Neighbour telling my Dd she has beautiful, blue eyes

[Knockoffminieggs]

Is this weird or just nice?

Dd, 5 was stood at our gate waiting for her little neighbour pal, when the guy across the road (married, two kids of his own) was in his car and shouted out of the window to her. When she came in, I casually asked what he’d said, she got cross at me and said she didn’t want to tell me 🤷🏻‍♀️
Anyway, she ended up saying he said she had beautiful, blue eyes and looked like she didn’t like that.
Now when she’s in the garden and he comes out to go somewhere, she runs in the house

Is this weird?

@Speakingofdinosaurs Its our neighbour across the street so she’s seen him before, he’s probably said hi etc, so not massively a stranger

I suppose it’s her reaction that’s bothering me, more so that what he said?

It sounds pretty weird to me,

Just a random guy across the road saying something like that too,

He doesn't even know you and your family in any way,

i wonder why your daughter 🤔 why your daughter was so hesitant to say anything to you about this,
could be just her age kind of thing or could have just startled her too,

@cerisepanther73 Hes not really a random guy as is our neighbour across the street and Dh often chats on to him, me less so

Yes it does sound weird. I remember men saying similar to me as a child and their intentions were not just to be friendly. Unfortunately there are predators out there and they will appear "nice and normal" to the outside world. Its why it's important to teach stranger danger but also to ensure that children can establish boundaries around people who they see more often, ie neighbours, teachers,etc.

Well, whether or not it was weird, your dd considered it unwanted attention. It could have been entirely innocent, but randomly shouting out of the window of a moving vehicle, at a young girl he doesn't know, could well feel very awkward to your dd - and she's right. Isn't this how men continue to believe that it's ok to do this shit, when it clearly makes the recipient of the unwanted attention feel uncomfortable? And aren't women conditioned, from when they're little girls, to just learn to put up with it?

@Whatafustercluck Yes, I don’t like it, I don’t think he meant harm, but isn’t it obvious that’s embarrassing to a little girl. Just strange she didn’t want to tell me, that’s the part I don’t like either

Any man shouting at a female (no matter their age) about their physical appearance is massively inappropriate, but for a grown man to do it to a child they don’t even know well is quite disturbing. From your daughter’s reaction it seems likely that this is not the first time this man has shown her unwanted attention.

@OolongTeaDrinker Do you think so? My Dd is very outgoing and shouts out/talks to all the neighbours, we generally know them and their dogs fairly well. That’s why I was also surprised at her reaction as she’s never shy (I am, so really notice the difference!)

You don’t say what country you are in and whilst this may be a bit odd in the UK perhaps in the country you are in it’s perfectly normal.

@Seriouslywhatstheactualpoint Portugal

Yes. Particularly a child.

Maybe ask your DD why she didn’t want to tell you. I don’t see that he did anything wrong by just saying what he did but it’s all about tone and context. Given the cultural differences you have stated, that could be part of a conversation with your DD if she looks different or unusual to most just so she understands.

I would be pretty shy if a grown man paid me a compliment as a child. But that doesn’t mean he is a bad person.

I think that you've got your cultural wires crossed and it will be difficult to get a balanced perspective on this forum. I also don't think that it's unusual for a child to be embarrassed by physical complements. We don't really hand them out much in the UK anymore.

Especially when the someone is just 5 years old.

I feel that your daughter’s instincts are working very well and that is a credit to you for raising a child who trusts their gut.

I remember putting my hands up in front of my face( thinking if I can’t see them , they can’t see me) if a man looked at me or smiled when I was under 8. It’s just shyness most of the time. I smile at children all the time . Please don’t say that everyone who pays a complaint or smiles at a child is a paedophile.

A woman wouldn't shout from a car, he's weird. Men do seem to like shouting from cars.

The only time you'd ever make a comment like that, if you would, is when a child is standing in front of you, with their parent, in a friendly conversation. You wouldn't repeat it either, once is enough.

I grew up in southern Europe and have blue eyes. People made a massive fuss out of it all the freaking. I think it’s the novelty of it, I used to feel very uncomfortable as well but I know it was never malicious. I hope it’s the same in your case.

I don’t think men should make comments about a child’s looks if a child is on their own. Actually, I don’t think men should be throwing comments out of cars regarding women’s looks full stop.

I compliment children all the time but not about their bodies - "Isn't that a lovely dress!", "That's a terrific sword and shield"... maybe it's easier being a woman talking to children?

Possibly this. My parents took me inter railing as a blonde haired blue eyed toddler, and I was absolutely raved over in the Mediterranean. I was given sweets and gifts all over the place.

People think my baby son is a girl sometimes, and I've had comments on his "beautiful, beautiful, beautiful blue eyes". Not daft really as my sister is the beautiful one, with black hair and green eyes.