To feel constantly embarrassed of myself?

[mrlistersgelfbride]

I feel embarrassed all the time about my awkwardness. Being an introvert. Things I've said and done. Comments I've made. Conversations I've had. My voice. My mannerisms. I kick myself for my behaviour every day. I cringe about things I've said.
I feel so embarrassed about so many things I've done 😅
Is this normal? I'm afraid of being myself, almost of being human. But conversely I'm an open book type, an over sharer by nature but I wish I wasn't . It's just my personality.
I have a good job, decent friends, a daughter.
I just hate how I'm not confident and self assured like others. I've tried to build my confidence up my entire adult life, I'm 39 now and not sure I have much hope of changing.
Anyone else feel like this?

I had this sort of feeling but it was related to ADHD turns out.

@InterestedinEfteling I have wondered about that .

Over sharing is a huge part of ADHD in my experience. I was diagnosed age 37 and when I thought back through my life I could remember instances of inattentive ADHD behaviour as far back as age 6.

It sounds to me as though you need some counselling to help you have a more honest and positive opinion of yourelf, less anxiety and more confidence.

I've always been like this too. Bizarrely, the only way to get over it is to accept yourself as you are.

Is there any reason you can identify why your self-esteem is so poor?

Yes, me but mainly at work. Constantly playing things over in my mind and cringing. I feel I’m either over-sharing, showing off or being a miserable cow. I don’t seem to be able to just be myself, especially with people more senior to me, although in the grand scheme of things I really don’t give a shit what they think. I just feel that I behave oddly.

I’m the same and I think about a conversation I’ve had or how I came across or what I said for hours after the actual conversation

This was me either quite hyper and probably over confident, miserable or over sharing as you've said. My ADHD diagnosis has helped me accept me for who I am and it gave me a sense of relief.

Sorry to add I'm not saying you have ADHD but just that your post resonated with me.

You're not alone. I've come out with some corkers in my time. Looking back to school onwards I think there's some ADD with me. It's settled after menopause.

Please be kind to yourself OP. I agree maybe some counselling could help? I'm pretty confident but were I not I'd probably be similar to you. Overthinking about the past.

Make the most of your future. We all learn by our mistakes and experiences 💐

I'm the same, especially after I have spoken at work to someone more senior to me. Always feel like I must have seemed like an idiot.

However, my feedback is always good and people seem to like me and I get great appraisals. So it must be in my own head somewhat.

I’m exactly the same. Also ADHD. It’s awful. I lie awake at night embarrassed by my mere existence on the planet.

Nooo don't say that. I bet you're lovely. It's your head talking. Give it another script. Have you tried positive affirmations in the mirror? It'll feel weird at first but eventually rewires your thinking. Has someone in your past made you feel this way?

I'm the same. No diagnosis but I know some people think I'm weird. Do you have friends who like you? I bet you do. Accept that not everyone will understand you, but some will, and will love you. I opened up to someone in a hobby group, someone who I knew also felt she didn't fit in, and she told me I was a benefit to the group, always had interesting things to contribute, etc. So that was good to hear. As a pp said, try to learn from your mistakes (overshared to Susan? Keep it to the weather when you see her again). As for worrying about it - nah! If people don't 'get' you it's their loss!

That's an interesting point about someone making you feel that way. Maybe our parents felt we didn't measure up to their ideal. Or a previous partner tried to bring us down.

Thanks everyone for the replies I wasn't expecting so many. Glad to know I'm not alone but sorry to hear others are struggling too.
@KellyanneConway You have hit the nail on the head- work is the worst source of embarrassing scenarios! That's exactly me! I'm embarrassed by how I've behaved and cringing at what I said.

I've had counselling before and it didn't help. I didn't warm to the counsellor! Talking about it didn't help I can't seem to stop saying embarrassing things and my odd mannerisms. But then I'm not sure if I'm that odd or if it's low self esteem.
I don't ever remember not being like this.
I can have fun, enjoy myself even put on a confident front but it's always there lurking when I've not had the best day or doubting myself.

Yes. I feel constantly embarrassed to the point of humiliation.
I also can’t stand embarrassment in comedy programmes. I think I just have a low threshold for it like a low pain threshold.
You seem to have done quite well though so keep thinking of your successes

But what exactly are these embarrassing things and ‘odd mannerisms’? I mean, are you the only one who appears to be aware of them? Or it’s like another current thread where a 40 year old woman habitually uses baby language at work…? (I’m assuming not. I’m just wondering, if you’re aware of the things you are referring to as liable to embarrass you, why you don’t refrain from doing them, or whether you only decide it’s embarrassing retrospectively?)

I don’t feel at all embarrassed for myself, but I share your zero tolerance for other people’s embarrassment, in RL or on ‘comedy’ programmes. Anything that involves hoaxing or prancing is unbearable to me.

I think you're right it must be part of our personalities. I should be mortified about some of the things I've said. I do regret some things but know I wouldn't do them now. Some people keep making the same mistakes.

In reference to odd mannerisms, I sometimes try to be funny by being self depreciating and then I kick myself later as it comes across as weird.
Ie. Today I was doing something at work when I was in a room on my own and said to the person who came in ...I'm not being weird I'm just doing X and in the conversation that followed I brought it up again and said I WAS weird 😂 I don't know why I do it to myself it's like I don't have a filter.

Check out the social anxiety leaflet here, might help https://web.ntw.nhs.uk/selfhelp/

'I just hate how I'm not confident and self assured like others' @mrlistersgelfbride , at least half of those 'confident and self assured' peoploe are feeling the same you do, I guarantee it.

Feeling this is not unusual, but it's also not right or helpful. I know this is just a post from some rando and is hardly going to solve all your problems, but my life got much easier when I realised that other people think about me 1000%, yes 1000% less than I think about myself.

Are you always running over in your head 'stupid' things other people have done and said?

No, you're not.

This is not because everyone else has their shit together and has never done or said anything they find cringe-inducing, it's that no one else has noticed. Or maybe they noticed and didn't think much about it and forgot about it 10 minutes later

Sounds just like me, recently found I have ADHD. Relief in some ways but difficult in others as I realised that I’ve spent most of my life feeling guilty/disorganised/socially inept when there was an actual reason underlying it all.

I can relate to this too OP. I had a work meeting yesterday and on my way home I was thinking 'why did I say that?' and cringing. I felt embarrassed going into work this morning. I do this a lot. I even feel embarrassed about some of the things I write on here (I might even cringe about this post later).
@Echobelly your post is very helpful x