Neighbour telling my Dd she has beautiful, blue eyes

[Knockoffminieggs]

Is this weird or just nice?

Dd, 5 was stood at our gate waiting for her little neighbour pal, when the guy across the road (married, two kids of his own) was in his car and shouted out of the window to her. When she came in, I casually asked what he’d said, she got cross at me and said she didn’t want to tell me 🤷🏻‍♀️
Anyway, she ended up saying he said she had beautiful, blue eyes and looked like she didn’t like that.
Now when she’s in the garden and he comes out to go somewhere, she runs in the house

Is this weird?

I don't think either is weird TBH.

@BMW6 Either?

@Tenmus ?

Shouting out of a car that someone has beautiful eyes is pretty weird

It doesn't sound good to me. Both sound weird.

It could be nothing but that she got cross at me and said she didn’t want to tell me would make me suspicious that he had said don't tell anyone.

I would reiterate to her that if anyone tells you to keep a secret that actually you don't have to, and that you don't need to keep secrets from your parents anyway. I probs wouldn't push for anymore info from her though. I would not let her out of my sight or let her go over there without me.

What is he like?

No one shouts from a car. That's not ok.

Well by itself it is not weird.
But he has made her uncomfortable and as animals our instincts are finely tuned to perceive threats and to your daughter he clearly is one. So you need to take it seriously and make sure you keep her away from him

Going off her reaction is there a chance anything else has happened?

(e: for example when I was a bit younger than this a neighbour came to my bedroom window at night and performed inappropriate acts - so I would definitely have been afraid if he then spoke to me - but I did scream at the time and told my mum. But I just mean even if they haven't been obviously alone together something might have happened if she seems really afraid of him)

@Laalaland I heard him shout from the car and almost caught what he said, that’s why I asked her, just to clarify. I don’t think he would have had time to say much else. He’s really nice generally 🤷🏻‍♀️Don’t know him massively well, but Dd of his own (a bit older ) and older son.
We’re in another country and blue eyes are rareish-could maybe be just this
She didn’t seem to like it though and has been playing and pretending to be a ninja for when strangers come-she may just be embarrassed?

Sounds off to me. Now your alert is on at least you can be extra vigilant. The fact that she avoids seeing him is good, her instincts must be telling her something is off too. Maybe he’s fine but better safe than sorry!

@jengachampion I’m always here so I don’t see how it could have

@SilverBranchGoldenPears Yes it’s the fact she looked uncomfortable and said she didn’t want to tell me? She never says things like that
Could it be she just felt uncomfortable?

Don't over think it. And don't make it into a thing, as that will stress your DD. Let her forget about it.

Make sure she understands personal space and boundaries, as you would regardless of this. Chances are it's entirely innocent, and accepting that is the most likely explanation doesn't mean you are lax with your DD's safety.

@gotthearse Ive not said anything else to het and won’t, I’m just curious by her reaction and will quietly just watch more closely

If you had been chatting to him and he'd looked down at her and said it then fine.
To shout it out of the window or make her come over to him, then that is creepy and weird.

Talk to her about bad secrets that make her feel uncomfortable should never be kept secret from you or her dad, she must tell one of you.

If she looks different to most people around her could it be that the remark has made her self conscious about that?

@AutumnFroglets She was at our front gate, shouting to her neighbour pal and he was pulling out from their house with the window down.

@BatildaB Im not sure it’s that as she has ex pat friends with fairer skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, red hair etc, but the general population is darker hair and eyes, so blue eyes are seen as nice here.

i have a child that has a striking feature. She has gotten comments from random people her entire life. So just saying something alone isn’t necessary odd. It can be done innocently.

there has to be something about the way this person said it that made your child uncomfortable. Screaming from a car is a good start. It it triggered her negative instincts, she should trust those instincts and stay away from that person.

I think the fact that you're in a country where blue eyes are rare is pretty relevant. It makes it a lot more normal that he would point it out in that case.

Is it possible also that her eyes get a lot of attention in general and that is why she might be embarrassed of the fuss?

I think he probably scared her - some random man she doesn’t know shouting at her would surely startle & upset a 5 year old (it would make older girls a bit shocked too),which may be why she was cross in having to tell what he said as it’s quite a contradiction of her being scared by him but him saying something about her having beautiful eyes.

Yeah... nobody (normal) shouts out "what gorgeous eyes you have" as they drive away. But plenty of men, usually in vans, open windows to wolf whistle or shout out "cor, get a load of that" while letching. I wonder if it was the look on his face rather than the actual words that made her feel so uncomfortable.

@AutumnFroglets I hope not, feeling weird about this now, not sure if his family were in the car too, want to ask her more but it’s probably not good to do that?