What do you honestly do all day…

[Thechatteringofthebirds]

If your a Sahm with dc at school?

Not a bashing thread, as this is sort of me and curious what others do

My Dd has just started school full time, so those days of being together all day, play date meet ups during the week daytime, days out etc are now gone 😩
I do work, but only two evenings per week and one weekend morning at the moment.
On a day of the week I plan for the times I teach, aside from that, I drop off, walk my dog, some tidying and washing (have a cleaner every fortnight) watch tv, read…then pick Dd up, go to the beach, walks, do her reading, dinner, bath, school things etc. What else do you do?
In September I’ll pick up more days and hours, but for these last few months I want to make sure I make the most of it.
What do you do or would do if you could?

It's not COVID times anymore...what do you want us to do...stand on our doorstep and clap for them?

I stay at home all day whilst my dcs are at school.

I willingly admit that I have quite an easy life now they’re all at high school - I even disclosed that I sometimes go back to bed when the dcs have left 🤷‍♀️

What I don’t understand is why anyone would get upset or be judgemental that I, and others, do this. If it works for our family and my dh is happy with the fact that everything home-wise is taken care of by me and he can use all his energy on his business then why would it irk anyone else?
DH has never had to take a day off to look after a sick child/leave in the middle of something important in order to pick a vomiting child up from school then clean up said vomit for 48 hours, he’s never had to prep and cook a meal, put a load of washing in, change bed linen, scrub a toilet, drag the hoover round, take dcs to doctors/dentist/opticians, attend a parents evening if he doesn’t want to, wait in for tradespeople/deliveries, go to the supermarket, lug the shopping into the car and then the house, put it away etc, has never been to the vets, the post office, to pick up prescriptions, buy anyone including his own family a birthday/Christmas/anniversary present or even remember anyone’s special occasions (in fact he doesn’t even remember his own dcs birthdates when quizzed), he doesn’t have to do any diy, change a lightbulb, empty litter trays and clean up cat shit, clean spills out of the carpet, do all the prep and planning for children’s/teen parties and then do the majority of clearing up afterwards.

No, he literally go’s to work and sits in a nice comfy chair all day on his computer whilst his coffee is usually brought to him. Then he comes home to a nice meal made by someone else and then goes and watches tv or reads and puts his feet up for the evening.

Yes he earns the money and his job requires brainpower that mine doesn’t - but I’ve worked all my life and now the dcs are older and I can chill a bit more I don’t feel in the least bit guilty - I’ve more than done my bit and I don’t feel like now going and getting a job stacking shelves in Tesco’s is something I need to do. I deserve a bit of a bloody rest after raising 4 dcs almost singlehandedly!

Exactly.

For 12 years I was a full time teacher. Dropped my baby off at the childminder at 7:20am and then picked her up at 5pm. Since having my second I jacked it all in and now stay at home looking after him and generally taking care of the house. I put something in the slow cooker first thing then take him out somewhere in the morning. We come home for lunch and then he sleeps whilst I clean/ do life admin/ paint. My OH comes home around 3 so he plays with the baby whilst I go for a run or a walk, then he will go for a run or a bike ride whilst I sort dinner. I can’t believe people struggle to see what sahms do all day. I could fill my days three times over if I had the time!

@theworldie

What I don’t understand is why anyone would get upset or be judgemental that I, and others, do this.

Indeed. I’ve never heard one sensible explanation for why people get so wound up about it.

I work full time and don't really miss the part time / not working days to be honest! I find myself far more efficient with cooking, shopping and household admin now I don't have days on end to do it.

I did used to socialise a lot, so lunches and coffees. I also did some of the bigger household jobs like decluttering.

I used to go to the gym or walk at 9 after school drop and I miss that as I now have to get up early to fit it in at 6 before work!!

I basically put all the energy I used to put into my job into my family.
So crazy decorative schemes for random days - yep that's me celebrating Day of the Dead.
Amazing quirky presents, random post to uni child, that's me.
We're short on days to all meet up, I make them really memorable then send photos randomly so we all remember.
DH goes to work and earns a fuck ton of cash, then we rip the piss out of the paymasters and go for a walk on the beach.
I keep our outgoings minimal so DH can, if he chooses retire early.
There's another thread about women in their 50s totally burnt out - I don't feel like that, I feel energised by my home, my loved ones.
I don't give a shit about the defunct hotel chain my mum gave her all for. I feel sad when I drive past the factory that made my dad deaf and gave him asbestos.
I've had the high stress, well paid job and it's tricky when you give that up knowing what to say but honestly my Easter Bunny decorations are going to be crazy this year.

