Husband's night out

[mlrp1234]

Hiya, I wondered if I could ask for some advice? My DH went out last night with a friend who has lost their father, which is fine. However, he was so drunk when he got home at 1.20 that he fell onto the sofa and fell asleep, at 2.00 he was vomiting in the bathroom, I went to see if he needed help and he responded by telling me that he didn't need or want me in his life. I went back to bed because our 13 month old LB had woken up, I cleaned up after DH this morning. When DH woke up, he was angry and still seemed drunk, I asked him not to drive to work, and said that he should maybe ring in sick and stay in bed, I received a torrent of venom and nastiness about trying to control him (I saw it as my protecting my husband from arrest or incident).
He continued his tyrade of shouting and telling me how much I had ruined his life and left to walk to work.
Last night's behaviour has affected both mine and LO's sleep which in turn has altered our plans.
I am now in a predicament of not knowing what to do.

I would not put up with this behaviour even as a drunken one off. It’s a sign of who he really is.

Paternal postnatal depression??? WTF?!

I know there's a need to label absolutely everything these days but 9 times out of 10, the situation really is as simple as it looks. He's a selfish, alcoholic manchild who can't be bothered with his wife or child.

This with bells on - paternal post natal depression my arse 😂Jesus I have heard it all now!

Sounds like a few days away is a good idea to work out details

I would leave, you don’t deserve this and your child definitely doesn’t deserve this. Do you have the means to leave him? Somewhere you can stay till you get on your feet? You need to figure out an exit plan

Paternal postnatal depression? Stop fooling yourself. He's a selfish man taking refuge in alcohol and virtual reality, rather than stepping up to being a supportive husband and attentive father.

And I don't understand how you can read posts from a woman who finds her husband's behaviour so unacceptable she's now leaving and imagine she finds him 'attractive'. Anyone with the meanest intellect can surely conclude from reading the OPs posts that this behaviour is not attractive to her.

OK so post natal depression doesn't affect men because they aren't post natal. What can affect men is adjustment disorder after the birth of a child. But because it's not hormonal in nature, it's about adjusting to a very new life, you'd expect men to get it who actually have a new life.

Yours is drinking a bit more and gaming a bit more. He isn't doing any care for the baby so what's he actually adjusting to?

He's a lazy problem drinker who is mean to you. Unless he wants to change, and it doesn't seem that he does, I would be prioritising you and the baby's wellbeing and ignoring his.

You have said both that his life hasn't changed at all since having LO, and also that you think he's suffering paternal PND from the upheaval to his life since baby. You must be able to see that these two statements can not co exist.

Paternal post-natal depression my arse. Stop making excuses for his abusive behavior. He's another man-child who can't handle adult responsibilities.

Please stop looking for excuses for his vile behaviour. Pack yours and baby's stuff and leave, you don't deserve to be treated that way and he sounds potentially dangerous. Not a safe environment for bringing up your baby. Can you live with family for a while?

AS MN would say, 'Get your ducks in a row' first then decide the best course of action, you leave or him.

Paternal postnatal depression? Poor lamb

I've heard it all now!

Oh fgs come on OP he doesn’t have PND! That’s an insult to those who actually do/have struggled with it.

your husband is just a horrible selfish twat who doesn’t care about you and your son. That’s who he is. You need to realise this and get away from him, if not for your sake then your sons because he will grow up to think your husbands behaviour is normal and acceptable.

It sounds like he's having a great time sat on his arse, gaming and drinking!

Just quoting this because you need to keep seeing it, @mlrp1234. Yes, go and stay with your parents. Catch up on your sleep. Then, I hope you'll advise the selfish, unhelpful alcoholic you share a house with to fuck off and live his teenage lifestyle elsewhere.

Whatever his problem is OP, it's not yours to fix. It's time to end this and focus on yourself.

I was going to answer yabu as you don't know what to do.
Mumsnet speak LTB.
This is not going to get any better drunken pig.
Get your strength together it's an existence for you not a life and not good for you or your son.x

For god’s sake, whatever you take from this, do NOT let it be that extra support from him is a problem that you need to take on. You think he’s struggling with fatherhood but he does not seem to be even attempting to parent. If he needs help with that, that is for him to acknowledge and deal with, it’s not your job. You need an equal not another person to look after.

That should say extra support FOR him!

Or he may just be a lazy, abusive drunkard who can’t cope with family life. Babies can be hard work. You’re doing all that work while he drinks and games.

Depression isn’t an excuse for abuse. You could suggest he sees his GP. But it looks more to me as if he just doesn’t like being a father.

You need to talk. Tell him clearly that you’re not happy, and remind him that he’s a husband and father and needs to step up. Listen to him too.

If he’s prepared to pull himself together, you may have a chance of rebuilding your marriage. But to be honest, it sounds as if you’d be better off without him.

Male pnd is depression that coincides with a baby, usually as a result of the swift and dramatic change in lifestyle (eg pausing hobbies, no free time, less socialising etc) and sleepless nights. Your husband has experienced none of this, he is carrying on as before so very unlikely he is suddenly depressed

Don't be daft. He's just a dick who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Seeing as he seems to be too much of a coward to do it himself, you're going to have to end it.

Leave The Bastard.

I felt like this one deserved it fully spelled out.

This is hugely damaging behaviour for your child to grow up around. It is also completely unacceptable for him to treat YOU this way; but please hold onto how damaging this will be for your child to grow up with, and let that knowledge spur you on to leave this man.