To think DD's Dad should help if he can?

[heartypres]

DD17 is doing A Levels and plans to go to university providing she gets the grades. Her Dad has always paid me maintenance (£150 a month) and has never contributed towards anything else for her.

DD came home from her Dad's at the weekend and said she had heard her Dad and his wife talking. His wife had said to him that it's not much longer that he'll have to pay me maintenance and it'd be good to have the extra cash each month. My ex then said that he was planning on using the money each month to help DD at university (so send it to her rather than me). His wife said absolutely not, DD needs to fend for herself once at university.

DD is a little upset. Although she plans on getting a job whilst there, she knows that I was planning on sending her a small monthly allowance and I think she assumed her Dad would help too.

Who is being unreasonable here?

Are you nuts? They couldn’t wait till she wasn’t there? Apart from which it’s hardly a bloody fortune, the dd is still in education and it’s the least her dad could do.

Absolutely.

No he won't.

I would go through courts regardless truthfully! You may want to "keep the peace" but you are depriving your daughter of money for her upbringing. £150 is absolutely nothing!

I feel your pain, most NRPs do this. Because, as we all know, DCs magically do not cost one penny the second they reach 18.

It's just hurtful realising they've been waiting for this day for your child to no longer be a financial burden rather than any deeper genuine care to the child/young adult.

That is very little time and not a lot of money for you to bring up your dd basically alone! Even in the free fees days of university my parents helped out, even though I worked holidays and tried to minimise the amount. Uni is so expensive now, the amount of debt students come out with is awful so anything to help does help. You don't stop being responsible for a dc at age 18 if they're studying, no magic button to turn from 17 to 18 to suddenly changes their lives. His partner doesn't seem to understand that and sounds selfish or needs the extra money, but he has responsibilities still.

He could have had her 50/50 and pay nothing.
Unsurprisingly he chose not to do that.
Crap dad who's likely shortchanged you his half of raising his child to the tune of hundreds of thousands over the years.
No doubt failed to put away any savings for her in lieu of this either that he could now give her.

She will always remember if her Dad doesn’t help her. Not contributed much over the years anyway by the sound of it.

@Sunnnybunny72 No he hasn't put any savings away for her - I asked him once. I set up an ISA for DD when she was 5 and have paid a little in to it every month since then so she'll definitely have a bit to help at university!

This is on OP though.
She should've fought for CMS if he doesn't have 50/50
It's on him if he doesn't pay, but mums need to at least try to fight for what is rightfully their child (bearing in mind CMS doesn't even near cover what it costs to raise a child!)

The new wife. Nothing to do with her.

@heartypres

Wait… amount he said he could pay? Or is it actually calculated from his salary using the legal minimum set by CMS? Did you let him just pick a random figure? Or did you go to the CSA (now CMS) and have it done properly?

@WarshipRocinante No we didn't go through the CSA. £150 is what he said he could afford so I went with it.

Her father should give her the £150. It's tough for young peopke to survive financially nowadays. Her stepmother should not have married someone with children.

wow some of the comments on here, please ignore them! Of course they would listen and be upset. My daughter is not impressed with her Dad for the exact same reasons. Anyone that thinks a father’s responsibility ends after they turn 18 when they are going to university needs to give their head a wobble!
He is obliged to contribute to university but you would need to go through the courts to get this agreed. It has to be done before the child turns 18 or they have to do it themselves.

DD won her dad over and he's promised to pay her £300pm. Never ever thought that would happen.

There is hope @heartypres

Wrong.
Why do people confidently state things that are untrue?

I'm NC with my dad for various reasons, but during university he always helped me. Whether it was paying deposits for student flats, lending me money when needed or putting money in my pocket and telling me when I got back to my halls.

I think that if our children decide to go to uni we should help if and when we can - I see it as part of the commitment we make when we decide to have children.

The rule in my house was always to get some support if we were in full time education and I plan on doing the same for my kids.

Others may think you're out on your own when you're 18 and I get it, but just from a mums point of view, I'd like to do what I could to help them, regardless of age - parenting doesn't stop at 18.