Husband's night out

[mlrp1234]

Hiya, I wondered if I could ask for some advice? My DH went out last night with a friend who has lost their father, which is fine. However, he was so drunk when he got home at 1.20 that he fell onto the sofa and fell asleep, at 2.00 he was vomiting in the bathroom, I went to see if he needed help and he responded by telling me that he didn't need or want me in his life. I went back to bed because our 13 month old LB had woken up, I cleaned up after DH this morning. When DH woke up, he was angry and still seemed drunk, I asked him not to drive to work, and said that he should maybe ring in sick and stay in bed, I received a torrent of venom and nastiness about trying to control him (I saw it as my protecting my husband from arrest or incident).
He continued his tyrade of shouting and telling me how much I had ruined his life and left to walk to work.
Last night's behaviour has affected both mine and LO's sleep which in turn has altered our plans.
I am now in a predicament of not knowing what to do.

I would message him and tell him that as he doesn’t want or need you then he shouldn’t bother coming home tonight and that his behaviour is disgusting and unacceptable to you.

Give yourself some time and space to consider what’s next. Is this a blip? Have things been bad for a while? Those words must have really hurt you OP so hunker down and put yourself and your little person first.

Is it a one off? Is he usually normal and nice?

I’d be pissed off but if he’s usually fine and sobers up and is normal again, I’d move on.

We don't normally see each other, most nights he comes to bed at 1ish after gaming and more moderate drinking.
We only see each other at dinner time and a Saturday (occasional Sunday's too), his life hasn't changed since LO.

He has always had beers most nights and the more he drinks, the more negative he becomes.
I am going to stay with family for a few days

He's an abusive alcoholic. Get your son away from him before it impacts his life even more.

Wow...well, when he says he doesn't want you in his life you should probably take that at face value, as you have no family life together really.

I'm sure you must know this isn't what a relationship is meant to be like; time to start the process of moving on from him.

Wow! I think I would be putting an end to this sham of a marriage. You don’t see him and he spends his time drinking and gaming. Not as if you’re going to miss him. Do yourself a favour OP.

You’re moving out????

I just don’t understand why a woman finds an abusive, heavy drinking, game-playing- adult -child an attractive life partner.

You're an adult so can choose to put up with whatever abuse and lack of respect you choose but why would you want that life for your child? They deserve better.

It sounds like you live separate lives already OP? He sounds awful to be blunt, does he add anything positive to your life or your DC? Poor you, sounds crap.

LTB immediately

Was it a male friend he went out with or a female? Do you know them?

To be fair, it doesn't sound as if he treats you very well most of the time, so would it be so much different if you were on your own?

I agree with PP, deadbolt the door and tell him not to bother coming home if that's how he feels.

Is this your first child?

Ugh, get shot of this loser before he wrecks your life and that of your child. He's a functioning alcoholic and things will only get messier. He either gets help to stop drinking or the marriage is over. I've witnessed at close hand how marriage to an alcoholic pans out and it's not pretty, there is no happy ending.

Move out and move on. He detests you and the life he is living. Don’t raise your child with this miserable man.

So you only see him Saturday’s for dinner and the occasional Sunday?

Kindly OP, what do you get out of this relationship?

His life hasn't changed since having LO....so he was like this beforehand too? He's a catch!

He was always a gamer but we had nights out, movie nights, days out together, weekends away, but since LO arrived my life has become very different and he has retreated into drinking and gaming every night after work.
There is no us anymore.

He wasn’t as ensconced in his gaming and drinking until LO arrived.
It's just dawned on me as I read messages from people that he might have paternal post natal depression.

Nope

He's just a dick

Get rid of him you deserve better

Yeah right, he's just a nasty person stop making excuses for him.

You and your child deserve better than him. He doesn’t value you or the child. Get legal advice, get documents like birth certificates, marriage certificate and bank statements and take them to your parents house. Then make a plan to get rid of him. Is the house rented or mortgaged, do you have an income?

Paternal postnatal depression? Nope. He's just an abusive prick.

I'm prepared to get flamed for this but "paternal post natal depression" sorry no I refuse to believe this is a thing. Everything that a woman goes through during pregnancy and childbirth, and most of the time ends up being the default parent and doing everything, while the man's life hardly changes, and then when they do maybe have to do something for the child or possibly get their sleep disturbed occasionally they can't cope?! I'm partly talking from experience here and I know others in the same boat, definitely not saying all men are like this.