AIBU for getting sick of friends baby voice?

[Itsmekate]

Name changed as this is outing.

My friend of many years has always been quirky and that’s why I love her, she’s over 40 but still has a silly side and is very reluctant to grow up! Even her children get embarrassed sometimes at her immature behaviour but she just doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks.

Some examples of her behaviour are: skipping round supermarkets singing, wearing very bright clothing often covered in glitter and unicorns, finding it funny to fart in meetings and blame someone else, giving people silly nicknames, playing practical jokes etc…
Her teenagers love her to bits but often have to tell her to grow up and remind her that she has friends her own age when she wants to join them when they go out of friends visit the house.

I know this makes her sound like a nightmare but she’s an amazing friend in every other way and puts everyone before herself, other then these quirky behaviours she’s loyal, great company, reliable and trustworthy. She’s had a lot of tragedy in her life which I think has caused her to regress and why I worry I’m being unreasonable.

Recently she’s started talking in a baby voice and changing her words to childish ones, she’ll say things like here come the nee naws, I got an ouchie, I need to go do a wee wee, my wanna do it, and in a whiney voice “that’s minnnnne” or “I don’t wanna gooooo”
She had to go to an important meeting and asked me to go as support but I had to tell her to get a grip when she span on a swivel chair saying “wheee watch me!”

I have mentioned this a few times and she gets defensive and says it’s just a bit of fun, her children are older teens but she copies things her young nieces and nephews say.
Her children have begged her not to do this and my partner refuses to go out with us after she was behaving like this in public. Her parents have told her to grow up and she just laughs and calls anyone who criticises boring, the more people comment the worse it gets.

I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous and people will think I’m making it up, but it’s actually getting ridiculous because I’m starting to hate spending time with her, I feel terrible saying I’m embarrassed by my friend but an adult skipping round Tesco wearing a unicorn backpack and singing silly made up rhymes just attracts attention and I hate people staring at her and judging her, it makes me feel protective as well as embarrassed.

WIBU if I tell her that people don’t see her as this young fun person she thinks she is and that it’s making me cringe or should I just hope she’ll eventually either take on board what people are saying and hope it passes? If it’s making her feel better about growing older then should I be interfering? She’s not hurting anyone and doesn’t do it all the time - but it is becoming more frequent and I’m scared it’ll become an ingrained habit.

If anyone asks her age or date or birth she tells them she’s 18 and even if it’s being asked for an important reason (like a hospital appointment) she refuses to back down until they just go along with it. I think most people are humouring her assuming she’s mentally ill and I don’t feel that’s the case. I think she’s just recently turned 40 and completely in denial but I’m hoping as she gets used to it the behaviour will stop.

I wondered if anyone else knows someone like this and how they handled it? I don’t want to lose my friend but it’s difficult having a serious conversation with someone who answers serious questions like “did you get your car fixed?” With
“No brum brum is still poorly and has to go to car hospikal”
Its getting increasingly difficult not to get frustrated and angry.

She has no husband or partner because she wanted to wait until her children were grown up and moved out so they never had a step dad they didn’t like or a blended family. This is an example of the selfless person she is, her children’s father has seen this side of her but just says it’s nothing to do with him and it’s not causing any harm to the kids and she’s just a bit batty.

I'm 38 and this sounds a little bit like me, but I'm diagnosed ADHD. She sounds very manic and eccentric. I would suggest a mental health assessment. Without my medication I become extremely manic and erratic, like this, but on it I am calm, controlled quirky.

This is possibly a schizophrenic type presentation and needs evaluation with urgency.
good luck

I think it’s ok to cut down the time you spend with her, I couldn’t stand it

There are 2 school mums in particularly fond of who act a bit like this. It is cringey. But when they get together… good lord… they just talk in baby voices and act like absolute wallys. I wonder what causes this??!

Sounds like you’ve done a great job. Also I’ve got ADHD and sounds like some neurodivergent behaviours so if you want to keep being friends you do need to accept her for who she is.

but as someone who is neurodivergent I appreciate when people tell me when my behaviour affects others and hopefully this can help her be more self aware and you stay sane!

Insufferable. Does she want to meet up at soft play?

I'd actually go one step further.
I think there is some underlying mental condition and suggest she goes and talks to a professional.

If her behaviour continues she is at danger of her kids cutting ties, as they won't want to be connected to her. They will shut her out and she will lose them, it won't be a bit of fun then.

Also tell her you care about her but you aren't willing to go out in public when she acts the way she does, she needs to make a choice about how much she values your friendship. Put the ball in her court but set your boundaries.

She sounds like she may be mentally unwell, her behaviour sounds to me like a mania, and I wonder if she might have developed bipolar disorder, although of course I am.no expert. If this is the case shevis unlikely to listen to anyone telling her her behaviour is unusual. Try to get her to talk to her Gp.

She on the spectrum ? she sounds bonkers I could never deal with this

having seen your update, fair play to both you and her, OP.
You because you broached an awkward conversation head on rather than moaning about her behind her back (to others that know her, an anonymous-with-identifying-details-changed post on mn is different) or phasing her out or hoping someone else would bring it up.
Her for taking the feedback on board, asking others, reflecting and apologising.
Not always easy to do for either party.
Good to see people engaging like actual adults (ironic given the issue!) and working through a problem to keep what is clearly a really good friendship going.

