To ask if anyone has given their DCs an “old fashioned childhood”?

[1sttimemum0]

And by old fashioned I pretty much mean without screens (small screens - phones tablets, I don’t mean TV) and where kids could play out unsupervised with other kids when they reach a reasonable age.

If you did, how did you do it?

I guess we do. We live rurally and the DC attend a wee rural school. Nearly all of their friends live on farms so playing outside is the norm. It's far less adult supervised than is the norm today. No phones yet at 11 and 9.

Very little traffic compared to town/city life but it is very large - tractors, combines, log lorries, feed lorries etc.

I think it's ridiculous to ban screens tbh, they are part of modern. Kids can play Minecraft and also skim stones and build forts and drink lashings of ginger beer in the woods, it's not either/or. I think it's pretty draconian to ban something that brings them joy and connection with their friends.

To an extent, dd didn't have screens as I'm not in to tech at all, we had a telly but that's it.

She had toys to play with and spent hours playing, she had a friend who lived a couple of doors down and they played out from a young age.

Holidays were ones where dd could have freedom to explore and make friends.

Totally this. It's the age we live in.

I don't want to raise my kids in the 1960s when it's 2024. How is that helpful to them?

My DS is 5. He has a tablet. He plays games on it. We also have a PS4 in the living room that he uses occasionally.

He still reads books and plays outside.

It's possible to do both.

I have attempted to give my DC an 'old fashioned' childhood in some ways (lots of family time, crafts, outdoor activities, books, board games etc etc), but firmly believe that denying them access to technology is pointless - and actually detrimental in the current day and age.

Why deny your DC screen time, or the opportunity to develop good technological skills, when it is so obvious that they will need to be tech savvy to access decent education and career opportunities? Why force a child to try and do their homework on a parent's mobile phone - hugely frustrating and limiting - when it must be blindingly obvious that this approach disadvantages them and will continue to do so?

I was watching my 14yo work on a homework project this afternoon. He's at a highly academic indie school, he is a very high achieving child, loves learning. All of his homework is set via the school IPad. All of it. Am I supposed to contact the school and say no, it all has to be paper based? What good is that going to do him in the longer term?

Eldest DC is at uni - again, high achieving - aiming for a 1st. Every assignment is set online; every assignment is submitted online, and feedback is provided, yep, you've guessed it, online. If he'd been denied sensible access to tech throughout - with severely 'old fashioned childhood' values (TV only, and maybe half an hour on an IPad once a year?) he would probably be failing his degree.

As with all things, we can aim for a balance. You can put in sensible rules without being autocratic; you can allow your DC to develop skills without being permissive. It is entirely possible for a child to love gaming and to be a keen reader, for example (DS2, who games like a maniac and reads like a geek).They can be a Minecraft expert and also love climbing trees (looking at you, DS1). Or spend many hours on Fortnite and many more drawing beautiful sketches (that'll be DS3).

Honestly, you can allow DC to have phones/tablets/gaming devices and set reasonable boundaries around them and it is possible to have old fashioned elements of childhood whilst acknowledging that the world has to move on, too. But I genuinely think that children whose parents are draconian about severely limiting tech access/denying access altogether are at best making them vulnerable and at worst failing them in the longer term.

I'm a software engineer; I taught myself to code in the 90s when I was 13 and built my first computer at 15.

The idea that playing with an iPad when you're 3 or 5 or 7 will lead to a career in tech is ludicrous.

To be a software developer, you need a good attention span, creativity, problem solving skills, etc. All of which can actually be damaged by too much access to screens too young.

I have a 19 month old and will be trying my best to limit screen time as much as possible, for as long as possible. Access to a family PC to research stuff? Fine. Access to their own iPad? No way

It's perhaps because I am extremely tech literate that I fear the dangers acutely.

As a child, the idea of being allowed to roam and play with animals and nature freely would be HEAVEN. This thread reminded me of a post I read here once about one woman's experience and it sounded absolutely amazing. I think she had horses too.

But it's 2024. I don't think this works anymore, not without balance. Missing out on other experiences like watching cartoons with friends, being connected via phone, isn't necessarily good.

I also find the idea of letting children out before about 10 (in most places) a bit unnerving.

*I'm a software engineer; I taught myself to code in the 90s when I was 13 and built my first computer at 15.

The idea that playing with an iPad when you're 3 or 5 or 7 will lead to a career in tech is ludicrous.*

Sorry, can you point me to the post where this was suggested? I've read the whole thread and I really can't see that post.

