To think DD's Dad should help if he can?

[heartypres]

DD17 is doing A Levels and plans to go to university providing she gets the grades. Her Dad has always paid me maintenance (£150 a month) and has never contributed towards anything else for her.

DD came home from her Dad's at the weekend and said she had heard her Dad and his wife talking. His wife had said to him that it's not much longer that he'll have to pay me maintenance and it'd be good to have the extra cash each month. My ex then said that he was planning on using the money each month to help DD at university (so send it to her rather than me). His wife said absolutely not, DD needs to fend for herself once at university.

DD is a little upset. Although she plans on getting a job whilst there, she knows that I was planning on sending her a small monthly allowance and I think she assumed her Dad would help too.

Who is being unreasonable here?

Why is he suddenly not able to contribute what he always has? It is his responsibility as parents are expected to contribute if the student doesn't get a full loan.

My view is that she overheard the first conversation they've had about this, so it'll likely evolve to something between the two positions. It's a shame she overheard but she should be expecting to work 16 hours at university and anything a parent gives is a bonus.

She should get support from any parent with income over the limit. Including him.

Is that maintenance based on income? If it is he must only earn around £15k a year. I’m not sure I’d expect a parent earning £15k to contribute to my university fees.

If he earns more than that he’s already unreasonable as he should be paying more now

@Cheeseismyfavourite No it's not based on income, just what he's always wanted to pay.

So he gets to underpay child maintenance ‘because he wants to’?

Oh, of course he should be contributing! I can't believe this "she shouldn't have been listening" "it's up to him" bullshit!

OP the dad is being an arse if he can afford it and decides not to on the whim of his new wife.

It’s not too late to apply through the CMS now, she’s still at school. Do you know what his job is and roughly what he earns?

Go through CMS and get the correct amount. He will then have to continue paying till she's 21 if she goes to uni.

Throughout our 20 yr marriage X was adamant our children would need to pay their own way at uni like we did. he's been pretty clear and I'm surprised he hasn't made it clear to DD by now too. That's where this all falls down. If a parent doesn't want to contribute or cannot contribute then this needs to be a discussion from an early age during secondary school

Heartbreaking. How lucky was I to have my own dad help and be proud and interested and supportive and critical and a pita and a rock (still is) rather than cut the strings the moment I turned 18. It's not about the money.

It's difficult to answer without knowing your exhb circumstances. How well off are they? Does ex still give money to other dd? Some parents either can't afford to help 18 year old children, or think they're old enough to earn their own way.

I can't speak for the OP, but XH didn't want to be educated 7 years before it was relevant to him as to how different uni funding is these days compared to when we went.

It was a discussion I was going to have with him when children went to college and uni may have been in their future.

Things ended before that happened.

And he has moved on from his daughter, so why would he initiate the conversation? I've told her it's on her to start the conversation with her dad.

It makes me so cross that 18yr olds are considered adults in every way, but their uni loan amount is based on their parents income.

And the parent can choose to top it up, they don't have to. In these times, many parents have nothing to spare in the budget.

Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.

If a parent does not contribute it's calculated on resident parents income, so child will be eligible for higher maintenance loan. If both parents contribute ( doing the right thing) then maintenance loan is lower.

I have a son in uni. It's calculated on the RESIDENTS parent's income. So the people the student lives with. My sons fathers income was totally irrelevant to his student loan.

Parental contribution from the non resident parent is irrelevant
Maintenance loans are assessed on resident parent income only

Just another way men are let off the hook. I've no doubt that my own DD's dad will find himself unable to "help" when the time comes.
It's good that he wants to continue contributing but to think he's paid £150 a month all these years is disgusting.

@OhamIreally If it hadn't of been for my parents offering to help out with the expensive stuff (secondary school uniform, driving lessons), I'm not sure what I would have done!

If he is only paying £150 a month when he only takes her 4 nights a month then he must be on a very very low salary.

He and his wife will have to sort out their budget, and your daughter needs to speak to them to find out what or if they can afford to contribute to her uni costs. Some families don’t contribute to their adult kids at uni. I think it’s wrong snd that you scrimp elsewhere so you can help your kids, but lots don’t. She needs to talk to them.

They didn’t have to have that kind of conversation when she was there it’s really unkind they did that and probably intentional I expect

Why does he pay so little CMS? Did you go through the courts?

@ladykale No we didn't go through the courts. That's just the amount he said he could pay!

In that case, if he refuses to help w/ uni, I’d be tempted to go though the courts to get back pay on the basis of underfunding (if this is even allowed, or at least full funding going forward) and use that to help DD fund her Parental Contribution. I’m a budgeter who tracks my purchases, so I can tell you exactly how much I spend each month on raising DC -it averages out to £545 (and this is only 1/2–DH and I have separate finances, so the £545 is only my portion)! £150 is a joke!

It might be unfair, but it could be that he doesn’t have to pay once DD reaches 18. A solicitor might be able to advise you properly.