Adult sister refusing to pay bills at parents house aibu?

[itsraining2024]

She's 30 and a teacher. Lives there with unemployed husband who has just moved in. With cost of living bills are high. Asked her to pay water gas and electric this month 500 quid. Next month would only be electric. She says she'd pay then in return asks my dad for his bank statements from me (I'm dads carer and manage all his finances bills appointments etc for more than 10 years). She hasn't paid and claims dad said it's okay to pay later (he didn't) but suddenly dad said can u send me bank statements. I said okay that's fine so long as she sends me her bank statements. She ended up crying and we all kicked off.

She pays for her own food. Decor she sits fit in the house. She decided to replace the carpets and do the bathroom up (all wasn't needed). It's like she has to have control. But doesn't want to contribute for things she sure such as gas electric and water. Adult parents are pension age.

Is this another one of those threads where the OP fears favouritism and is pressuring their parent to add a punitive set of financial requests to their sibling, all in the name of “fairness”?

£500 seems very high for bills, or are you chasing a back payment? Is this why she needs to see the bank statements because she thinks you are padding the figure somewhat? Quite frankly her bank statements are irrelevant and I don’t know why you asked.

What was the agreement she had with your father? And if he has asked her to stay for a bit and hasn’t asked for money then that is his business.

If someone asked me for £500 out of the blue I’d be scrabbling around a little too.

£500 is a lot to ask if they're paying for their own food on top.

Why is she spending money on changing the interior.

What happeneds to her and her DH if your father can no longer live there for whatever reason, will she take over as tenant/owner?

If your dad requires a carer then presumably it is useful for her to be there and she has taken over some of this responsibility. If it is helpful for her to be there then her contribution should be minimal unless your parents desperately need the money

It’s none of you’re business. You’re being weird and resentful.

£500 is not too much for TWO adults!

Does your dad not want them to move out?

Of course it’s OP’s business if her dad is being coerced or bullied. She needs to look out for him as she’s her dad’s carer.

OP, could you get power of attorney?

Don't see what business it is of yours to ask for her bank statements but I can see why she needs to see the history of how much energy etc has been used so she can work out whether your demands are reasonable or not.

Her bank statements have nothing to do with it. Have you shown her the actual bills you want her to pay a share of? 500 seems high (although I don't know about water bills), and it's a suspiciously round number. It's reasonable that she pays a proportion of the bills (the split to be agreed), not that you demand a set sum "for the bills".

The £500 for bills, especially if the unemployed husband is lounging around all day, is a reasonable amount as it doesn't sound like she's paying rent.

Not if that is the sum total of the living costs for two people. £250 a month each for accommodation, heating, lighting, other utility usage, broadband, council tax, water!

That's why they need to see the usage history. If bills have traditionally been £480 a month (based on old usage but calculated at current rates) it seems unfair to expect her to pay more than £20 extra.

Asked her to pay water gas and electric this month 500 quid.

What? Water about £40, Gas & Electric £460?? Are you living in a castle OP?

Or are you exaggerating the bills to get some money out of them? No way their contribution to bills can be £500 for the month? How much are the bills?

The OP specifically says that it is £500 for water, electricity and gas. It isn’t for rent and so to most of us who aren’t heating a palace £500 does seem high. If it is just a split of the water, gas and electricity then that implies that this house is spending £1000 on those three bills. If that was being told to me, I’d want to check the bills too!!!

Do you think she is attempting to financially exploit your dad?
What does she need his bank statements for?

Is it the three of them there: your dad, sister and bil living there?
If so are you saying the total water, gas and electric is £750 (£250 each) per month? Because that’s insane.

Also, she’s his daughter too: Why can’t she see his bank statements of he’s happy for her too? If your dad’s wishes are for her to see the statements then you shouldn’t be withholding them.

OP refers to “her parents” being pension age- so I assume that means mum and dad. So I’d split the bills 4 ways- making gas, water and electric at £1000 for the month 😱

To check the OP isn’t taking the piss when she says her dad is spending £750-1000 a month on bills

I wouldn't be paying any bills anywhere without seeing them first. That just seems common sense. I also wouldn't be showing my bank statements. How are those any of your business?

So she is living rent free and slowly taking over the place. Red flags here.

£500 for her and husband is very reasonable. Although I suspect she won't want to cough up anything.

It would be reasonable if it was for rent. For their share of (alleged) utility bills though you can’t think it’s reasonable?

£500 is so cheap. She’s a CF

OP has included more information in her other thread about this
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5032299-adult-sister-taking-advantage-of-parents

If your Dad is no longer living there on his own he would no longer get the 25 percent reduction on his council tax. I can see this is adding additional costs plus water, electricity and gas for an extra 2 people. Is it £500 a month though? If they are buying their own food.