@SarahAndQuack ok I'll be clearer.

If you want your child to end up being able to have a career in technology, which will mean being able to program the artificial intelligence engines that will replace the majority of computer programming jobs in 5-15 years time, the best approach will be to shield them from addictive technology for as long as possible.

So I am strongly disagreeing with the argument put forward in this thread that if you deprive a child of access to technology before their teen years, they will end up unable to cope with technology at an advanced level. I am arguing it is more likely the opposite.

Isn't this the approach that the bigwigs in tech take with their own children? I'm sure I've seen articles before on this topic where their own kids have none or extremely limited access to screens in young childhood etc. Assuming you are who you say you are (not that I disbelieve you, but this is The Internet, after all), what you say is interesting because it matches what they're saying too, as people who work and lead in the field.

My 5yo watches some telly and films. Her only access to iPad is when we take long car journeys a few times a year and/or other very rare circumstances like a hospital appointment maybe once a year or less. She watches stuff on it, and accesses CBeebies games, that's it so far. She never asks for it outside of travel, it wouldn't occur to her. I was thinking about possibly introducing Minecraft for very short bursts on a weekend but perhaps it is better to wait until she is older? Unsure on that one.

Ish.

Kids do have screens but we live abroad where playing out is still a huge thing. Live in a good neighborhood, near a park etc. I hugely encourage it.

Yes, no tv until around 8, no tec or phones till 12.

Limits on both until around 16.

It helps to live on a farm.

I don't particularly want my child to have a career in technology. I'm not sure why you think anyone was suggesting that? I'd actively encourage my DD to avoid such a career.

However, I do think children need to be au fait with the current technology in their lives. Your niche example - which seems rather odd, given you admit you were very late to learn anything relevant to it! - isn't the point. The point is that most people want their children to learn enough during childhood to cope with the world they live in, and to have a happy, enriching experience. IMO this can involve a balance between screens and nature.

I really don't have any interest in fine-tuning the likelihood my child ends up with a career in technology, and I think any parent who wants to determine their child's future to such a precise extent needs to take a long hard look at themselves.

I love the sound of that too, but that's because it's a fantasy. Practically nobody's life was ever really like that, and the small minority who lived such a charmed life did so on the backs of poorer and less privileged people. It's a bubble that can only ever be sustained for a tiny few by racism, elitism and selfishness.

I dislike this syrupy fetishising of the past, especially in relation to childhood. Mine had lots of time outside and in nature, building dens and making fires and using whittling knives and all that stuff. They went hiking and camping and fishing and played out with friends. They had their own mini plots in the garden and grew things they liked eating. They also played computer games and had great fun with Moshi Monsters and the Sims and Wii sports and Mario and other 21st century age-appropriate activities. They were read to every night until they were teenagers, they loved their bikes and football and pets. They started learning to code in primary school and loved it. I didn't see the need to cut them off from the technological reality of the world they are growing up in; technology gave them additional opportunities to be creative and social, with appropriate safeguards. It is a part of life. There is nothing inherently superior about being "old-fashioned".

@SarahAndQuack I think you seem determined to misunderstand me. But perhaps I'm misunderstanding you. It's easy to do over the internet.

There was a suggestion on this thread that, in order to be tech savvy, you need to have early access to technology. I am saying, in my experience, I don't believe that to be true.

That is all I am saying.

A previous poster mentioned that a child might fall behind in coding if they didn't have early access to a device. I am saying that, as sometime proficient in coding, that seems unlikely.

It is great that you are encouraging your child to follow whatever dreams they have, and to have balance in their lives. It's all any of us can try to do, as best we can.

Yes, perhaps it's the internet that's making us misunderstand each other. But, do keep in mind: understanding people - over the internet or not- is a skill. If you've found it hard to grasp, well - why not think about that! I have learned from my childhood and I try to equip my DD with a better grounding than I had. All of this stuff about depriving children of experiences in the hope that they'll magically gain something from it seems rather silly, to be entirely frank.

Sort of.
My boys are 6 and 4 and play outside of our house in the lane independently but are aware to stay on the part of the lane where I can find them (no cars or anything) they scoot up and down, play in the bushes etc. they will also play on the beach independently while my husband and I sit in a cafe, we can see them and just call them when the lunch has arrived!
We also read every night and practice times tables all together.
But. They both have kindles, the elder one has a switch. Kindle is limited to educational things for the first hour, then he can have access to everything. Switch is set to 1hr a day at the weekends.

