Being called Mrs *-*

[LorlieS]

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

[Rosestulips]

Are they calling you Mrs when they can see it’s Ms? Or are they just assuming?

[LorlieS]

@Rosestulips Mostly assuming.

[WhateverMate]

It's up to you what you get annoyed about 🤷‍♀️

I'd assume people just forget, unless you've forgotten to tell us they're people you've constantly reminded and they write to you a lot.

[Rosestulips]

@LorlieS

@Rosestulips Mostly assuming.

Then I think YABU, they are not deliberately getting it wrong.

[HeddaGarbled]

Because it’s the traditional form of address for a married woman.

[LorlieS]

@HeddaGarbled It's not my title, nor one I wish to be referred to by.

[ComtesseDeSpair]

It was tradition for centuries and it’s only been a handful of decades since it stopped being the norm. It’ll take several more, I think, for the people to whom it was always the norm to (literally) die out, and it become customary to ask rather than assume.

Though the vast majority of people I know and meet automatically assume (correctly) that I neither took DH’s name nor title myself Mrs, so change is definitely underway. When I got married last year not a single one of my colleagues asked whether they should now refer to me with a different name.

[LittleGreenDragons]

Women have four* possible titles compared to a man's one. If you don't tell them your preferred title then of course they are going to assume the traditional married one.

• Miss, Mrs, Ms or Mx.

[LorlieS]

@ComtesseDeSpair That's really positive; wish I'd had a similar experience. Perhaps it's my age?!! Not sure.

[HeddaGarbled]

If you choose something out of the ordinary and expected, that’s absolutely your prerogative but you must know that you’ll have to make it clear on a regular basis and that people will regularly revert to the norm.

You are being disingenuous. You know you’re making a feminist statement. And good for you - I agree with you. But you also know that you will have to keep hammering it home. Don’t pretend you don’t.

[Hugmorecats]

I’m divorced and still get people automatically calling me Mrs. Everyone on the phone also asks if I am a Miss or a Mrs, as if Ms didn’t exist. I don’t get hugely wound up by it but do sigh a little inside.

[WhateverMate]

@LorlieS

@HeddaGarbled It's not my title, nor one I wish to be referred to by.

But still something you'll need to make peace with, otherwise you're just going to be angry all your married life.

All those years of tradition aren't going to change overnight just to soothe your annoyance.

[LorlieS]

@LittleGreenDragons Indeed. Hence why there should only be one for women imo.

[LorlieS]

@WhateverMate Would you be happy with being addressed by any of the four (+) titles available?

I do not wish to be referred to as Mrs anything.

[WhateverMate]

@LorlieS

@WhateverMate Would you be happy with being addressed by any of the four (+) titles available?

I do not wish to be referred to as Mrs anything.

Edited

Yeah, not fussed really unless I've explicitly told people how I'd like to be addressed and they've ignored it.

Then it'd be worth my annoyance.

[Tetsuo]

I've been Ms for years.

Do you have to keep telling people.

Just keep saying it.

[InWalksBarberalla]

Who is actually calling you Mrs? I can't recall the last time someone actually addressed me with a title.

[LorlieS]

@InWalksBarberalla Parents. Constantly. I'm a teacher.

[Hermittrismegistus]

Were you a Miss or a Ms before you married?

[LorlieS]

@Hermittrismegistus A Ms.

[InWalksBarberalla]

@LorlieS

@InWalksBarberalla Parents. Constantly. I'm a teacher.

Ah that makes sense. My sons primary has just moved to first name basis, but before that I was a bit surprised by the number of the recently married teachers using Mrs instead of Ms.

[WhateverMate]

@LorlieS

@InWalksBarberalla Parents. Constantly. I'm a teacher.

Now that really is very odd.

I'm in my mid fifties and for as long as I can remember teachers were called 'Miss', regardless of their marital status.

Has that really changed? I admit it's been a few years since my youngest left school.

[brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]

Awful when people don’t respect your preferred pronouns.

[Chatonette]

@LorlieS

@InWalksBarberalla Parents. Constantly. I'm a teacher.

I didn’t realise you were a teacher. Ah, well…forget that then! My preference is Mrs, but I ALWAYS got called Miss. My stance was to not let it bother me and go with the flow. I always answered to Miss, but whenever I said my name, it was ‘Mrs’. You may have to let this go, OP.

[LorlieS]

@WhateverMate I work in a huge primary with many other women, most of whom are also married. I'm literally the only one who isn't a Mrs. Nearly everyone therefore (pupils and parents) refers to female members of staff (especially over a cetain age) as Mrs X.