To think being happy with a modest home should the norm?

[DinDinDin]

Obv it depends on where you live and your income etc but pretty much every person I know either lives in a big house or is trying to trade up a modest home to try and upgrade for a bigger place. Some of these people can easily afford it whilst others are overstretching themselves to make it work. AIBU to think we are all (myself included) a bit too sucked into this upgrade mentality anf the fact that we always strive to have more stuff? I am facing the (very fortunate) dilemma of deciding whether to borrow the very maximum I can afford and stretch for a bigger home or choose a more modest option and aim to pay off the mortgage faster and be debt free sooner in life.
Do you notice the same attitude with people around you?

Depends on your priority. We’d rather have a modest house, live within our means, and have money for having fun, holidays etc. but if someone just wants a big house, that’s their decision. We tried to make it that we could afford all essentials on one income if we had to.

I was very nearly sucked into the 'bigger = more successful' a couple of years back. We have a 4 bed detached already with 2 DC but started confusing what we wanted with what we needed. Offered on a few bigger places which would have added about £100-150k to the mortgage. Affordable on our salaries though. Thankfully in the end we used to stay put and adapt our current house to suit. It's almost been a relief. Maybe partly due to being peri but I've had a reality check in recent years where I honestly couldn't give a flying fuck about keeping up with the Joneses any longer. We're knuckling down with the pension contributions and being grateful for what we have.

Oh come on. Most people in Europe live in flats. The obsession with a 4 bed detached with garden and garage is what's caused so much of our housing problems.

But the flats arent universally small or modest. I'm sure some are, but others will be huge and luxurious.

Most people in the uk live in terraces or semi detached and their size can be smaller than a flat and more modest in style or location than a flat. Depends on the terrace and the flat.

Really? Trust me I love my house. I really do. Every day I have one thought at least that I can’t believe we live here. But 50%!

But think how much you're in your house. If it's dilapidated, too small, in the wrong location, that impacts you multiple times a day. As I say on a previous post our house enables me to WFH comfortably and shut the door, multiple bathrooms no queues, lots of separate spaces for different purposes. It's clean, decorated. It absolutely has a huge impact on my overall happiness, especially compared to when we lived in our tiny house.

Yes, but you can get much more living space on a crowded island by going for flats. Our houses, newer ones especially, are sometimes poky because we won't live in flats.

Everything is relative anyway isn't it. A modest 3 bed semi is mountains of space for a couple, bit of squeeze for a family of 6.
If it was just DH and I, we'd probably have a posh flat instead of a suburban house.

I think it’s super important - to me and you anyway. But 50% is just ridiculous the more I think about it. I just can’t agree sorry

If it’s me; this is my breakdown of potential impact on happiness
80% health of you and loved ones
5% work or meaningful occupation / purpose
5% play and excitement
5% social interactions and relationships
5% environment - home, location etc.

or if I am going to be stingy on health which is the most important thing;
60% health of you and loved ones
5% work or meaningful occupation / purpose
5% play and excitement, stimulation or rest
5% social interactions and relationships
5% environment - home, location etc.
10% absence or presence of short term stressors
10% absence or presence of long term stressors

You've clearly never lived in an unpleasant place.

@Gymnoob yes I see what you're saying. I suppose if you truly think it though of course health and love is paramount, but easy to take for granted, I'm lucky enough (touch wood) to have always had my health and family, whereas I have lived in subpar living conditions so am more more consciously aware and appreciative of my home now having experienced different.

I do think though, even if you had everything on your list, but your house was small, mould infested, in the wrong perhaps dangerous place, that it would impact your happiness much more than just 5%. There's a reason housing is such a critical issue in the country.

I don't think you necessarily know another's circumstances or how stretched they are and also it is all relative in terms of what is a big / grand house, however, I do think we should enjoy the here and now. It is fine to strive for a bigger house but if we spend all our time daydreaming about something better we are not really enjoying what we have. There will always be something bigger and better to work towards.

Totally depends on circumstances I think. I’m in the process of buying a 5 double bed home as we hope to have 3 children (none yet, FTB) and currently have 10 pets. I am not stretching myself and in fact could have borrowed double the amount I have done but I didn’t feel the need to go for more. Will we upgrade in the future? Maybe but we shouldn’t need to.

I don’t do a lot of thing my peers in their early 20s do. I don’t really buy clothes, don’t drink alcohol or coffee, don’t eat lunch, don’t use my old car much. If a lovely home is important to someone then I think that’s absolutely okay but they shouldn’t beat themselves up for always have bigger and better.

