To think there is never time to relax on weekdays ?

[LanaL]

Is it just me ?

No matter what I do , my evenings from getting in from work to going to bed are just non stop ?? I don’t stop from the minute I walk in until I fall in to bed !

Im a teacher . I leave work around 430 ( I’m a supply that’s the only reason I’m leaving that early lol ) . I get home and have to then vacuum , tidy breakfast bits , do a general daily clean , make lunches for the next day , iron for the next day ( children have drawers instead of wardrobes so I can’t do it all in one go on the weekend ) , do dinner , baths , showers , then it’s bedtime ! My husband gets home about 6 and he helps too so it’s not like I’m having to do it all myself but he works a lot longer hours than me and he works 6 days so I think it’s fair to take a bit more on myself . It doesn’t help that we both do Keto so lunches for work and evening meals aren’t a case of making sandwiches or throwing something in the oven , But even before we did that it was still as manic . I like to be in bed by 9/930 as I’m up at 530. Mornings are just as manic - I put a wash on overnight so I can put it out to dry first thing so it dries during the day and then I take it all off and put it away in the evening - another job . We also have a dog so have to fit in dog walks and we like to go to the gym but I can never find time or energy in the weekdays ! We go on a sat and sun and usually squeeze it in on a Monday too and we like to try to go again in the week - that’s always the plan- once the children are sorted , my eldest can watch them and it’s only 2 min away so realistically even just 40 mins we should be able to do but after Monday we’re usually too tired !

I am not moaning - I make choices to do a certain diet, I choose to go to the gym and I choose to do chores throughout the week so that weekends are relaxing . But even then the weekends are filled with bigger cleaning jobs or DIY , the weekly shop , activities for the kids etc … I usually have a Saturday night where we chill out but that’s it ( however our weekends are always productive and I enjoy them so I wouldn’t change it ! ) .

I count down to the school holidays - but as a supply teacher I’m not salaried so don’t get paid for holidays so therefore have to work a bit in them too ( I do only do 2 days a week in holidays as I need the time and I want to see my children so I’m lucky to have that time off but it’s no different to full time workers having annual leave ) . My poor husband gets no time off really - he’s agency , a good paid job , but agency, he does take some time off so we can do things but having no holidays it’s hard so he tends to feel guilty doing that knowing he loses a good chunk of money by doing it. We’re not poor , but we aren’t rich and we have debt so it’s a luxury for him to be able to take time off .

As I say it’s not a pity post - I’m grateful for everything I have and I have lots that many don’t have ( for a start I have a husband I can’t even imagine doing it all alone )

But am I alone here ? Does anyone else feel like it’s non stop ??

Couple of things leap out at me - do you vacuum every day? I’d ditch that.
how old are the children? Old enough to do the tidying up of breakfast bits?
Can you prepare more than one lunch at a time?

A lot of this is choice.

You don’t need to iron. Nobody needs to iron. Let it go.

You don’t need to hoover or tidy every day - how on earth is there any mess to clean or hoover everyday if you and your husband are at work all day?

Either batch cook, eat leftovers or pick a less time consuming diet. Put your children on school dinners so you don’t have to make lunches for them.

Get your shopping delivered, if possible or do a click and collect and one of you can pick up in your way home.

As for exercise and gym visits, can you alternate going in the mornings before work e.g take turns handling the school runs etc and spending time at the gym. Could your husband go to the gym at lunchtimes? Could you commute by bike instead? Go swimming as a family? Take turns handling the evening stuff at home while one of you goes to an exercise class?

We have two full time working adults, two children, a dog and a cat here and our evening are no where near as manic as your sound 😬

Yeah, this all sounds batshit tbh. You hoover everyday? We hoover once a week at best, more like 10 days. We clean a bit every weekend but our house is lived in and not spotless. We don't iron unless it's a formal occasion. We only have drawers.

You're cleaning far more than I do.

I do a quick tidy of the lounge and that's it most days.

We alternate bedtimes so I'm usually happily on the sofa with crochet/TV/Duolingo/reading by either about 6.45 or 8.15 depending if it's my right or not. DH cooks and I tidy kitchen but just takes about 4 minutes just before bed

Tidy breakfast bits in the morning

No ironing, fold neatly and it'll be fine

Depending on ages they don't need bath/showers every day

Daily clean? What does this consist of? You don't need to hoover every day

I have to agree with everyone else.
Why on earth are you vacuuming every day?
Why are you ironing?
Why are you counting 'tidying he breakfast things' as a job?

