To feel constantly embarrassed of myself?

[mrlistersgelfbride]

I feel embarrassed all the time about my awkwardness. Being an introvert. Things I've said and done. Comments I've made. Conversations I've had. My voice. My mannerisms. I kick myself for my behaviour every day. I cringe about things I've said.
I feel so embarrassed about so many things I've done 😅
Is this normal? I'm afraid of being myself, almost of being human. But conversely I'm an open book type, an over sharer by nature but I wish I wasn't . It's just my personality.
I have a good job, decent friends, a daughter.
I just hate how I'm not confident and self assured like others. I've tried to build my confidence up my entire adult life, I'm 39 now and not sure I have much hope of changing.
Anyone else feel like this?

This was me until I started sertraline. Completely got rid of it. Amazing! I'm calm, confident, capable. I don't think everyone hates me. I don't ruminate over "stupid" things I've said. It's so freeing.
I've also been in private therapy for 4 years but it's really been the sertraline.

I could have written your post, you sound exactly like me.

I feel exactly like that. If you are talking to me you will know everything about me in like 5 minutes, I cant help myself. Baffles me as I'm such an introvert.

If I am talking too long though, I suddenly become hyper aware that I am talking and seem to develop a lisp. Almost like my brain is so desperate to make me shut up it tries to remove my ability to speak.

I have spent my whole life hearing people say to me 'don't be so hard on yourself' yet I never feel like I am being hard on myself at all. I worry that people will feel I am fishing for compliments, but the thought of being complimented brings me out in a rash. I almost feel like I need to make sure everyone knows I despise myself because I wouldn't want anyone thinking that I was happy with myself.

I hate things like reapplying lipstick in a public bathroom because I think other women will be thinking 'omg, what's the point? Lipstick is not going to be enough to glitter that turd'

I have always tried to fit in, to be the person that I think the person I am friends with wants me to be. I am in my 40's and I honestly do not know who I am because of it.