All of my DC had what I call a traditional childhood. I simply didn't buy them tablets. They got a laptop at 15 to do homework on for school but only allowed the internet for schoolwork. I didn't buy them phones either. I did drive them to many sporting activities most evenings and every weekend or to meet school friends and I often collected their friends and drove them all to activities. DD did piano, horse riding, dance and swimming. DS1 did rugby, horse riding, swimming and Football. DS2 did Karate, Swimming, kayaking, electric guitar and water polo. Foster son treated in the same way does Cricket, Karate, Crav Maga and swimming and used to do Stage Coach but gave it up after 6 years. I've always encouraged them all to invite their friends around to play board games or Foster Son plays basketball with his friends in the garden or they bowl into his cricket net. They have also done Brownies/Girl Guides or Cubs/Scouts as and all done D of E too. Add that to occasional trips to the cinema, ice skating bowling and climbing each month and not a lot of time to fill. At weekends we used to take them out bike riding, to the beach, zoos or National Trust in the summer and bowling, swimming, cinema in the winter. One of their favourite things was to have a family movie night they used to take turns in choosing a movie and I'd buy popcorn and ice cream and we would all watch the movie together. Also most weekends one or the other of the DC were competing in their respective sports so whoever wasn't competing themselves or engaged in a team sport went along to lend their support. As adults now the eldest 3 are all still very engaged in sports and my DD is bringing her DS's up to do the same. They don't have tablets either. DGS's both do gymnastics, swimming, and football and the elder does Parkour, Adult 5km Parkruns with my DD and Cubs too and the younger one goes to an art club and does junior parkrun. Not having tablets and only using computers at school when they were in primary school where they have lessons has not disadvantaged them at all and all my DC and FS are computer literate.

My kids are only little (4 & 7), and as much as I try to keep them away from tablets, it's not always possible. They all had to get used to screens during lockdown when their classes went onto zoom, and it is hard to put the genie back in the bottle.

My eldest gets homework via PurpleMash app, so he uses my tablet to do this, and has since year 1. My parents have put a couple of apps like cbbeebies playtime island and a spelling test one and my kids do enjoy playing on the tablet when they are with my grandparents.

But they don't have their own tablet or use one at home (aside from for homework) and I don't take any screens out when we go out for lunch or whatever with friends (maybe a colouring book or some paper and pens).

They don't play out on their own yet, but they probably will by about 9 or 10 (we live rurally).

I did play out "unsupervised" when I was their age, but we lived in a cul-de-sac of 20 houses and our house was in the middle of the road so I expect my mum was watching from the window most of the time.

We did, up until secondary school it was playing out with friends. Lived in a close, in a quiet village. Lots of picnics, fishing with nets, building dens and dams, blackberrying and gathering conkers. DC are 18 and 19 now but they have really fond memories of it.

My youngest is 22 so it was easier, no screens till he was 11. He played out on the road from 6 but only between 2 designated markers outside the house and the family next doors 2 daughters always did as well as did a lad from across the road who was a little older and myself and the other Mum kept an eye out. He was allowed to go to the very local 5 min away park with his friends from 12.

Old fashioned? Yes I send them up chimneys and mud larking. None of this safeguarding or childhood tosh. Teach them resilience and decline all access or use of glittery gadgets. They play shuvve ha’penny. No vaccinations and a hearty slap daily. Yes the good old days. Disease,pea souper,but at least no gadgets

I intend to send them off sailing by themselves for a few days.

Better drowned than duffers, if not duffers won't drown.

My nephews are like this. Run riot in the village they live in. Little menaces! No screens, they’re not interested in TV. They like making animal traps and riding quad bikes and loads of other outdoorsy things. Honestly, they’re pretty feral, I’m sure my SIL believes the other people in the village would prefer them to be inside on screens - thank goodness they’re cute.

I have friends who do what they call "slow-tech". They live in a little village on what is pretty much a small farm. Kids go to Steiner school. Mum does have a mobile though and let's her son use it to ring my son; also they have internet but rarely on ( and barely works as they are very rural). I think we took her then 9yo to his first film at an actual cinema. She researched the movie we had chosen as well before saying yes, as she was worried about the content.
He is a gorgeous kid, but has few friends, just from not being able to do things that most kids do. Even the Steiner kids are playing video games now they are 13yo. But, he grows his own veg and sells it to make his pocket money. It's all a balance I guess. Much as we might like to pretend it's 1950 . It isn't.