You hinted that your oldest keeps an eye on other dc when you go out, so we are presumably not talking about a 1 yr old and 3 yr old here, so why aren't they making their own lunches ?

I mean, I get working FT and running a home and bringing up dc is hard work - many of us have been there, done that and got the t-shirt, but this is the time of life to take a long look at what you are doing, that doesn't need doing.

Yes I have to do it every day , we have a lab and hair would be everywhere if I didn’t !

Children can’t really do it in the morning , 2 leave the house with me as I take them to childcare and the other leaves before me .

I did actually make some of the children’s lunches in advance this week and it helped !

I think you are over doing it too.

Fine if that is your choice but you could easily cut it down.

Ironing every day is a total waste of time for eg. Where are you storing the ironing pile? Just put the ironed stuff there.

How old are these kids? I have two toddlers and even they can manage tidying (the living room or kitchen, in your case) as part of the bedtime routine. Literally five minutes, everyone mucks in and tidies.

When you cook, make double. That’s tomorrow’s dinner sorted. Repeat the day after next.

I definitely have always had time to sit down for a couple of hours in the evening and I was a single parent most of my children’s childhood. My friend is like you and doesn’t sit down until 9/10pm and I often wonder why. I guess if you want to cook food for a special diet that’s going to take time but I definitely think that someone leaving work at 4.30pm should have some time in the evening. Though perhaps because you go to bed early (I do too) you’re sacrificing that sit down time for sleep.

Why are you both doing temp jobs that could en anytime? Sounds quite risky.

Agree that a lot of it is choice. I split for my exH last year and couldn't manage everything on my own. So I let things slide. Its amazing how little you notice a lot of this shit when you stop doing it. I stopped ironing school uniforms. Stopped hoovering and cleaning all the time. Food is what can get chucked in the airfryer etc. I now refuse to do any housework or cleaning on a Sunday. It's great.

I started to reply individually but then thought I would just do one post to answer a few things :

I have to iron every day and polish - we have a Labrador and his hair gets everywhere.

I have to iron , the clean clothes are folded and put away but they’re in drawers for the children and I’ve tried before they just don’t stay un creased - they have quite a lot of clothes and so it can be quite a squeeze to get it all in their drawers ( wardrobes are next on the list ) so it would be a waste of time ironing in bulk and I would rather do 10 min daily than spend an hour or so of my weekend ironing. The clothes I iron are not things that don’t need to be ironed , they are clothes that absolutely do and I would never send my children out in , or wear myself, unironed clothes .

Children aren’t toddlers , no. But 2 are too young to make their own lunches without letting my kitchen look like a bomb has gone off . Eldest yes he’s able to watch the youngers safely for an hour but he is autistic so his fine motor skills are affected and he struggles with the practicalities of making sandwiches so again easier if I can do it .He doesn’t have packed lunches It’s mainly my husband and I’d lunches that are the ones that take time - I wouldn’t be getting my children to make our lunches for us even if they could . I certainly don’t want my children having school dinners , they don’t eat it since the supplier changed as they don’t like it and even when they did they came home starving .

Loathe online shopping - prefer to go in and do it and I have to go out to the butchers for meat , eggs and cheese anyway .

Gym - it’s something I want to continue to do together anyway as it’s our time. We do go swimming together too as a family .

Im aware I’ve knocked back every suggestion - but believe me I have thought of all . I wouldn’t be doing it if it wasn’t necessary for my life ( eg I know I don’t have to clean that much and could do it at weekends but I don’t want to . I like having a clean and tidy house ) . I wasn’t asking for advice on how to change things I was just having a rant and wondering if other people’s evenings were the same x

After your update, yes my life was the same, but I stopped doing the needless shit and now it isn't.

When I worked out of the house it was a crazy eat sleep work repeat cycle, especially when the kids were little.
I don't iron at all, the kids made their own lunches from 8yo, DH vacuums once a week. I buy non iron shirts and hang them on their hanger to dry.

I'm a lone parent and the weeks are crazy. But ironing? Can you not get a small rail or use a door way (over the door hooks) to hang the shirts you iron at the weekend? I mean ironing every day is a nonsense.

