Husband won't tell his family we've split up

[Mummypig16]

I decided that I wanted to end our marriage 10 days ago after being incredibly unhappy for 7 months. I won't go into detail why I made this decision but it's been a long time coming and he wasn't surprised either. Infact he took it quite well (maybe too well..)

We rent a house together, both on the tenancy but I'm the lead tenant and my dad's the guarantor. All bills come out my account, he sends me money when he gets paid but honestly I pay for the majority of things.
He said the split will have to be 'gradual'. He won't discuss moving out even though we agreed it makes sense for me to stay here with our 2 daughters. He says he is respecting my boundaries but still keeps telling me he loves me etc. I understand its an adjustment and I'm in a totally different place to him and I'm trying to be considerate and reasonable... but I'm also so tired of him pretending we're still in a happy relationship to his family.
His mum is getting married in August and I'm a bridesmaid. He asked if I'm still comfortable with that. I said as long as she is then definitely, but I want him to tell his family because I feel like he's in denial even though he insists he isn't.
'It's up to me when I tell them and I'm keeping it to myself for now'
Am I being unreasonable here? He's put me through so much and I have nothing left to give him. I just want him to leave so I can move on and live my life with my daughters. Why do I feel like I'm the bad guy?

Spot on.

I am absolutely not falling for it haha, I had to stop myself from laughing if I'm honest! Seeing him reduced to this to try keep control is laughable

I'm still worried about your safety. You said he's broken door knobs and the baby gate. He clearly has a temper and he's now at rock bottom. Whatever you do, don't let him see you laughing at him.

You said he's put you through a lot in the past (not violence) - if it's alcohol or drug related then that's even more concerning.

Check the terms of your tenancy, especially as your dad is a guarantor. At a guess, you will have to terminate the joint one in order to get your name taken off and your dad released from being a guarantor. Please don't just move out while your dad is still liable.

Wow. The consequences of his actions are coming back to bite him on the arse. If he was in such a precarious position then maybe he should have tried to facilitate a happy relationship? What a catch! You’re well rid. Well, when you can shoehorn him out of the house… I hope that is soon.

She actually says after 7 months of issues.

OP just tell his mum. You have a good reason so she cans make decisions about her wedding

He broke down. He said I didn't understand that I'm leaving him with nothing. He'll be homeless and won't have any money. He said he's broken and doesn't know how he's going to move forward. Said I'm the love of his life and he'll never find anyone else

Then what a pity he behaved like a twat and was so critical of you whilst you were together. He is reaping what he sowed. Perhaps he'll look at his behaviour in the future and realise that if you behave badly, women often dump you.

Frankly I'd tell his mum I couldn't be a bridesmaid any more. That should push that conversation along quite nicely.

I think he's hoping this is only temporary....

Ahh I'll do that, I don't want my dad liable at all considering he loaned us the money to move there in the first place.
I don't want to leave anyways, I want to make it into the home I want. I want a dining table and he's never let me have one!

So I've just spoken to his sister, they aren't speaking at the moment so I felt safe talking to her and getting an unbiased opinion. She is fully supporting me and said I need to tell their mum because he's in denial

It's all a balancing act at the moment, he's in full self pity mode and he needs to realise it is actually over. He's trying to change he said.
Also yes, he is addicted to weed. I didn't want to mention it as I'm ashamed I let it go on so long without me realising how bad he was. The amount he's spent over the years when we've literally been so skint we've had to go to food banks and loan rent money is disgraceful and I'm absolutely heartbroken with myself that I've let it go on for this long.

I think that either of you can end the tenancy so if you speak to the landlord, you can end the tenancy with the right amount of notice (normally a month from the tenant’s side) and ask the landlord to renew the tenancy with only you on it if he’s delaying moving out. Sounds horrible, but then so does he so I’m not feeling sympathy.

He wouldn't let you have a dining table....!!!

A weed-addicted man with a violent temper isn't one you want around your children. Do you have evidence of this?

I think you need to see a solicitor. You will need one anyway. The most pressing thing is to get him out of the house.

You will have a whole new lease of life when he's gone! Including your dining table x

Stop being a passenger in your own life and stop letting your husband call the shots. Tell his family, tell everyone, and if he ever kicks off again, call the police and have him removed from the home. Your husband is a violent man. He's got to go, sooner rather than later.

I think you need to give him a deadline. How is he funding his weed habit? I would not have him in the house if he uses drugs (even weed) with young children around. Check the tenancy and notice as he may refuse to go so you may have no option but to end the tenancy and move in with your parents for a while then start off again on your own.

I think you need to take more control and if he is at all violent I would be calling the police and getting out of there asap.

Gradual? I’d give him max a week to find somewhere else to rent. Or he can live with parents.

I'm so sorry for all the heartache you've been through. How humiliating for you to have to borrow money for rent when he's spent it on weed.

It sounds like he might not be capable of looking after the children unsupervised if he's doing weed every day. You don't have to let him have unsupervised access in such a circumstance.

Please don't blame yourself for anything - you've tried to keep it all together! You're being a wonderful parent by wanting better for the children and making that happen.

Thank you for your kind words, they mean so much. My kids come first and he's been hiding from me how much he's being smoking (I go to bed early most nights whereas he stays up till midnight).
I feel like a right idiot that I didn't know. He can access up to half his wages early and he's been spending it on weed. He told me he was being taxed and his child maintenance had went up.. yes he has 2 children from a previous relationship

Chuck him out.
pull out of wedding.

Dear OP
Please be careful, this is a very dangerous time for you....separation and coercive control are major red flags.
Many women don't get to leave .....
Check your phone for apps you didn't download, he will convince himself that you are having an affair, may not be able to control his rage ..
Get your mum or dad to call you every day at different times.
Don't mean to scare you but the weed and the control are worrying.
Too many women have downplayed the risks.
He is not a good father. Child contact will be an absolute nightmare
Get advice from an Idva service in your area about leaving safely please.