later. Or if I meet someone who interests me, I’ll look them up later.

Most recent example he thought was strange is that we went on holiday and got talking to a couple. Knew first names only and the area they lived in. They mentioned they’d just sold their business and seemed like they had a LOT of money. They were also very vague about what the business was but said along the lines of “We sold carpets”.

So from that info I was able to spend about 20 mins tracking down who they were. Could see how much their business sold for and how much their house cost e t c

Does anyone else do this? I’m just interested in people. I can find out lots off little info and see it perhaps as a challenge for my detective skills.

Quite

Yeah I think this is odd and nosy.

Nothing wrong with curiosity: I google things which have piqued my curiosity all the time but things like local restaurants or the history of an area or “what happened to that actress?”

I might even look someone up on Facebook.

But I wouldn’t spend time googling to find out someone’s net worth.

Imagine your own life being so dull that you have to stalk Bob & Sue you had a fleeting conversation with on holiday.
You sound bloody deranged!

I have interesting things come up on google about me, you’d be surprised how many people can’t resist telling me they’ve googled me and know about my past (it’s nothing bad - just highly unusual)

I'm always shocked people admit it, especially dates!

It's not stalking, it's publicly available information!

Just because something is publicly available doesn’t mean it’s fair game to be used by stickybeaks to “research” people when they haven’t asked to be researched.

I live in a place full of nosey people. They will ask you stuff outfight that is none of their business and comment on things they know nothing about. It gets on my nerves yet if you don't engage, you're seen as a snob who thinks she's better than them.

I have a friend who's lived here 3 years - me 14. She already knows more people than I do. When I commented on this, she said "Oh I'm just nosey. I ask them all about themselves. She also immediately asks for people's phone numbers. I think they're so taken aback that they tell her.

To all the people getting het up about other people looking at publicly available information, why does it bother you so much, because in every case the people being looked up will never ever know( on the assumption that the looker is not going to tell them they've looked them up)?

No. I really don't care that much about people I don't know. I like to stay in my little bubble and don't want or need to know such things about other people.

I think its actually a little bit stalkerish and I'd be incredibly uncomfortable if someone told me they'd gone to such lengths to research me online.

Do you struggle with boundaries in other areas?

Just that lots of people do things that make no discernible different to their lives, all the time.

But OP's actions discernibly make a negative difference. She's intruding on others, it's not a pleasant or healthy way to behave.

Yes I think this goes beyond being nosy. Have you ever thought about why you have a need to go this far?

Yes I do this. It's amazing what you can find out about people with just a little bit of starter info. I don't tend to tell anyone though, I am embarrassed about it as I know that it is creepy and stalkerish 😳

But on the other hand, if the info is freely available ...

I think this goes beyond normal curiosity and borders on creepy to be honest! Maybe I'm odd but I'm just not that interested in stranger's businesses or how much money they've got! I don't have the headspace to be thinking about people I barely know 🤷‍♀️

Then don’t share it?

By definition it is.

I don't see a problem with this.
You're just looking for information that is readily available. It's not as if you were hacking into their bank account.

It's one of the reasons I avoid putting information about myself online. My FB page has no information about me ( including name). I have no linkedin account. I practice a sport under a slight different name so you won't find me in there even if you know I practice this sport etc.
Of course there are certain things I can't control. My name features on the webpage of where I work but I deliberately didn't add any further information to the webpage. I guess if you know where I live, you'll know how much paid for my house.

You wouldn’t google someone you were going on a date with?

If someone tells you something you find interesting I can see you looking up more information on it.

The example you give of investigating people you met on holiday to find out how they made their money makes you sound like a lunatic.

How do they make a negative difference?

The people put the info on line- the point of publishing information online is for people to see it- someone looking it up is exactly what they should be expecting to happen… in fact presumably they want people to look it up and see it otherwise why publish it publicly?

Same. I’m a pretty private person and I would find this so weird and intrusive even though I have nothing to hide. Maybe they were vague because it’s none of your business.

Do you not have other hobbies?

You obviously know it’s nosy and intrusive, or you wouldn’t be doing it in secret. You’d come right out and ask these people.

Stalker

I assumed everyone did this. I do it. My DH does it. My Mum would. When I moved in to my current house one of my good friends said ‘how have you afforded this? Have you been left an inheritance?’ I laughed and said ‘no, but we made about £190k on our last house’. She said ‘so how much was this house? I know that’s a rude question but I’ll only go home and look it all up anyway, so you may as well tell me!’ I laughed and told her, she’s right, everyone goes home and has a Google, your naive if you think they don’t.

I wouldn’t say nosy. Terrifying, perhaps

So don’t publish a load of stuff you don’t want people to know about yourself on the internet.

If you put it out there people will know about it, that is literally the point!