Should I contact husbands stalker

[strangeIndeed]

I've name changed for this one as I post regularly and it's a touchy subject for me.

My husband and I have been dating 5 years and married for 3. We have two children together, we are very happy as a family.

The problem is, before we met he briefly dated this woman, I mean they had 2 dates but chatted over the phone regularly as it was long distance. She became increasingly possessive of him and borderline obsessed (his family and friends can attest to this) weeks before my husband and I met he cut contact with her for obvious reasons.

Since then we have both been bombarded with texts and calls (no idea how she got my number)
She has made fake Facebook and instagram accounts using my name, she has been nasty about our children and had bad mouthed me to everyone we know in common.

I have never met her let alone had one conversations with her) she doesn't know me and I dont feel like I deserve all this crap.
Regularly we get nasty texts and calls and I feel like I need to have a chat to her and get to the bottom of why she is behaving like this. My husband says to just ignore it as she clearly needs mental help but I can't just ignore it.

If I call her and she starts getting cheeky with me I'm not sure I could hold my temper. I just need this to stop.

I thought the exact same @slipperypenguin !! Worrying!!

Which scenario do you think is more likely if you contact her?
a) she will apologise and never do it again
b) she will go even more psycho

Gosh, she sounds like the woman from the true documentary "lover, stalker,killer" on Netflix.
Keep logs and gather all evidence together and report it to the police, they have means of tracking where messages are sent from.

Agree absolutely with this, what do you seriously expect to happen? You will lose your temper and that will give her ammunition to use against you.

Im sorry this is happening to you, I can imagine how horrible it must be. You should keep hassling the police, I cannot believe this is not an offence - if they can arrest people for private WhatsApp messages they can bloody well go round and have a word with this woman.

Surely your husband has not allowed this to go on for 5 whole years without doing anything about it? Why has he let you suffer like this throughout your entire relationship and never once taken any initiative to speak to her or report her? Why is he trying to disaude you from that now? Before doing anything I think I'd want a serious conversation with him, because his passivity in the face of half a decade of relentless pursuit and nuisance is unusual, and you both need to be on the same page here.

@strangeIndeed Definitely don’t try to get her side of story or try to reason with her.
It will make matters worse.
These stalkers are mentally ill, and living in a bizarre fantasy land.
I understand how unsettling it must be.
Does she know where you live? A ring doorbell camera might be a good idea?.

That can't be true surely, if she's pretending to be you on FB and saying horrible things about your children? I am the last one to call the police over things that are non-crimes but this sounds like proper harassment and definitely a police matter to me. She should at least get a visit and a caution.

I would absolutely have a go at her if she rings you but I wouldn’t go and contact her.

You and your DH need to tell her that you’ve got the police involved.

Unfortunately, it sounds like she has serious MH problems and therefore she possibly won’t change and you’ll just have to try and reduce contact on your end.

Change your numbers and don’t give them out.

Make your SM private and tell loved ones that she may create fake accounts.

Log everything and keep a record to give to the police.

Having just experienced this, along with graphic explicit images, I found the police to be utterly unhelpful too :(

Don't go anywhere near this. Don't.

OPs have this right - and I have bitter experience as I've had the misfortune to be stalked twice. It's a big mistake to respond in any way whatsoever. Check out any online resource as to how to deal with stalking and they will all tell you the same thing.

If you did contact her you would not get the information you seek because her behaviour isn't rational. On the contrary, you've just taught her that five years of pestering and harrassment has just bought her the result she wanted. That's a green light for repeating the pattern and you'll never be free.

You give a stalker nothing. Keep records of the contact and their instances in case you need to report and need a paper trail.

Wow that's pretty scary! 😟