To think that staying single as a signed Mum is the most sensible option

[Justkeepswiimming]

I've been single for 4 years. I've a 7 year old dd. I've not really been looking for another partner, but the more I see threads on here the more I think that staying single it the most sensible option for me, and particularly my daughter.

From threads about child sex offenders targeting single Mums, to others about the challenges of blending families, introducing partners to children, terrible step parents, or these relationships showing themselves to be as bad as the last and of course cocklodgers. And this if course is AFTER you manage to find someone as a single person. Tinder is awful. Spare time is very limited. Social circle is limited.

I struggle to see many positives, but a fair number of risks. Am I being cynical and negative?

I think there is a difference between someone who is in a relationship because it’s the right person and someone who feels the need to be in a relationship regardless of what that person is like.

This again, if you want to stay single that's fine but no I don't think all single mums shouldn't never date again 🙄

I'm a single mum. I'd love to meet someone and have a relationship again....but logistically and sensibly can't see how it would ever happen. My children are very young. I don't get any time away from them (nor do I want to at the moment) and the horror stories I hear about online dating really puts me off. I don't have a wide enough social circle or opportunity/ time/energy to do hobbies or widen my circle to meet someone the old fashioned way. I can't imagine blending my family with another or living with someone whilst my children are young either.
Everything just feels so different to being single in my early 20s. So much more responsibility and realism (and cynicism!) now

Yanbu at all. Good for you for putting your daughter and ultimately yourself first.

I agree. I am a single parent and I keep relationships entirely separate from my child.

Yanbu. Over a decade single here. I would never a) have time to meet anyone and b) risk me and my dc's financial security. I own my house and count myself incredibly lucky.

I think it very much depends. You can’t generalise. Staying single may well be best for you. If you feel it’s the right thing, then it’s the best was to go.

The thing about life is you don’t get a control group to help you assess the outcomes your choices against objectively. You only know how the things you did worked out and can’t know for certain about how the choices you didn’t make turned out. Even if you think one course of action was a mistake, you don’t know the alternative would have been better.

I have decided that I would like to be single for a long time, possibly in perpetuity. This most definitely feels like the right course of action for me, at this point in my life. But I might change my mind later. 🤷🏻‍♀️

YANBU, respect to you for putting your daughter first.

Sadly the research shows that non related males in the household are much more likely to be a threat to the children in that household.

Sure you will find someone one day when your kids are older.

I would definitely do that same as you.

I met someone as a single co-parent and I keep it totally separate from my kid. However we do 50/50 shared care so I have free time into which to fit a relationship. I don't know how I'd do it otherwise

Bet your are a lovely mum - I'm not being sarcastic.
I wished my parents did this when they divorced instead of making me live with violent, seedy alcoholics.

I'm a single mum and I just don't trust any man to be around my kids. It's just for me I think I'd be introducing a huge risk to them having an unrelated man living in the house. However, of course it's ok for single mums to get into other relationships I just don't trust men enough to personally ever be ok with it for myself.

Yep, another single mum here who agrees with you completely

I agree and there's a difference between having a boyfriend you see 2-3 x a week in a lovely fulfilling relationship and moving in and blending homes

But dating wouldn't risk your house unless you moved them in and they contributed to the mortgage

I agree with this. I have boundaries around bath and bedtime - away from man I'm dating- and would never leave my child alone with a bf.

No not worth the stress and hassle. The chances of meeting someone who is lovely long term seems to be vanishingly small. And I wouldn't want my child to get attached to someone and possibly have to lose them.

I've been single for 11 yrs and at first I wanted a relationship. But having a dd2 and a heavy equity house, I think I'll attract the wrong sort. I have to worry about paedos as well as those that see me as a cash cow.

And true be told, I don't have the time nor energy for it anymore.

I'm happy with my set up.

How did you get that out of OP’s post?Nowhere does OP say anything about all single mums. She was speaking of herself and asking others opinions who have been or are in the same boat.

I've been single 3 years. I'd love to date again. I'm lucky to have alternate weekends free which I'd like to spend time with a partner.

I have no intention of cohabiting or blending any families for a looooong time after I meet someone!! I keep my dating attempts very separate from my kids but I just can't give up on having someone lovely to spend my alternate weekends with. Ideally I'd meet a man who also has kids so my limited availability suited them.

I don't know why dating has to automatically equal moving in, meeting the kids and blended families. Can't it be just dating, for however long you want???
Well that's what I'm hoping for but finding someone who matches that, not easy!!!

YANBU. I am not a single parent, but was raised by a single mum and she did exactly what you are doing. She stayed single until her last child had moved out and I am so, so grateful that she did. Growing up, I had so many friends made utterly miserable by stepfathers living in their homes. They were either emotionally abused, ignored, blamed for everything or just made to feel like they weren’t welcome in their own homes.

If I split with DH I’d do the same thing my mum did and never move a man into my family home whilst my children were still there.

Sick of this narrative pushed on here that single mums should stay alone forever and never date Again, there was literally a thread about this the other day. If you want to stay single that's fine but why make a post about it and anyone that doesn't stay single forever isn't as "sensible" as the op.

I wouldn’t base your life decisions on the nonsense which is posted on here OP.

I’m a single mum and I feel the same.

I do date on the weekends they’re with their dad sometimes - I’m not ready to be celibate at 40 - but I wouldn’t consider moving in with someone etc until they’re adult.

Totally with you. I dated a guy for 12 months. My dd didn't even know he existed. I've been single 7 years and wouldn't bring someone into my dds life.

it's not just on here, I've seen real life friends struggle with blending families. Their kids pushed behind someone else's etc. why should your own children have to compromise for another guy and his kids. I'll never get that. My tolerance has gotten even lower since I've not been dating.

i fully get why you want to stay single. I feel exactly the same.

I was a single mum for a few years, went on some god awful dates through online dating so I gave up, resigned myself to it being just me and my DS.
Now happily married with someone i met 20 years ago who contacted me via SM. We met up for drinks, instantly clicked and have pretty much been inseparable for nearly 6 years.
However, I firmly believe if my DH didn't reach out, I would still be single.