I don’t honestly think this sounds autistic. It’s too focused on attention seeking .

Wonder if she’s fighting depression? I wouldn’t go out in public with her but I wouldn’t abandon her. I think she needs professional help and someone has to get through to her before she ends up in an institution.

I have to say that some of my friends scoff at my childish behaviour, but I don't think it gets to the point where it annoys them. There's nothing as annoying as someone tries to appear eccentric, especially in front of strangers.

The friend here sounds like she's very sweet. I'm glad the OP got through to her.

I barely got through the first paragraph and already know your friend is Autistic/ADHD/Bi-polar. If you really are her friend accept her as she is. Im ADHD my son is Autistic. People don’t accept us because we are not “normal”. I’ve lost so many friends and so has my son. It’s your choice if you accept her as she is or of you’re too “normal” for her

There is something really wrong with your friend and I'd be quite confident in saying she has a serious mental health problem . I absolutely would not be able to be around someone like her I'd end up losing my ever loving sh!t

Do her parents think she has a mental health problem? She's a high maintenance person with no social awareness of boundaries. She refuses to communicate on the same level as other people - whereas every other person adjusts their speech style and behaviour to occasion. We speak in different ways at work meetings, out with friends, with our children, with our partners. We read social cues, we adapt.

That your friend is compelled to attention-seek in public suggests a mental/emotional health disorder. Because she shows no empathy or mirroring with the people she socialises with.

She may just have an astounding level of immaturity.

I'd run a mile.

I’m autistic and have ADHD and I absolutely do not care what strangers think of me, I don’t like society’s expectations that we should all behave the same, I think we should be able to enjoy what we enjoy without other people telling us we shouldn’t. I can’t imagine telling someone they can’t like glitter or unicorns because of their age or what people might think.
I’m really surprised by people’s responses to this - everyone is different, not everyone is ruled by potential embarrassment. I can’t believe all the ‘you can’t behave like that in the SUPERMARKET’ and ‘Oh god how EMBARRASSING wearing colourful clothing and character bags’ comments. I’d rather be embarrassing than judgemental.
I’d imagine this wouldn’t be tolerated in a professional environment, but that’s for her managers to manage. At the end of the day, If OP can’t help but clutch their pearls at what people might think then they can just not hang out with her.

There is a huge difference between wearing clothes from truffleshuffle (I'm debating the Care Bear dress right now) and acting like an actual child. I could happily skip around the supermarket but I know that's not appropriate for someone in their forties.

This new regression has me worried for your friend's mental health. It sounds like ASD combined with a breakdown in mental health. I would recommend someone check out whether it's just her personality or something more concerning.

She sounds a bit like me. I wear dresses with dinosaurs and unicorns on and often look like a rainbow has exploded on me. I have also been known to dance and sing in supermarkets. I'm older than your friend and I also don't give a shit about what anyone thinks about me. But I am professional at work and I don't do the baby talk or fart in meetings (not on purpose anyway). Maybe she's lost the plot a bit, maybe it makes her happy, have you asked her why she does it? Either way, you get to choose whether you spend time with her or not

I’d think he was a childish twanker.

Just read your update, so ignore my post 😂

I had a grandmother like this, she had a very rough upbringing and never got to be a kid during the years she should have been. She was my favorite person in the whole world. I completely embraced her tagging along as a teen. It made everyone else feel more comfortable being themselves. She was still doing/saying silly stuff the day she died from lung cancer. I'll never forget how she was able to lighten the mood of her own dang death. Felt like she was magic.

No, honestly, they wouldn't. They would think he was an idiot.

I would consider myself quite an immature 36 year old and have the exact same living situation as your friend (single mother of two older boys and I’ve chosen to remain single until they’re older). I love playing video games with my kids and feel like I’ll never properly “grow up”.

This does not stop me from knowing the difference between wanting to have fun and what is clearly socially cringe. I wouldn’t dream of behaving the way your friend behaves and I think it sounds like she may actually be on the verge of a breakdown if her “quirks” are out of the norm. It doesn’t sound normal to me but more importantly, it doesn’t sound normal for her either. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head when you say it could be a sign of adult regression brought on perhaps by a lack of coping (you say she’s experienced a lot of tragedy so it could be a delayed response). Other causes include various psychiatric disorders including bpd, delirium and even dementia. So I think for a friend who has been so wonderful in all other ways and has now become quite difficult to be around still deserves your love and loyalty in return - I would sit her down and tell her your concerns. She may be completely unaware of the change herself but I’d encourage her to see her gp after your chat to rule out anything more sinister.

It would be so sad if it was caused by something she has no control over and leaves her being abandoned by those she loves in her hour of need.

I do however sympathise with you wholeheartedly and agree it must be unbearable to be around. I hope you can both talk openly together and get to the bottom of what’s going on so that your friendship can continue and you can both be happy.

To be honest your friend sounds like she might need some help. She doesn't sound right. I mean, farting in meetings? Refusing to give her real age for important reasons? Saying things like "hospikal"? It's very, very weird and not funny at all. Either she needs help or she needs to kindly be made aware of how she sounds, before someone a lot less tolerant puts it to her much more bluntly.