I don't think you should be asking ppl about whether they are reasonable or not! It's none of their business to know anything! It's your life, your choice and certainly not up for a debate to people who you don't even know?
All those other people are just going to compare and in most instances you're going to allow them to have an opinion! Why? What for? Does it matter? None of it's relevant to others.... Do what you feel is more like it!! Give it up!

This is insane! On every other thread SAHMs say about how they never stop, never get time for themselves, DP can’t spend more than five minutes having a shit when comes home because it’s his turn to do all the work blah blah blah.

when in fact the days are broken up with yoga, naps, tennis clubs, baking and playing with kittens. FML.

Fuck your life because some people have a nice time staying at home?

Clearly posters who say they never stop etc have children at home in the day- I’ve never seen a thread where posters who are at home while their kids are at school don’t mention some hobbies/naps etc in with the other stuff they do during the day.

Huge difference between a sahm of babies and toddlers and a sahm of school age children.

SAHMs aren’t some homogeneous group of women who all have exactly the same set of circumstances 😂. It’s like saying “I don’t know why people find their jobs hard, in my last job all I had to do was sit at a desk 2 hours a day and answer the phone from time to time”. The original poster asked how SAHMs fill their time; they answered 💁‍♀️. I stay at home because it works for my family. Some days are easy, some are hard. I had a super stressful job for 12 years - I have seen both sides of the story.

What an ignorant post! The SAHMs who never stop are the ones with babies and toddlers. Have you spent all day every day looking after babies and toddlers? Of course you haven't or you wouldn't make such stupid comments.

"The SAHMs" - why do people think they are a homogenous group.

Women could be doing a billion and one things while kids are at school - they might be non-stop busy busy busy or sleeping all day or literally anything inbetween. Depends on their temperament, circumstances, health and stage of life. It's like asking "How long is a piece of string?" Meaningless question.

so when i was a sahm of 3 under 5’s yes i was very busy

when ds1 was 19, dd was 16 and ds2 was 15 i was obviously less busy

as you can see on this thread many sahp do diy and house work and volunteer at the school and do the shopping etc

as has already been pointed out not all sahm have exactly the same experiences at the same time….

I walked a lot. It was wonderful for mental health and I planned a lot whilst walking. I’d do all my errands on one day; post office, banking, returns, small groceries, birthday cards etc and walk all day using a backpack. I loved that!

Otherwise, kept on top of all the house jobs, tackled larger projects like the garden or redecorating.

I did two gym classes a week. I cooked from scratch a lot more than I do now.

I volunteered one day a week and had one day a week catching up socially, either phone calls or in person.

I did all school related activities and could help with school trips and PTA activities and could get the DCs wherever they wanted to be.

It was pretty full on, but I treated it like a job and found it very fulfilling. I still set goals for myself.

I've NC'd for this.

I worked full-time with my first DC and part-time with my second, but when they were early teens I was able to finally be a SAHM when we managed to pay off our mortgage.

I get up at 7.15 and get DD off to 6th form college and DS and DH off to work (make lunch for them both). Feed cats and make beds and clear kitchen etc.

Then I often have a long bath and arrange to meet a friend for lunch. After lunch I usually go for a long walk into town, browse clothes shops, sometimes buy and then pick up food and toiletries from our central Waitrose.

That takes me to about 4.30pm, when I walk home and start dinner, followed by a lot of wine and an earlyish sleep.

I don't think I've ever been happier.

I should have mentioned, I tend to do all our life-admin in the bath, on my phone. I type as quick on there as I do on a laptop.

I would feel a bit guilty if my husband was working and I was leading a life of leisure whilst the kids were at school. It wouldn't feel right.

If the husband suddenly became out of work they wouldn't feel guilty for a second about having leisurely days while theirwife was at her paid employment.

It seems like some are implying leisure time is something that has to be earned. They are taking issue with grown adults allocating their own time as they see fit.

Probably jealousy.

I'd imagine the husband in that scenario doesn't have to go food shopping, cook meals, clean the house, iron, do the school run, help with homework, do the laundry, take days off work when the kids are sick, leave work early for parents evening, use annual leave to cover school holidays etc etc.

@Comedycook Working parents do all of those, and work!

Yes but, for whatever reason, SAHMs don’t have to work, so they chose not to. That’s all it is. It’s not a competition? Life admin tasks have to be done - so women who don’t work do them in the day whilst the children aren’t around - why wouldn’t you? Women who work have to do them around their working hours, they still get done because they have to be done. Some women chose to work because they want to, some because they have to. It’s absolutely no business of mine how other women live their lives 💁‍♀️