My son is nearly 4. He is very clever, funny, articulate, affectionate, and curious. He is neurotypical (we think, as well as nursery). He has always been challenging, but lately I feel like he is beyond my capabilities. For the past few months, he has been acting whiny, rude, and clingy.
He is constantly attached to me, touching my face, putting his face in mine, and jumping onto me. I am very consistent in telling him my boundaries and say "Mommy does not want to be touched right now," and firmly move him off me. I move away from him if he does it again, but he follows me, clinging to my legs, and "cries" (it is not genuine crying, but very forced and whiny). When I am ok with being touched, I invite him over for a quick hug or a cuddle. We often cuddle while watching Bluey and every evening while reading a book. I tell him I love him multiple times per day. He is still constantly seeking physical contact from me, and is never more than a foot away.
He is seemingly incapable of playing by himself. He is interested in monster trucks, Lego, remote control cars, the park, soft play, and rough play (running, jumping, and wrestling with his little brother). He will not do any of those things without someone actively playing with him. If I start playing with him and take a step back to wash dishes or change his brother's nappy, DS stops playing entirely and follows my while whining and crying. If I don't play with him, he will sit and ask incessantly for sweets (despite not being hungry) rather than picking up a toy or a book. When his brother is napping, DS refuses to play and cries that he wants sweets or to watch TV. I have limited screens to an hour per day, but it hasn't lessened any whining and there is no extra play happening.
He has always sought food when bored (asking for snacks repeatedly, whining that he's hungry immediately after meals, etc). In the past couple months, this behaviour has become far worse and he now sneaks food from the kitchen in the early mornings before I am awake. He has eaten sugar directly from the bag, peanut butter from the jar, chocolate and crackers from the cupboard... He has been very clearly told not to do this. He has a large breakfast, a healthy lunch, a healthy dinner, and two snacks per day. Sweets and dessert are available most days (if enough nutritious food has been eaten). He often refuses lunch or dinner, claiming that he isn't hungry, and I leave the plate on the table for an hour after in case he wants it later, but offer no alternative. I have started leaving a granola bar out for him in the morning so that he doesn't sneak sweets, but this morning he ate the granola bar and proceeded to scavenge the cupboards anyway.
This all sounds so negative, but I do love DS dearly. I'm just at a loss at how to help him be more independent and deal with his own boredom. I feel like a horrible parent. AIBU to have no idea how to deal with this? Any advice would be very appreciated.