For context the cost of my 5 bed would get you a small 3 bed in the south.

Yes we can agree on that 🤣 I would not be a happy bunny in a mould infested house!

But you understand it’s not that stark a choice for many, they can have a big house and do the fun stuff and holidays. You write like everyone is in the same financial situation as you. They are not. From some can’t even afford to house themselves, they de in council or ha and get housing benefits. To others who can have a large house and holidays. It’s a whole spectrum out there.

It’s all about perception- we’ve always lived in a small 3 bed cottage with 3 kids. I’ve always found it fine although others would describe it as a squeeze.
I could have a bigger home in a different area but I don’t want to move.

I have never lived in a house before (only flats) and now we live in a 4 bedroom house. Not large large but ok by London standards.

Honestly I sometimes hate it. All this going up and down the stairs all the time. If you forgot something on a different floor it’s such a palaver 🤦‍♀️
My eldest DD was watching TV downstairs, I was trying to cook dinner in the kitchen, and to settle youngest DD in first floor bedroom, and she wouldn’t settle. I was running up and down
these bloody stairs every 3 minutes, ugh.

it was soooo much easier in our 2 bedroom flat:(

also there is such more space to clean and stuff to organise. I thought we’d have lots more space but somehow stuff expands occupying ever more space…

just so much more work to keep it all under control!

basically, you are not wrong.

I mean, the self-congratulatory smugness on this thread is just next level. All of you patting yourself on the back for being so much better than those pathetic superficial idiots wanting big houses.

80% health of you and loved ones
fine
5% work or meaningful occupation / purpose
harder to enjoy your work when your office is a desk next to your bed
5% play and excitement
a lot less space to play and be excited in a poky home. Also impacts more on anyone trying to work
5% social interactions and relationships
Not in a home too small to host anyone or even have a play date over
5% environment - home, location etc.
Work is London based so location has to be commuting distance, and homes are outrageously expensive. So you’re stuck somewhere too small for purpose which impacts on everything above.

Truly, you have no clue.

@AngeloMysterioso don’t you know that being on a combined income of £130K but living as if you’re on £40k and still not being able to afford a 2.5 bed terrace in zone 5/6 is because what I actually can’t afford is “my dream life”?

I think most people compare with the homes they see on US TV and movies, rather than European homes.

I'm lucky enough to live in a 3 bedroom council house at the moment. I know I'm going to be here for years. I'm never going to own my own home. My DH works and I'm disabled. It's a reality I've come to terms with. Once my kids have grown we will probably downsize because of the stairs. Bigger and better have never interested us. We have been on survival mode most of our lives. My DH grew up in poverty. We have been on the bones of our arses more times than we can count. We aren't wasteful with money due to this. Materialism doesn't interest either of us because we've never had the luxury. We have friends who are up to their eyeballs in debt but look like they are living it up in the distance knowing it could be taken away in a heartbeat. We don't want this instability. Ever.
We do make sure are kids are well taken care of and know eventually our time will come when we can relax. Our home is decorated, well managed and clean. Bills are paid, food in the cupboards, fridge and freezer. Heating is on when we need it. Even that's a step up from my DHs upbringing.

I would say you have the right priorities

But where does being happy and content kick in ? What makes you happy?

Ive just moved from a one bed flat to a three bed house.
And the wellbeing aspect of it is amazing.

Have room to move. No mould, noise pollution, dodgy people hanging around in the parking space so feel a lot safer.

Can wfh in one room. The others are way less cluttered. Has been an absolute joy to invite people to stay. Have room to store bikes and outdoor sports gear. Two bathrooms is so nice! A garden to sit outside in and grow things.
Honestly its made a huge difference. Before i was really really struggling with stress and this has helped hugely.

We moved from the south to the north. So the rent change was only £125 pm.

Im hugely a massive advocate of live life and get out. Don't spend all your time at home. But I've learnt that actually it does make a huge difference to have some space. And the amount of peace and stress reduction a bigger space can produce is well worth considering it as a sensible option.

I think having it look fancy ect is where its maybe questionable. And also how much space do you really need. I think we didn't need three bedrooms, but we are making use of them daily so i guess somewhat its good.

I would definitely prefer to have a mortgage paid off and retire than own a massive house.
But also i see people with really happy lives in big houses in rural places.

It is just DH and me in our three bed semi (we intended it to be more but didn’t happen). Property prices round here are such that we’d struggle to afford a spacious flat (two bedrooms minimum) in an equally nice area as where we live now, with what we could get for our house. There’s no way I’d want to move to one of those poky purpose built “retirement flats”.