I was a single parent of two ( 10 and 5 when first single) and worked ft term time 40 miles from home. Once home I made dinner, sort of cleared up and that was it for the evening apart from supervising baths and bed. I've never, once, in my life cleaned in the evening. However I'd get up ultra early before the children and do any jobs I needed to do ( hanging out washing etc) and cleaning was done on Saturday morning before children were up. I've always had hairy dogs too, hairs don't kill you. Oh and school uniforms were ironed on Sunday morning in a few minutes, nothing else.
It sounds like you're making a rod for your own back OP, life is so so short, why make it a chore? The children will remember the nights of snuggling on the sofa with a pizza and TV, I'm pretty sure you don't want their memories to be of their parents hoovering every evening

I iron the kid’s uniforms every day, they would be so creased if I didn’t (but usually do it in the morning). How do everybody’s clothes dry without creases?! Tell me your secrets!
Having a dog I also hoover regularly - maybe 3 times a week - but it’s school dinners all the way for us as making packed lunches kills my soul. Luckily I work irregular hours so my evenings are mainly free after kid’s bedtime, but I imagine I would be like you if I did 9-5 OP!

Buy a clothes rail for uniforms and iron everything for the week on Sunday.
Get a roomba
Batch cook
Tidy breakfast stuff before you leave

What time are you putting them to bed? Isn't there time between that and your bedtime?

I honestly don't mean to be rude but you do sound rather like my grandmother from the 1960s with comments like 'I could never let my children out of the house with unironed clothes', reminds me of those black and white documentaries when the women say 'Well that Elsie at number 75 hasn't washed her net curtains for three whole weeks, it's a scandal!'

Pp have given you loads of good ideas but it seems like your need for perfection won't allow you to slacken off enough to let you have a life.

I have 2 dc, one is severely autistic. I work ft and quite often am still on calls at 7pm. I don't iron anything, shopping is delivered twice a week. I have two very furry cats and hooover once a week. I do one load of laundry daily and it goes straight in the tumble dryer and is shaken out. You probably think I'm a total slob to be fair but I do get my evenings to relax! I don't go to the gym either, would rather watch Netflix.

Well, given that you're choosing to do a lot of unnecessary crap, it's hardly surprising that you feel busy. You can choose to stop but you don't want to. Fair enough.

I don't necessarily agree that you're not getting time to relax in the week though. Walking the dog and going to the gym are essentially leisure pursuits, just slightly more active ones. Yes, the dog is a responsibility now that you've got him, but presumably one that you took on because you enjoy it.

You're also getting eight and a half hours in bed which is probably more than a lot of people, so it's just about how you're choosing to use your time.

Stop ironing. It's school uniform. No one gives a toss but you. Hoover every other day.

Pick one day where they all have school dinner - it's a really nice break to not have to deal with packed lunch prep one night.

Got an online shop for the majority of what you need. You can pick up the rest in the butcher or whatever.

You're busy in the way that people looking for work are busy. None of it is mandatory.

I make sure I do housework every day except Sunday, on Sunday I only hoover and do the dishwasher, tidy the kitchen after dinner so I get a bit more rest.
I am like you, I hoover every day and I iron ect, I suppose it just depends on everyone's standards to what they do everyday, it wouldn't do for us all to be the same.
I have OCD so I regularly tidy drawers ect because I need things to be just so, but as I said I do the bare minimum on Sunday.
Also could you ask you husband to walk the dog as soon as he comes in from work. X

I had to buy an iron when the kids went through a Hama beads stage. It's the only time it has been used. They don't go out in wrinkled clothes.

Get a robot hoover.

You're making it hard for yourself.

Get a robot hoover, it will be enough to keep hairs at bay so you only need to do a big hoover twice a week.

Consider deliberately cooking more food than you need so leftovers are chucked in a box for lunch the next day.

Buy a clothes rail, they are really cheap and just hang everything on there. Don’t fold and put away and then get out and iron again, that’s crackers and a massive waste of time. If you hang it when damp and shake stuff lots of it will not need ironing. I have a rail built in to an area of my kitchen that’s retractable and have always done this. If you have clean uniform for your kids every day just stop it, do spot cleaning. I have a clothes steamer if something is very creased they get a quick steam but it’s rare.

Do an online shop occasionally for bulk stuff like pasta, loo rolls, tins and frozen food. You don’t need to inspect each item.

I have a couple of friends who have high standards, we are all coming up to 60 now. I have known one most of my life. If we could only look at a graph and it tell us how much time we had spent on every single activity down to the last second. Theirs would be a lifetime bloody cleaning. You never get those minutes back.