To be fed up of AMA high earner threads where the poster is not actually the high earner?

[Evilcountspatula]

Please can we hear from a female (single, married, with kids, whatever) who earns enormous sums rather than someone who has married a rich husband. No jealousy, I’d have loved to have married a rich husband myself, but genuinely interested to have a thread from a woman at the top of the money earning tree. Is that too much to ask?
edited for typos

It's the posts where "my DH wouldn't be earning this much without me" that annoy me.

Yes, he actually would. He either wouldn't chose to have as many children or he would find another woman who would do your role. The fact you take care of the house, child's etc is admirable but he would still find a way to earn the same, with or without you.

The proof - will his income shrink if you divorce? Nope, he'll just find a replacement or pay someone else.

Now that really would be interesting, agreed.

I do all that for my limited company that I am sole diretcor of as well as doing the actual work that I invoice for. Lots of women do. I pay an accountant to do my tax returns. Many men that get the women to do this and make them directors do so so they can take advantage of the woman's tax allowance to pay less dividend tax, not because they need them do the monthly admin that they could easily pay an accountant to do.

Not saying that this is the case for you as you also work, but for most men that have limited companies this is about the wife being a non or 20% tax payer and it's a way to pay less tax.

Those women don't tend to spend their time on MN being sneery about other women.

Name changed for this as money is very outing

I earn a lot of money. Sometimes there are threads I want to contribute to in order to give my perspective but there are so many responses always accusing the OP of lying about it I don't want to do it. I have lots of views/advice for someone who wants to know how I got here but I will never do it because I don't want to have to deal with the other responses.

I also get annoyed at posts where it is not the woman but the man earning the money. The poster usually contributes in just as valuable a way but can't really speak to what is involved in getting to the high earner point

And finally - I have a busy and demanding job but have been mumsnetting for years when I wasn't earning as much money. It is actually easier to spend time not working now as I dictate my schedule and get to have a break whenever I want. I like mumsnet because there are funny threads and good advice so I read it still now as it is a nice break from an otherwise hellish day. Being on mumsnet isn't a sign you can't possibly be in a high earning role. Also, my job is one where the world my clients live in and I work in for many hours a day is not normal. For me mumsnet is a link to people who come from my world and keep me anchored. I don't have the financial issues some people have but I have many of the same other issues. I find it helps me feel connected to my life when I can otherwise feel a bit isolated

They are utterly dull. Basically, under-occupied women looking for a way to share the novelty that they can now afford to live in Fulham, have swishy hair or buy ponies with randomers on the internet. And hoping the reply will be something like, ‘ooh, you magnificent uber-lady, we are all so envious of your good fortune.’

Like I said, dull.

The women I know who are themselves that well-earning or otherwise successful, have high enough self esteem and more important things to do than overshare their financial happenings with internet strangers.

I’ve NCed for this. I earn just over £1M a year - I run a technology business. I am not like the high earning DHs you hear about on here in that I’m not on the 630 train, leaving everything to my spouse (who also works FT) or others. I am a present parent for my kids, I turn up to assemblies etc because I’m senior and (mostly) in control of my schedule. I wfh 2 days a week.

The way I did it was to simply keep working and play the long game. I’ve worked in industries where presenteeism isn’t the name of the game. had kids late enough (34 and 36) that we had good household income and hired a wonderful nanny who is still with us even though both kids are at school. I went back to work after 4 months with both, which was tough. When I had 2 under 2 it was really tough. But I forged through because I could see it would benefit us all in the long run. Everything has a price though, like a PP said I don’t do much other than work and spend time with my kids. But work is stimulating, interesting and (gasp) fun. So it’s not drudgery. I do almost nothing around the house, I don’t even know where most of the cleaning products are - I don’t consider chores to be a necessary component of mothering and I am happy to pay our housekeeper (she is paid well, before anyone accuses me of getting rich of the exploited labour of other women) to take that on.

I would never do an AMA because once you get to my level to answer anything would be very outing!

I think it depends on the questions being asked OP. I don't know the thread being referenced on here, but if the questions were about balancing high earnings jobs and kids, or what career paths or qualifications lead to high incomes, or investments, or outgoings v income, or sharing finances in a high income marriage, or how everyone in the North is poor as a church mouse, I might respond on the thread.

That's despite me being a middle/high earner and DH being the 6 figure earner. I feel like I might have something to contribute.

If the question was about how as a single mother you earn 6 figures, no - I wouldn't contribute.

I read the other thread and also found it odd, the poster appeared to wish to talk about lifestyle, ovens, horses, handbags stuff, and seemed irate and uncertain when it came to business.

having a business where you take a salary of over a million a year (before tax) but still run around in a works van doing the quotes seemed highly unusual as the running of such a large scale operation would be highly complex. She also unwittingly indicated it was small, as they have so few employees and have to sometimes hire poles.

whuch made me think she was confused on 780 was annual revenue not net salary. if you look at the largest scaffolding companies in the uk, where this company would have to be positioned, they all have full board of directors running it , inc financial, marketing, operational, strategy directors etc, but this was being run by one bloke who did the quotes in his van, had ten employees in total, inc the cleaner.

