Do our children choose us

[Whoneedsthreeloos]

Bit out there, but I was reading some reports of people saying their young children have said things about finding and choosing them to be their mummy. Some were saying the children just said one day that they saw (the mum) doing such and such and decided they wanted her to be their mum, most saying it was before they were born.
I asked my Dd casually if she remembers before she was born and she just laughed and asked what I meant, so I obviously left it there
The only strange thing I ever had was when Dd was maybe 3.5-4 and she told me she had a dream where I was in a garden and had two little girls, sisters who looked just like me, but she wasn’t there 🙁she was quite upset by this,
Dd looks nothing like me (v different colouring etc) I’ve lost two pregnancies before-ectopic & miscarriage, Dd was a miracle baby via I f..hence the pondering about it all.

Because they are kids, and kids say crazy shit. I was never born, I was made. I was convinced I was a robot. Then I was convinced I was an alien sent to Earth as some sort of experiment (and I still kind of think that!).
But some folks hold on to the more woo things, and look deeper into it than it really is.
Kids are nuts.

My dad is an asshole, and I would never had chosen him as a parent.

@Whoneedsthreeloos I read an interesting book called The Journey of Souls by Michael Newton. There's a chapter which discussed unborn souls choosing their families.

Well that just shows it's bollocks then doesn't it?

Why would a child deliberately choose to be born to abusive torturers/murders instead?

No they don't and can't choose us. We choose them, in a sense, in that we choose to become pregnant or continue an unexpected pregnancy and we can choose the man involved (obviously some women don't, sadly).

I think children come out with ideas like this because they are trying to make sense of the whole of their experience and it seems like a good idea! It's a whimsical fantastical bit of story telling which is sweet and entertaining.

I'd read it as the soul in another realm waiting for a new conception and then inhabiting that body.

If it were true.

That's why it's really important to accept its complete nonsense. There's not even any logic to it as pp pointed out, given the number of children with awful parents. It's nonsense, it's smug and as you highlight, quite cruel.

I did. But I was 11 and placed in foster care.

Sorry but this is utter nonsense and claptrap…

I can’t imagine Star hobson, Jacob crouch or Peter connelly (to name a short selection of the poor souls abused and tortured if not murdered by their own mothers) “chose” the abusive gobshite degenerates life unfortunately handed them as parents.

Was about to say the same re: fertility. TTC has been a struggle for us and we’ve also had to have the ‘realistically it might not happen’ conversation recently.

Feels great to think I haven’t been ‘chosen’.

I think kids are very aware and trying to make sense of life and death from a very early age

Feels great to think I haven’t been ‘chosen’.

Well stop choosing to believe it then 🤷‍♂️

When DD was about 3 she asked me if I remembered when she used to be my mummy

The idea of non- existence is a huge one to wrap your head around for a child. As adults we struggle, but tend to focus our thoughts on what becomes of us after rather than before. Children seek ways to understand, and to establish a sense of control. The idea they were in a place and had a choice is easier and more appealing than they idea they didn't exist at all.

Why? Because they are kids and they say whatever pops into their heads without much thought and people hear the bit they want to hear and dismiss the rest.

As an affiliate of the Institute de Bolleaux, I can confirm that this theory is a great big pile of shite.
Man and woman have a shag, sperm meets egg. That's all there is to it. Nobody is 'chosen'.

No of course not. As other posters have mentioned so many children in awful, abusive families with parents who are terrible and evil human beings. Likewise lots of wonderful humans who can’t start a family.

I do find the concept of reincarnation fascinating though. There was one case where the 2 of the families children died then ‘came back’ as their twins. I need to look it up again, I can’t remember where or when it was but it was quite interesting!

I don't know about that tbh but it's a beautiful thought. Idea of it makes me feel a bit less shitty about myself and makes me want to be a better mum

Nope. Sperm and egg meet, cella divide and multiply to create a person. It's not predecided. Consciousness develops within the brain.

It can't be true as only really lovely, loving people would have children and that's obviously not the case.

Cells*

That's lovely. And yes, you did choose each other. No woo required!

I think the child possibly comes up with the idea because they try to think about 'Where was I before I was born?' and can't imagine themself just not existing.

I'm not religious but I love the Bhagavad Gita philosophy which (if I remember rightly) says that our soul has to experience every aspect of human relationship and emotion before it can transcend to nirvana and that groups of souls often make the long journey together. So your children may have been your siblings, parents, uncles, aunties, friends, works colleagues, boss, neighbour in a previous life. There are many, many lives and each experience enriches the soul closer to reaching nirvana. The body is basically a shell through which to experience life's inter relationships and emotions.

I always think of this philosophy when going through a hard time and it helps me to cope.

If it were true, I’d like to think of it as they they choose from a pool who are about to/have conceived, not choosing from everyone. So it’s not that someone hasn’t been chosen so they don’t conceive, it’s just they haven’t conceived so can’t be chosen. If it were true, which it probably isn’t.