Should I contact husbands stalker

[strangeIndeed]

I've name changed for this one as I post regularly and it's a touchy subject for me.

My husband and I have been dating 5 years and married for 3. We have two children together, we are very happy as a family.

The problem is, before we met he briefly dated this woman, I mean they had 2 dates but chatted over the phone regularly as it was long distance. She became increasingly possessive of him and borderline obsessed (his family and friends can attest to this) weeks before my husband and I met he cut contact with her for obvious reasons.

Since then we have both been bombarded with texts and calls (no idea how she got my number)
She has made fake Facebook and instagram accounts using my name, she has been nasty about our children and had bad mouthed me to everyone we know in common.

I have never met her let alone had one conversations with her) she doesn't know me and I dont feel like I deserve all this crap.
Regularly we get nasty texts and calls and I feel like I need to have a chat to her and get to the bottom of why she is behaving like this. My husband says to just ignore it as she clearly needs mental help but I can't just ignore it.

If I call her and she starts getting cheeky with me I'm not sure I could hold my temper. I just need this to stop.

Report her to the police. Don't engage with her at all

I have done already they said as she hasn't approached us in person there's nothing they can do.

Edited as X posted with a PP

Re the police - I understood that stalking didn't just include actual approaches. Maybe her behaviour falls under cyberstalking, or anti-social behaviour. It certainly isn't 'nothing '.

I wonder if something along the lines of a "cease and desist" type letter via the correct channels would be appropriate .

NO.

Whatever you do, do not contact this woman.

You need to gather evidence of her stalking and take it to the police.

Contact the National Stalking Helpline for further advice. Stalking is a crime.

www.suzylamplugh.org/pages/category/national-stalking-helpline

I've had to sue a stalker and won. Not easy. Maryamloise's advice above is good. Keep a detailed diary of incidents with dates, times and proof, do not engage and contact the police.

I feel I need to to add - she calls and texts using different numbers, it's like she buys a SIM card uses it for several weeks and discards it's and starts afresh with a new one.

Just keep blocking numbers and fadebook/insta accounts. Eventually she will get fed up of nothing. Husband should do the same.

You are not responsible for someone else's mental health. Unless your qualified?

You think she's going to stop because you tell her to, or because she realises you're a Real Person or something? All it'll do is inflame the situation and intensify her behaviour.

Also, if you have all these nasty texts and calls, then the police absolutely can do something.

The government doesn't agree that she needs to approach you for the police to take it seriously.

www.gov.uk/report-stalker

Omg! Report her! She’s DANGEROUS!

It's malicious communications, the police are wrong.

Obviously that’s not true.

Tbh I find it shockingly bizarre you wouldn’t have had a conversation with her like .. five years ago.

Do not accept the police not getting involved. If necessary, contact your local Police Commisioner.

What’s the content of the messages/calls?

Keep reporting and keep reporting..... until the police get sick of you. I was stalked and did this. They've lied to you. She'll have done this to others I bet.
Mine went to court and admitted it.

Does your DH ever engage with her at all do you think?

I can imagine that even the slightest engagement will be an encouragement to people like her to continue.

Am i understanding this has been going on EIGHT years ??

It's irrelevant, the behaviour is unwelcome and intimidating.

please be aware she may be autistic

@sausagecassarolllover that is such a strange and uninformed thing to say. Why on earth do you think you need to 'warn' OP that someone might be autistic? Do you think autistic people are dangerous?

Autistic people are no more dangerous than neurotypical people, in fact they are more likely to be victims than perpetrators. Have you got confused between autism and psychopathy? I think you need to inform yourself better.

What does she actually say when she speaks to you?
Disgusted but nor surprised the police won't do anything I was stalked by a neighbour but it was constant watching and making false complaints. I had to get hidden cameras to prove I wasn't the issue and still never got an apology after doing so.

What are you going to say "can you stop being so weird and creepy please" and you imagine she will reply "of course, sorry."

Absolutely not. Do not engage. No one behaving so irrationally is going to respond to rational conversation.

Why would you not just change your number? Not that you should have to. But it would mean she couldn't call or text you.

Omg ..I know someone who got arrested for texting his ex asking about his kid. So, yes, I think the police can put injunctions on randoms harassing someone.

You mentioned mutual friends - what is their view of this behaviour? Have they spoken to her or attempting to get her help?

Either way you need to collect all your evidence and go to the police.