Fling from 27 years ago

[donkeyleg]

Could be a long one.
Who's being unreasonable me or DP?

Been together 19 years and 3 children together. If that matters.

So when I was 17 I had a little fling with someone. (Slept together after a night out twice). A couple of months later I found out my dad had started a relationship with his mum. They are still together now, not married but living together. Quite awkward at first but was all soon forgot about, we were teenagers when it happened and nothing happened afterwards. We had no idea our parents knew each other never mind get in a relationship.
He's married with children I'm with dp.

So my dad has a big birthday coming up this weekend and we are all getting together for food and drinks for it.
My DP is now saying he's not going, he doesn't want to sit and have drinks with someone I've "done things with before" even though it was 27 years ago and he's met him a couple of times before.

Hes saying it's disgusting and he's embarrassed by me and I should be ashamed because I'm disgusting!
We've had an argument about how he's spoke to me and that what I did when I was 17 has nothing to do with him.

Aibu or him?

Wtaf stand up to him it’s his problem not yours your not disgusting and if someone felt that way about me I would fuck them off sounds like a jealous control freak

This prick is a fucking bully abusive and a control freak girl you are way to good for this ditch him he will NEVER change I’ve been in an abusive relationship and the years just go by I’m now 57 get out girl

He can sit outside with crisps and coke like the child that he is

I wonder would he 'let' her go on her own and hang out with her not so recent ex unsupervised?

OP, you had a perfectly normal short lived fling with someone when you were 17. That's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! Frankly, if you had been swinging from chandeliers at orgies every weekend, if it was before you met him it was none of his damn business!

I would be thinking long and hard about whether you want to continue in this relationship. It won't get better as he knows exactly what he is doing, and I bet he has been doing it all the time you have been together. Time to get away from this head fuck.

He is looking for a fight and you have to ask yourself why. Start getting those ducks in a row.

My dad used to do that any time my mum was due to go out without him. Every. Single. Time. She eventually left him I think you're 100% correct

Standard practice. So glad your Mum left, hope she has a lovely contented life.

Yanbu
How would you have possibly known that your parents would end up together ?

New house, new husband, loads of holidays and pretty much happy out! Thank you for your well wishes for her, she really deserves them.

Dad, on the other hand, died alone, with none of his family around him. I might sound very callous, but actions have consequences.

Go without him. He won't like that. And review your future with this man.

Tell him the quote --'
'The Past is a different country - they do things differently there''.

Oh please dump him. He’s disgusting and a horrible example to your dc.

But why shouldn’t you have a past? Why shouldn’t you have been a bit wild? There’s nothing wrong with that at all, it just means you had fun, and good for you!
He was the one who took the wrong path in life, the path that turned him into a misogynistic hypocrite.

Him not attending the party isn't the problem, him calling you names and shaming you for sleeping with someone 27 years ago definitely is! If he is routinely disrespectful and calling you horrible names, I would think hard about whether you are prepared to put up with this any longer.

Seems both your parents got what they deserved. I hope your Mum is having a ball. No you don't sound callous at all.

Thank you x

He's an absolute cock. Even if you'd never slept with anyone before him & lived like a nun, he'd still find something to criticise & some way to bring you down.

Bleughhh I HATE these kind of men. I’ve had a handful. Making me feel like they love me DESPITE my wild early twenties.

My husband loves me BECAUSE when we see something weird on tv, I pipe up with “reminds me of the time I…..”.

Honestly the different in my levels of self esteem since I met him is undeniable.

We've had so many of these times."remand when"
Then he's actually turned it into an argument.
Bringing me down and my past as per

Have a look at the symptoms of someone who is a narcissist.

Do you still have feelings for ex? Does your current boyfriend think you do? Presumably he knows your ex us married so not a threat.

Of course you aren't the one being unreasonable.. he's giving you a hard time about something that happened before you even knew him! You are not disgusting or an embarrassment. Go to the party without him if he doesn't want to go. I suspect he does want to go, he just wants to give you a hard time about it.
You've done nothing wrong. Don't let him make you feel bad.

Shame ? Regret? For having sex when you were 17?!

honestly OP you husband is acting deranged, what exactly is disgusting about you having consensual sex?

what sort of bizarre and misogynistic views does he have, how will he be if you have a daughter and she ever has a partner.

It sounds perfect that he’s not coming.

Start feeling out what life is like without him hanging around your leg like a misogynistic dead weight