I'm a high earner but not through fancy jobs.

My pay before children was quite good and I was good at saving. Over the years I paid off my mortgage, invested in the stock market (with help and guidance), took out an ISA and took out a SIPP. Now post-divorce I have a reasonable standard of living.

Most of my income is generated through investments (about £60k pa), the rest is from work (£30k pa). I'm not sure that's what people think about when they hear high earner but the question is what is it you are trying to achieve? So few people are able to get those kinds of jobs isn't it better to learn how to optimise what you have?

To be fair whenever people post on Mumsnet that they earn over £100k per annum they are invariably told by most poster that they must be lying (because everyone knows women don’t earn that much is the implication). Lots of people on here struggle with the idea that women can be mothers and earn high salaries.

Or alternatively they are accused of bragging.

I’m a single mother and high earner but I don’t talk about my salary on here, partly because it is a bit tacky but also because people have previously told me I am making it up.

Also this absolutely. It’s one thing if the AMA is genuinely fascinating (ie I was an ISIS bride).

Starting a thread inviting people to ask envious questions about your beautifully appointed townhouse and four children at Eton is embarrassing.

The high earner is presumably too busy working hard to maintain the high salary to spend all day posting shit on MN!

Another mis-conception. You can actually work less hard once you become quite senior and lots of more 'in the trenches' jobs like mine involve short bursts of working hard and plenty of time to piss about on the Internet if I want to. I also wfh most days and am posting at 8am before I start work as I'm not getting on and off trains today.

Yes v boring. It is not 1950.

I don’t deny that what you talk about happens. Or that there are women like you who do it all. I was just pointing out an alternative if an actual partnership as very few people seem to Consider it possible.

i have also had my own business previously but a client persuaded me to work with them as an employee and here I am.

I just get frustrated at women assuming that because you’re a director in a business with your H you’re only on the paperwork for “tax purposes”.

In any case I like threads written by SAHMs, as a SAHM myself who doesn't know many IRL. Sorry if that makes me a betrayer of the sisterhood or whatever.

I don't really get the alternative pov I'm afraid. The majority of people in this setup are doing it to take advantage of the woman's tax allowance I think. If you're not, because you have your own job, why are you doing his company admin? Why doesn't he just use an accountant? Ok maybe there's some benefits to being able to spread dividends across 2 directors and 2 tax returns, even if both are 40% tax payers, but it's still not the same as a company with 2 directors who are also both employees and both invoicing through the company. I don't get what makes this an 'actual partnership' if you aren't actually contributing to the profits of the company.

Those are so annoying. Even worse when someone chips in with their husband's opinion - when he has absolutely no specialist expertise beyond being a bloke. On a recent film discussion someone chipped in with their husband's view of the film, which was especially significant as he only liked clever women, not silly ones, apparantly. These women are so deeply conditioned that men's opinions just matter more, it is depressing.

@Yulona
Welcome to the sisterhood of SAHM!
As for the topic, all the women I know who earn more than my high earning DH don't have children or have nannies and housekeepers or a SAHD.
Our friend is a divorce lawyer and made my husband very aware that as I gave up my career (I earned more than him once) I would take a lot in a divorce.
One of my high earning friends wishes she was the SAHM as she would see her child grow up and not have to cancel holidays and weekends.

Of course it doesn't.

But personally I, as a single parent with career ambition, don't want to hear about how much someone's DH earns when looking for career advice.

It’s not an assumption about directors - it’s the conclusion we’ve drawn from the OP on the thread discussed, not a blanket statement re directors.

This is really interesting, thank you for taking the time to post and wishing you continued success. Agree that choice of industry is important , there are many where presenteeism is a must - it goes without saying that it holds women back no end.

Tbf I'm also drawing that conclusion from the fact that virtually all the women I know who talk about being company directors are non or low rate tax payers themselves and do a bit of admin for the company, although an accountant does the payroll and tax returns. Their husbands do the invoicable work of being plumbers, electricians, financial advisers, mortgage brokers, IT consultants, personal trainers etc. I can only think of one example (out of 100s of people over the years) of a limited company where the Director is a woman and the husband/partner works for the company, and both invoice, and that is my own.

I do know quite a few women who are high earners or run limited companies on their own though. It's this particular setup of putting the wife on the company as a tax efficiency or to avoid paying full accountancy fees that irritates me when they claim to be equal partners/high earners themselves

I earn the same as my husband currently, normal salaries, we are both mid 50sk but my next promotion will see me rise to £75-80k and his similar so depending on who gets there first, I could potentially earn more than him.

Until we had kids I out earned him by approx £10k. I do think having two mat leaves and changing career has meant I will always be roughly the same, even though I started higher.